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The Onion – America’s Finest News Source
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Published: 8th November 2018 - 10.38 pm
Source: The Onion




The Daily Mash
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Now do Corbyn, says Britain
25th May 2019 - 6.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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‘My only consolation is that whoever follows me will be far worse’
25th May 2019 - 6.40 am
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Wife who agreed to share bottle of wine only drinks one glass again
24th May 2019 - 11.20 am
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The Daily Mash
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Morning airport drinking somehow consequence-free, reckon blokes
24th May 2019 - 10.40 am
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May to be remembered as Poundland Thatcher who accomplished jack sh*t
24th May 2019 - 9.50 am
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Six ways to be superior when showing people your vinyl collection
24th May 2019 - 9.20 am
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Couple who went to New York making sure everyone knows they stayed in Brooklyn
24th May 2019 - 8.40 am
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How to be incredibly annoying at work
24th May 2019 - 7.50 am
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Middle class men still have no idea why they try to impress working class men
23rd May 2019 - 11.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Five shit endings that still would have been better than the Game of Thrones finale
23rd May 2019 - 9.50 am
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Vote for whoever you like, it doesn’t matter and nobody gives a toss, experts advise
23rd May 2019 - 9.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Couple’s date in diary for sex getting dangerously close
23rd May 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Young people to have arses kicked all the way to polling stations
23rd May 2019 - 8.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Are you a ‘radicalised Remainer’ or do you just think Farage is a twat?
23rd May 2019 - 8.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Brexiters excited to vote on thing they know jack shit about again
23rd May 2019 - 7.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Tory MPs begin search for vaguely competent bastard
22nd May 2019 - 5.20 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Arsehole actually writes on gift bag label
22nd May 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Anything that touches Theresa May’s new Brexit plan will die, doctors warn
22nd May 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Tories assume steel workers just become male strippers
22nd May 2019 - 10.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Are you suffering from imposter syndrome or are you genuinely shit?
22nd May 2019 - 10.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Cunning robot ticks ‘I’m not a robot’ box
22nd May 2019 - 9.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Gunge Tank on Noel’s House Party was also liberal intolerance, Farage confirms
22nd May 2019 - 8.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Karma’s a bitch, say kids who loved Turkey Twizzlers
22nd May 2019 - 7.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Are you sexually promiscuous enough at work?
21st May 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Six things to have in your kitchen if you want to be Tory leader
21st May 2019 - 10.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Quirky start-up is based in normal office and pays its staff with money
21st May 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Song of Ice and Fire single released
21st May 2019 - 9.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Which historical monsters could have been stopped with a milkshake?
21st May 2019 - 8.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Dentistry is expensive because mouths are gross, dentists confirm
21st May 2019 - 7.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Slush Puppies volunteer to be thrown at twats
20th May 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Man’s views ignored by mainstream just because he is a bigoted nutter
20th May 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Giving kids stuff makes them like you, uncles confirm
20th May 2019 - 10.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Artisan bakery like methadone clinic for middle class people

20th May 2019 - 9.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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500,000 Game of Thrones fans sign petition demanding cuddle from mummy
20th May 2019 - 6.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Woman refusing to concede that husband has cold
20th May 2019 - 6.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Ride-on lawnmower still pinnacle of man’s desire
20th May 2019 - 6.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Colleges offer Level 5 NVQ in changing a duvet cover
19th May 2019 - 7.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Mum blows entire life savings at school fete
19th May 2019 - 7.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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How Madonna will out-weird Eurovision
18th May 2019 - 6.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Women do walk of shame to hen night
18th May 2019 - 6.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Five ways to join in the leg-washing ‘debate’ when you don’t give a shit
17th May 2019 - 11.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Your guide to the f**kheads, wankers and creeps who want to be next Tory leader
17th May 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Humour
F**king maniac eats chocolate at bottom of Cornetto first
17th May 2019 - 10.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
How much more of a twat can Morrissey be?
