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LONDON—Following wide-ranging criticism of the embattled prime minister’s handling of Brexit negotiations, Theresa May narrowly managed to survive execution by the parliamentary firing squad, sources confirmed Thursday. “After several months of coming under constant attack, this firing squad was merely the latest high-stakes test for May,” said Tory MP Sir Graham Brady, explaining that a blindfolded May was marched out in front of the House of Commons at dawn where her conservative colleagues leveled their rifles and pulled the trigger, only to discover that they had miraculously missed every single shot. “Once the dust finally settled and the wall was riddled with bullet holes, she somehow managed to walk away unscathed. Many in the party thought she was a goner, but at least for now, she lives to fight another day.” At press time, May buckled under pressure from members of her party and signaled her intent to be shot before the 2022 election.
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Published: 13th December 2018 - 6.32 pm
Source: The Onion




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Latest Article

  


Articles

LONDON—Following wide-ranging criticism of the embattled prime minister’s handling of Brexit negotiations, Theresa May narrowly managed to survive execution by the parliamentary firing squad, sources confirmed Thursday. “After several months of coming under constant attack, this firing squad was merely the latest high-stakes test for May,” said Tory MP Sir Graham Brady, explaining that a blindfolded May was marched out in front of the House of Commons at dawn where her conservative colleagues leveled their rifles and pulled the trigger, only to discover that they had miraculously missed every single shot. “Once the dust finally settled and the wall was riddled with bullet holes, she somehow managed to walk away unscathed. Many in the party thought she was a goner, but at least for now, she lives to fight another day.” At press time, May buckled under pressure from members of her party and signaled her intent to be shot before the 2022 election.
Go to full article
Published:
Source: The Onion




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Latest Article




Articles

LONDON—Following wide-ranging criticism of the embattled prime minister’s handling of Brexit negotiations, Theresa May narrowly managed to survive execution by the parliamentary firing squad, sources confirmed Thursday. “After several months of coming under constant attack, this firing squad was merely the latest high-stakes test for May,” said Tory MP Sir Graham Brady, explaining that a blindfolded May was marched out in front of the House of Commons at dawn where her conservative colleagues leveled their rifles and pulled the trigger, only to discover that they had miraculously missed every single shot. “Once the dust finally settled and the wall was riddled with bullet holes, she somehow managed to walk away unscathed. Many in the party thought she was a goner, but at least for now, she lives to fight another day.” At press time, May buckled under pressure from members of her party and signaled her intent to be shot before the 2022 election.
Go to full article
Published: 26th March 2019 - 9.18 am
Source: The Onion


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7th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Cracked
Humour
6 Reasons Famously Bad Movies Totally Sucked
7th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Crucial Things To Remember About Our Wretched Hellscape
7th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Films That Accidentally Made The Villain The Nicest Person
6th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Better Versions Of Superheroes We'll Hopefully Get Soon
6th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Disney's 'Star Wars' Menu Looks Kind Of Gross
5th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
'Fortnite' Erotica Says A Ton About The Future Of Gaming
5th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Steven Spielberg Wants To Destroy Netflix Movies
4th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
4 Viral Science News Stories The Media Totally Screwed Up
4th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Killing The Amazon Dash Button Will Only Make It Stronger
4th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
6 Miracle Cures That Are Way Worse Than The Disease Itself
4th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Ways We Train Teenage Girls To Love Psychopaths
3rd March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
The 5 Weirdest Schemes Real Countries Use To Pay The Bills
2nd March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Unhelpful Ways We Respond To A Friend In Crisis
2nd March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Weird Facts About Congress Nobody Told You In School
1st March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Ways Baby Boomers Keep Getting Worse
1st March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
News Thump
Humour
Machines from the Matrix admit they might have gone a bit too far with Brexit
26th March 2019 - 9.09 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
'Principled' Brexiters promise to vote for deal they think is terrible as long as their boss promises to resign
25th March 2019 - 3.18 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May singing ‘Daisy Daisy’ in broken voice
25th March 2019 - 3.10 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Members of European Research Group admit that they’ve never done any actual research
25th March 2019 - 3.06 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Donald Trump celebrates as Mueller report leaves sexism, misogyny, racism, adultery, climate-change denial, possible obstruction of justice, lying and stupidity as only lingering blemishes on his character
25th March 2019 - 12.42 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Cabinet plotting to replace Theresa May with Thatcher’s ghost
25th March 2019 - 11.07 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Jeremy Corbyn to become PM within days after Chris Grayling put in charge of cabinet coup
25th March 2019 - 10.05 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Establishment quaking as Brexit Betrayal March tops 102 people on Saturday
25th March 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
“Come on then, fuckers!” roars drunken Theresa May at cabinet meeting
25th March 2019 - 9.30 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May on verge of cancelling Brexit after all of her spoons bend
24th March 2019 - 7.29 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Team INEOS to demonstrate green credentials by recyling jiffy bags
22nd March 2019 - 3.57 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Durham County Cricket appoint Skeletor as 'sporting consultant'
22nd March 2019 - 3.28 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Anti-Brexit petition signed by three-million means nothing, insists man who proudly organised pro-Brexit march for three-dozen
22nd March 2019 - 12.04 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Hundreds of Brexit gagging orders necessary to stop you getting too excited about our wonderful no-deal preparation, insists Government
22nd March 2019 - 11.32 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Jeremy Corbyn storms out of key Brexit meeting due to ‘intolerable presence’ of Jaffa cakes
22nd March 2019 - 10.37 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Man who spent two years saying 'we're leaving on 29th March so suck it up snowflake' eerily quiet this morning
22nd March 2019 - 9.30 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Scotland loses to Borat
22nd March 2019 - 8.58 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
"I'm on YOUR side" insists woman who has cut police and public services to the f*cking bone
21st March 2019 - 12.44 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Mischievous ghost of John McCain replaces Trump's mid-morning burger with a vegan burrito
21st March 2019 - 12.06 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Cersei Lannister uses TV address to tell Westeros peasants "I'm on your side"
21st March 2019 - 10.30 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Instead of telling us what we think about Brexit maybe you should try asking us, nation tells Theresa May
21st March 2019 - 9.32 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
The actress who plays me has wonderful tax lawyers, reveals Lorraine kelly
21st March 2019 - 9.01 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May addresses nation to tell voters that MPs keep being mean to her
20th March 2019 - 9.23 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
'A second referendum would be undemocratic, plus we don't have sufficient funds to cheat again' insists Vote Leave
20th March 2019 - 4.31 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May asks for short extension to Article 50 until all Leave voters have died
20th March 2019 - 3.45 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Parents who want "confusing" LGBT rights classes banned somehow fine with algebra
20th March 2019 - 3.32 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
'Democracy in the UK is dead' insists man whose Dad became President despite getting fewer votes than his opponent
20th March 2019 - 12.17 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Teenager criticised for throwing egg at Thanos 'just because he wants to kill half of creation'
20th March 2019 - 11.54 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Stubborn cat planning to present owners with same dead mouse for third time despite being told not to
20th March 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Red-faced Theresa May accidentally asks EU for extension to her garage
20th March 2019 - 9.08 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Disney unveils latest addition to ‘Disney Princesses’ as 20th Century Fox takeover is completed
20th March 2019 - 9.01 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Brexiter MPs furious at John Bercow for stopping them abandoning their principles
19th March 2019 - 3.51 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Bercow and May to fight with hammers
19th March 2019 - 3.06 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Nigel Farage's Brexit Betrayal March hires 200 Polish walkers after finding Brits are not willing to do the job
19th March 2019 - 10.59 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Churchill would certainly have spent a weekend rage-tweeting about petty feuds, insists Fox News
19th March 2019 - 10.26 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Brexiters furious at John Bercow for invoking wrong kind of parliamentary sovereignty
19th March 2019 - 9.44 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May's latest Brexit deal 'substantively different' after being converted to Comic Sans
18th March 2019 - 5.14 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Eurostar advise passengers not to travel to London after reports confirm it is full of miserable sods
18th March 2019 - 12.26 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Jet engine developers condemned for potentially bringing Australians 'within four hours of the UK'
18th March 2019 - 11.59 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Facebook promises their latest update means you’ll see even less of the stuff you actually follow
18th March 2019 - 10.56 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Ron and Hermione had a threesome with Dobby the House Elf, confirms JK Rowling without anyone asking
18th March 2019 - 9.37 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
US sends specialist Thoughts And Prayers team to New Zealand after novice PM foolishly contemplates real action
18th March 2019 - 8.58 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Leprechauns enjoy final St Patrick's Day not spent conducting customs checks at the Irish Border
17th March 2019 - 6.15 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Irish demonstrate once again how to do patriotism without turning it into something shit
17th March 2019 - 1.38 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Nigel Farage's Brexit march proves nation cares more about Brackley Town vs Curzon Ashton than Brexit
16th March 2019 - 2.19 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Climate change protesters prepare to bicycle home
15th March 2019 - 6.52 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Moment of Brexit tenderness as adorable British MPs think Article 50 extension is up to them
15th March 2019 - 3.57 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May proposes compromise of remaining in EU on weekdays and staying out at weekends
15th March 2019 - 2.49 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Melania Trump body double identified as Steve Tyler
15th March 2019 - 12.37 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Social Justice Batman lights the Virtue Signal
15th March 2019 - 11.03 am
Source: News Thump


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