17th May 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Pensioner thinks having a job once means he should get everything free
17th May 2019 - 8.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Woman finds men don’t like constructive criticism of dick pics
17th May 2019 - 7.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Humour
Corbyn ruins old folks’ coach trip to Whitby
16th May 2019 - 12.00 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Awful middle class child looking for second treehouse as an investment
16th May 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Humour
Millennial resigns herself to having ‘plant babies’
16th May 2019 - 10.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Twat looking for new series he can feel superior about not watching
16th May 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Onion
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Nancy Pelosi Slams Edited Footage With Claim That When She’s Drunk You’ll Fucking Know It
24th May 2019 - 6.57 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Ed Sheeran Releasing Collaborative Album
24th May 2019 - 6.44 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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ICE Agent Can’t Believe He Being Reprimanded For Child Who Died All Those Months Ago
24th May 2019 - 5.43 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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5 Things To Know About The 2019 Measles Outbreak
24th May 2019 - 4.11 pm
Source: The Onion
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Corner Store Customers Saddened By Sight Of Frantic Trump Doing Scratch-Off Tickets Right On Counter
24th May 2019 - 2.23 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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McDonald’s To Add Global Items To Food Menu
24th May 2019 - 2.21 pm
Source: The Onion
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Chicago Authorities Free Over 2,000 Southpaws From Illegal Mascot Mill
24th May 2019 - 2.17 pm
Source: The Onion
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Nintendo Announces That ‘Super Mario Maker 2’ Will Finally Let Users Build A Synagogue So Mario Can Get Bar Mitzvahed
24th May 2019 - 2.14 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Businessman Mortified To Discover He’s Been Wearing Suit Backwards All Day
24th May 2019 - 2.11 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Depressed LeBron James Realizes That At His Age Copernicus Was Developing Theory Of Heliocentrism
24th May 2019 - 12.56 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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New Employee Confused By Office Espresso Machine Just Returns To Desk With Mug Of Hot Water
24th May 2019 - 12.52 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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NBA Requests Fans Sitting Courtside Not Release Derivative Albums
24th May 2019 - 12.00 am
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Urban Outfitters Introducing Clothing Rental Service
23rd May 2019 - 10.04 pm
Source: The Onion
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Song Banged Out In Half Hour By Professional Songwriters To Define Teenager’s Personality For Next Two Years
23rd May 2019 - 9.36 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Jay Inslee Recalls Decision To Run For President After 5 Teens From Across Globe Pressed Enchanted Rings Together To Call Him Into Existence
23rd May 2019 - 8.37 pm
Source: The Onion
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Moby Provides Long-Range, Blurry Photo Taken Through Window To Prove He Currently Dating Natalie Portman
23rd May 2019 - 7.17 pm
Source: The Onion
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Geologists Uncover Slab Of Amber Containing Perfectly Preserved Adam And Eve
23rd May 2019 - 6.22 pm
Source: The Onion
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Tyson Holds Contest To Let Fans Submit New Ideas For Torturing Chicken To Death
23rd May 2019 - 5.49 pm
Source: The Onion
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Japan Begins Testing Next-Gen Bullet Train
23rd May 2019 - 4.44 pm
Source: The Onion
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India Continues Surge Towards Status As First World Nation By Reelecting Racist, Right-Wing Authoritarian
23rd May 2019 - 4.39 pm
Source: The Onion
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A Country Divided: The Onion Takes An In-Depth Look At How State Boundaries Work
23rd May 2019 - 4.30 pm
Source: The Onion
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Keanu Reeves Recalls Preparing For ‘John Wick 3’ By Acting In Two Previous ‘John Wick’ Films
23rd May 2019 - 3.26 pm
Source: The Onion
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Tips For Home Baking
23rd May 2019 - 3.21 pm
Source: The Onion
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Trump Warns China Not To Underestimate His Willingness To Sacrifice Every American’s Well-Being
23rd May 2019 - 2.48 pm
Source: The Onion
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Tips For Playing ‘Rage 2’
23rd May 2019 - 2.34 pm
Source: The Onion
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Polite Disney World Guest Decides Not To Bother Mickey Mouse For Picture
23rd May 2019 - 2.16 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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25 McDonald’s Employees Come Forward With Sexual Harassment Claim
22nd May 2019 - 10.10 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Resistance Is Fetal
22nd May 2019 - 8.19 pm
Source: The Onion
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Woman Attempting To Cultivate Self-Love Forced To Start Completely From Scratch After Photo Where Nose Looks Kind Of Weird
22nd May 2019 - 7.42 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Distraught Man Still Finding Painful Reminders Of Long-Gone Hoagie Around Apartment
22nd May 2019 - 6.32 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Mild Mild West: ‘Red Dead Online’ Isn’t Worth Playing Since You Can See Real Horses At The Zoo
22nd May 2019 - 6.21 pm
Source: The Onion
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David Brooks Decries Incivility Of Modern Plumbing After Tripping On Feet And Falling Headfirst Into Toilet
22nd May 2019 - 5.53 pm
Source: The Onion
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I Am An Affront To God
22nd May 2019 - 4.52 pm
Source: The Onion
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Coach’s Un-Athletic Son Going To Get Fucking Reamed After Game For Dropping Fly Ball
22nd May 2019 - 4.12 pm
Source: The Onion
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Pros And Cons Of Noise-Canceling Headphones
22nd May 2019 - 3.45 pm
Source: The Onion
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Cousin Really Going All-In On Retweeting Porn Stars
22nd May 2019 - 3.37 pm
Source: The Onion
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Britney Spears May Never Perform Again
22nd May 2019 - 2.52 pm
Source: The Onion
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Overweight Video Game Character Insecure About Size Of His Hitbox
22nd May 2019 - 2.29 pm
Source: The Onion
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Everything We Know About The ‘Final Fantasy VII’ Remake
21st May 2019 - 7.13 pm
Source: The Onion
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‘Game Of Thrones’ Caps Off Series Finale
21st May 2019 - 7.08 pm
Source: The Onion
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Trump Demands Investigation Into Whether Clintons Gave Him Non-Registry Wedding Gift In 2005
21st May 2019 - 6.18 pm
Source: The Onion
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Mom Guesses Dressbarn Closure Means She’ll Just Have To Go Shop With All The Sluts Over At Chico’s Now
21st May 2019 - 5.36 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Employee Using Up Sick Days Before Leaving Company
21st May 2019 - 5.32 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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People Criticizing ‘Anthem’ Don’t Understand The Developer’s Vision Of A Game That Had To Come Out This Past Fiscal Year
21st May 2019 - 4.38 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Zion Williamson Excited To Play For Team With Proven History Of Frittering Away Generational Talents
21st May 2019 - 4.21 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Freedom-Wielding High Schooler Freedoms Down 16 Classmates In Latest Mass Freedoming
21st May 2019 - 4.06 pm
Source: The Onion
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New Chocolate Flavor ‘Ruby’ Coming To U.S.
21st May 2019 - 3.52 pm
Source: The Onion
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5 Things To Know About ‘Aladdin’
21st May 2019 - 12.52 pm
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Wedding Experts Say Engagement Ring Should Cost At Least Three Diamond Miners’ Lives
21st May 2019 - 12.45 pm
Source: The Onion
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 21, 2019
21st May 2019 - 12.38 pm
Source: The Onion
Cracked
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6 Movie and TV Easter Eggs Hidden In The Real World
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Shocking Ways People Turned Tragedies Into Cold, Hard Cash
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Old-Timey Theories About Health That Were Dumb AF
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Myspace Admits It Has Deleted All Of Your Stuff (Again)
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Lame Attempts to Make Action Heroes Look Badass
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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The Real Lesson of James Gunn Coming Back To 'Guardians 3'
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Impressive Scams People Used To Get Out Of Work
17th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Hilarious Ways Ads Tried To Make Boring Products Cool
16th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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The Real Colonel Sanders Was A Relentless, Amazing Maniac
16th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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6 Stories That Prove Instagram Influencers Are The Worst
15th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Study: Hip-Hop Makes Your Cheese Taste Better (Seriously)
15th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Annoying Things They Don't Tell You About Being A Parent
15th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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How Normal People Do Things And How YOU Do Things
15th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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The Big Clues In The New Avengers Trailer (Are The Haircuts)
14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Bryan Singer Dropped From 'Red Sonja' For The Worst Reason
14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Behind-The-Scenes Shots That Take The Glamour Out Of Ads
14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 New (And Strangely Plausible) Conspiracy Theories
14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Netflix Is Making More Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Movies
13th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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7 Viral Stories That Had Twists Nobody Remembers
13th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Reasons The DC Film Universe Is Poised To Make A Comeback
13th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Here Are The Super Weird 'Captain Marvel' Ads You Missed
12th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Scary Stories That Sound Made Up (That Really Happened)
12th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Ted Bundy's Execution Party Was Completely Nuts
12th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Scientists Will Zap Prisoners' Brains To Make Them Behave
11th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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The Disney Vault Is Dead, Long Live Disney+
11th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Math Anxiety Is A Real Thing That’s Freaking You Out
11th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Foreign Reality Shows That Put American Ones To Shame
11th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 People Who Learned A Horrible Truth About Themselves On TV
10th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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6 Natural Wonders That Are Creepier Than Any Horror Movie
9th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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The Bizarre, Terrifying Effects Of Sleep Deprivation
9th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Modern Countries That Are Acting Like Insane Supervillains
8th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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14 Dumb Health Products Pretending To Be Ancient Secrets
8th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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These 42 Characters Are Identical No Matter What They're In
8th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Goddamn It, Alex Trebek Has Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer
7th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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A 'Game Of Thrones' Trailer Is Inspiring More Wacky Theories
7th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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6 Reasons Famously Bad Movies Totally Sucked
7th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Crucial Things To Remember About Our Wretched Hellscape
7th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Films That Accidentally Made The Villain The Nicest Person
6th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Better Versions Of Superheroes We'll Hopefully Get Soon
6th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Disney's 'Star Wars' Menu Looks Kind Of Gross
5th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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'Fortnite' Erotica Says A Ton About The Future Of Gaming
5th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Steven Spielberg Wants To Destroy Netflix Movies
4th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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4 Viral Science News Stories The Media Totally Screwed Up
4th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Killing The Amazon Dash Button Will Only Make It Stronger
4th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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6 Miracle Cures That Are Way Worse Than The Disease Itself
4th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Ways We Train Teenage Girls To Love Psychopaths
3rd March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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The 5 Weirdest Schemes Real Countries Use To Pay The Bills
2nd March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Unhelpful Ways We Respond To A Friend In Crisis
2nd March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Weird Facts About Congress Nobody Told You In School
1st March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Ways Baby Boomers Keep Getting Worse
1st March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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News Thump
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New Worst Prime Minister in History set to be in place for July
24th May 2019 - 3.26 pm
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Theresa May's leaving do just her drinking scotch through a straw while crying
24th May 2019 - 1.45 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa was a hardworking, admirable Prime Minister and as a personal friend I’m sad to see her go, says Tory MP who called for her hanging yesterday
24th May 2019 - 12.19 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May dusts off CV before realising Achievements section doesn't need updating
24th May 2019 - 11.46 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May to be put in Bagpuss' shop window along with all the other lost and broken things nobody wants any more
24th May 2019 - 11.02 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Mark Francois to spend Bank Holiday masturbating to The Great Escape
24th May 2019 - 10.21 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May informs Tory Brexiters 'Therexit means Therexit'
24th May 2019 - 9.48 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
But you don't mind Google spying on you? asks Huawei
24th May 2019 - 9.25 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Arseholes reminded that milkshaking volunteers instead of politicians makes them look like petulant scumbags
23rd May 2019 - 9.10 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Prick insists on taking his own f*cking biro into the polling booth
23rd May 2019 - 3.08 pm
Source: News Thump
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Stubborn stains to be renamed 'Theresa Mays'
23rd May 2019 - 2.53 pm
Source: News Thump
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But who will pour the tea now? asked Mog, sadly
23rd May 2019 - 1.48 pm
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Screw it, we're going to make a new show and just call it Tits and Dragons, says HBO
23rd May 2019 - 11.53 am
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Humour
Massive EU election conspiracy foiled after Brexit voter uses a pen
23rd May 2019 - 11.23 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Mark Francois denies making throat-slitting gesture, claims insects were stuck in his jowls
23rd May 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Nigel Farage's bus ordeal to be given Hollywood treatment in ‘Night of the Living Milkshakes’
23rd May 2019 - 10.10 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Andrea Leadsom to marry Dothraki horse lord to consolidate power
23rd May 2019 - 9.27 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
British given vote on Brussels bureaucrats for first time ever
23rd May 2019 - 9.08 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Nation left shocked as "heavy-hearted" Andrea Leadsom implies she has a heart
23rd May 2019 - 8.51 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Huawei's new phone unveiled as two tin cans and piece of string
22nd May 2019 - 2.47 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
EU elections set to be even more disappointing than Game of Thrones finale
22nd May 2019 - 12.01 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Bran Stark has milkshake thrown over him by angry members of the Unsullied
22nd May 2019 - 8.56 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
We are having a fourth vote on my deal in case anyone has changed their mind, insists irony-free Theresa May
22nd May 2019 - 8.47 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Brexit Party to highlight 'undemocratic' nature of EU by running in democratic EU election
22nd May 2019 - 8.27 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Far-right supporters unhappy about milkshake jokes quietly asking themselves 'Wait, are WE the snowflakes?'
21st May 2019 - 12.45 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Chris Grayling throws milkshake at himself – and misses
21st May 2019 - 10.21 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Newspaper columnist planning to vote for 'someone unexpected' believes people give a shit
21st May 2019 - 10.04 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Brexit Party to avoid further unfortunate milkshake incidents with new protective uniform
20th May 2019 - 4.16 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Jeremy Renner to play Tommy Robinson in "No Country for Brown Men"
20th May 2019 - 3.37 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
'Nazi salute' actually began as a reflex to block incoming milkshakes, confirm historians
20th May 2019 - 12.13 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Boris Johnson promises an extra £350m a week for the NHS if elected Tory leader
20th May 2019 - 11.13 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Britain once again crowned champion at grinning through a humiliating Eurovision defeat
20th May 2019 - 9.39 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Game of Thrones shocks fans with 'it was all a dream' soap opera ending
20th May 2019 - 9.01 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Missouri makes menstruation a crime after learning ovum could able been a child
18th May 2019 - 10.21 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Man outraged by Robert Pattinson as Batman has never actually seen any of his films
18th May 2019 - 10.13 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Concern that rise in conspiracy theories could be the work of secret organisation of powerful elites
18th May 2019 - 9.53 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Shock as Theresa May fails to negotiate a deal with someone
17th May 2019 - 10.47 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Boris Johnson submits planning application for 10 Downing Street sex dungeon
17th May 2019 - 9.45 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Decisive Labour Party not ruling out looking into the possible option of discussing a hypothetical 2nd referendum (should all else fail)
17th May 2019 - 9.37 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Change UK election strategy to share really savage memes about Nigel Farage
17th May 2019 - 9.27 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Dragon attack on Kings Landing was a ‘false flag’, claims Winterfell conspiracy theorist
17th May 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
"Oh fucking goody" says everyone
16th May 2019 - 2.36 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Rapists who want a big family all heading to Alabama
16th May 2019 - 1.52 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Game of Thrones fans left shocked as Daenerys kills almost as many innocent people as Tony Blair
16th May 2019 - 12.21 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Alabama outlaws abortion in cases of incest because that's about half their population
16th May 2019 - 11.02 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Strangely low turnout for Brexit Party rally in town that benefited massively from EU investment
16th May 2019 - 10.49 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Judge Rinder laughing his tits off
16th May 2019 - 9.48 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Change UK's monthly name change due imminently
16th May 2019 - 9.31 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
'We’d all be speaking German now' definitely worst possible consequence of Nazis winning war, insist Brexiters
15th May 2019 - 12.17 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Jeremy Kyle forced to go door-to-door berating poor people
15th May 2019 - 11.37 am
Source: News Thump

            

Latest Article

  


Articles

The Onion – America’s Finest News Source
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Published:
Source: The Onion




The Daily Mash
Humour
Now do Corbyn, says Britain
25th May 2019 - 6.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
‘My only consolation is that whoever follows me will be far worse’
25th May 2019 - 6.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Wife who agreed to share bottle of wine only drinks one glass again
24th May 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Morning airport drinking somehow consequence-free, reckon blokes
24th May 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
May to be remembered as Poundland Thatcher who accomplished jack sh*t
24th May 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Six ways to be superior when showing people your vinyl collection
24th May 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Couple who went to New York making sure everyone knows they stayed in Brooklyn
24th May 2019 - 8.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
How to be incredibly annoying at work
24th May 2019 - 7.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Middle class men still have no idea why they try to impress working class men
23rd May 2019 - 11.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Five shit endings that still would have been better than the Game of Thrones finale
23rd May 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Vote for whoever you like, it doesn’t matter and nobody gives a toss, experts advise
23rd May 2019 - 9.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Couple’s date in diary for sex getting dangerously close
23rd May 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Young people to have arses kicked all the way to polling stations
23rd May 2019 - 8.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Are you a ‘radicalised Remainer’ or do you just think Farage is a twat?
23rd May 2019 - 8.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Brexiters excited to vote on thing they know jack shit about again
23rd May 2019 - 7.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Tory MPs begin search for vaguely competent bastard
22nd May 2019 - 5.20 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Arsehole actually writes on gift bag label
22nd May 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Anything that touches Theresa May’s new Brexit plan will die, doctors warn
22nd May 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Tories assume steel workers just become male strippers
22nd May 2019 - 10.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Are you suffering from imposter syndrome or are you genuinely shit?
22nd May 2019 - 10.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Cunning robot ticks ‘I’m not a robot’ box
22nd May 2019 - 9.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Gunge Tank on Noel’s House Party was also liberal intolerance, Farage confirms
22nd May 2019 - 8.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Karma’s a bitch, say kids who loved Turkey Twizzlers
22nd May 2019 - 7.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Are you sexually promiscuous enough at work?
21st May 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Six things to have in your kitchen if you want to be Tory leader
21st May 2019 - 10.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Quirky start-up is based in normal office and pays its staff with money
21st May 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Song of Ice and Fire single released
21st May 2019 - 9.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Which historical monsters could have been stopped with a milkshake?
21st May 2019 - 8.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Dentistry is expensive because mouths are gross, dentists confirm
21st May 2019 - 7.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Slush Puppies volunteer to be thrown at twats
20th May 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Man’s views ignored by mainstream just because he is a bigoted nutter
20th May 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Giving kids stuff makes them like you, uncles confirm
20th May 2019 - 10.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Artisan bakery like methadone clinic for middle class people

20th May 2019 - 9.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
500,000 Game of Thrones fans sign petition demanding cuddle from mummy
20th May 2019 - 6.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Woman refusing to concede that husband has cold
20th May 2019 - 6.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Ride-on lawnmower still pinnacle of man’s desire
20th May 2019 - 6.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Colleges offer Level 5 NVQ in changing a duvet cover
19th May 2019 - 7.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Mum blows entire life savings at school fete
19th May 2019 - 7.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
How Madonna will out-weird Eurovision
18th May 2019 - 6.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Women do walk of shame to hen night
18th May 2019 - 6.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Five ways to join in the leg-washing ‘debate’ when you don’t give a shit
17th May 2019 - 11.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Your guide to the f**kheads, wankers and creeps who want to be next Tory leader
17th May 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
F**king maniac eats chocolate at bottom of Cornetto first
17th May 2019 - 10.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
How much more of a twat can Morrissey be?
17th May 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Pensioner thinks having a job once means he should get everything free
17th May 2019 - 8.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Woman finds men don’t like constructive criticism of dick pics
17th May 2019 - 7.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Corbyn ruins old folks’ coach trip to Whitby
16th May 2019 - 12.00 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Awful middle class child looking for second treehouse as an investment
16th May 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Millennial resigns herself to having ‘plant babies’
16th May 2019 - 10.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Twat looking for new series he can feel superior about not watching
16th May 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Onion
Humour
Nancy Pelosi Slams Edited Footage With Claim That When She’s Drunk You’ll Fucking Know It
24th May 2019 - 6.57 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Ed Sheeran Releasing Collaborative Album
24th May 2019 - 6.44 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
ICE Agent Can’t Believe He Being Reprimanded For Child Who Died All Those Months Ago
24th May 2019 - 5.43 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
5 Things To Know About The 2019 Measles Outbreak
24th May 2019 - 4.11 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Corner Store Customers Saddened By Sight Of Frantic Trump Doing Scratch-Off Tickets Right On Counter
24th May 2019 - 2.23 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
McDonald’s To Add Global Items To Food Menu
24th May 2019 - 2.21 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Chicago Authorities Free Over 2,000 Southpaws From Illegal Mascot Mill
24th May 2019 - 2.17 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Nintendo Announces That ‘Super Mario Maker 2’ Will Finally Let Users Build A Synagogue So Mario Can Get Bar Mitzvahed
24th May 2019 - 2.14 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Businessman Mortified To Discover He’s Been Wearing Suit Backwards All Day
24th May 2019 - 2.11 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Depressed LeBron James Realizes That At His Age Copernicus Was Developing Theory Of Heliocentrism
24th May 2019 - 12.56 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
New Employee Confused By Office Espresso Machine Just Returns To Desk With Mug Of Hot Water
24th May 2019 - 12.52 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
NBA Requests Fans Sitting Courtside Not Release Derivative Albums
24th May 2019 - 12.00 am
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Urban Outfitters Introducing Clothing Rental Service
23rd May 2019 - 10.04 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Song Banged Out In Half Hour By Professional Songwriters To Define Teenager’s Personality For Next Two Years
23rd May 2019 - 9.36 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Jay Inslee Recalls Decision To Run For President After 5 Teens From Across Globe Pressed Enchanted Rings Together To Call Him Into Existence
23rd May 2019 - 8.37 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Moby Provides Long-Range, Blurry Photo Taken Through Window To Prove He Currently Dating Natalie Portman
23rd May 2019 - 7.17 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Geologists Uncover Slab Of Amber Containing Perfectly Preserved Adam And Eve
23rd May 2019 - 6.22 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Tyson Holds Contest To Let Fans Submit New Ideas For Torturing Chicken To Death
23rd May 2019 - 5.49 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Japan Begins Testing Next-Gen Bullet Train
23rd May 2019 - 4.44 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
India Continues Surge Towards Status As First World Nation By Reelecting Racist, Right-Wing Authoritarian
23rd May 2019 - 4.39 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
A Country Divided: The Onion Takes An In-Depth Look At How State Boundaries Work
23rd May 2019 - 4.30 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Keanu Reeves Recalls Preparing For ‘John Wick 3’ By Acting In Two Previous ‘John Wick’ Films
23rd May 2019 - 3.26 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Tips For Home Baking
23rd May 2019 - 3.21 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Trump Warns China Not To Underestimate His Willingness To Sacrifice Every American’s Well-Being
23rd May 2019 - 2.48 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Tips For Playing ‘Rage 2’
23rd May 2019 - 2.34 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Polite Disney World Guest Decides Not To Bother Mickey Mouse For Picture
23rd May 2019 - 2.16 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
25 McDonald’s Employees Come Forward With Sexual Harassment Claim
22nd May 2019 - 10.10 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Resistance Is Fetal
22nd May 2019 - 8.19 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Woman Attempting To Cultivate Self-Love Forced To Start Completely From Scratch After Photo Where Nose Looks Kind Of Weird
22nd May 2019 - 7.42 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Distraught Man Still Finding Painful Reminders Of Long-Gone Hoagie Around Apartment
22nd May 2019 - 6.32 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Mild Mild West: ‘Red Dead Online’ Isn’t Worth Playing Since You Can See Real Horses At The Zoo
22nd May 2019 - 6.21 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
David Brooks Decries Incivility Of Modern Plumbing After Tripping On Feet And Falling Headfirst Into Toilet
22nd May 2019 - 5.53 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
I Am An Affront To God
22nd May 2019 - 4.52 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Coach’s Un-Athletic Son Going To Get Fucking Reamed After Game For Dropping Fly Ball
22nd May 2019 - 4.12 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Pros And Cons Of Noise-Canceling Headphones
22nd May 2019 - 3.45 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Cousin Really Going All-In On Retweeting Porn Stars
22nd May 2019 - 3.37 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Britney Spears May Never Perform Again
22nd May 2019 - 2.52 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Overweight Video Game Character Insecure About Size Of His Hitbox
22nd May 2019 - 2.29 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Everything We Know About The ‘Final Fantasy VII’ Remake
21st May 2019 - 7.13 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
‘Game Of Thrones’ Caps Off Series Finale
21st May 2019 - 7.08 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Trump Demands Investigation Into Whether Clintons Gave Him Non-Registry Wedding Gift In 2005
21st May 2019 - 6.18 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Mom Guesses Dressbarn Closure Means She’ll Just Have To Go Shop With All The Sluts Over At Chico’s Now
21st May 2019 - 5.36 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Employee Using Up Sick Days Before Leaving Company
21st May 2019 - 5.32 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
People Criticizing ‘Anthem’ Don’t Understand The Developer’s Vision Of A Game That Had To Come Out This Past Fiscal Year
21st May 2019 - 4.38 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Zion Williamson Excited To Play For Team With Proven History Of Frittering Away Generational Talents
21st May 2019 - 4.21 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Freedom-Wielding High Schooler Freedoms Down 16 Classmates In Latest Mass Freedoming
21st May 2019 - 4.06 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
New Chocolate Flavor ‘Ruby’ Coming To U.S.
21st May 2019 - 3.52 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
5 Things To Know About ‘Aladdin’
21st May 2019 - 12.52 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Wedding Experts Say Engagement Ring Should Cost At Least Three Diamond Miners’ Lives
21st May 2019 - 12.45 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 21, 2019
21st May 2019 - 12.38 pm
Source: The Onion
Cracked
Humour
6 Movie and TV Easter Eggs Hidden In The Real World
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Shocking Ways People Turned Tragedies Into Cold, Hard Cash
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Old-Timey Theories About Health That Were Dumb AF
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Myspace Admits It Has Deleted All Of Your Stuff (Again)
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Lame Attempts to Make Action Heroes Look Badass
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
The Real Lesson of James Gunn Coming Back To 'Guardians 3'
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Impressive Scams People Used To Get Out Of Work
17th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 Hilarious Ways Ads Tried To Make Boring Products Cool
16th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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The Real Colonel Sanders Was A Relentless, Amazing Maniac
16th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
6 Stories That Prove Instagram Influencers Are The Worst
15th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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Study: Hip-Hop Makes Your Cheese Taste Better (Seriously)
15th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Annoying Things They Don't Tell You About Being A Parent
15th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
How Normal People Do Things And How YOU Do Things
15th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
The Big Clues In The New Avengers Trailer (Are The Haircuts)
14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Bryan Singer Dropped From 'Red Sonja' For The Worst Reason
14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Behind-The-Scenes Shots That Take The Glamour Out Of Ads
14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 New (And Strangely Plausible) Conspiracy Theories
14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Netflix Is Making More Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Movies
13th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
7 Viral Stories That Had Twists Nobody Remembers
13th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Reasons The DC Film Universe Is Poised To Make A Comeback
13th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Here Are The Super Weird 'Captain Marvel' Ads You Missed
12th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 Scary Stories That Sound Made Up (That Really Happened)
12th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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Ted Bundy's Execution Party Was Completely Nuts
12th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Scientists Will Zap Prisoners' Brains To Make Them Behave
11th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
The Disney Vault Is Dead, Long Live Disney+
11th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Math Anxiety Is A Real Thing That’s Freaking You Out
11th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 Foreign Reality Shows That Put American Ones To Shame
11th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
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5 People Who Learned A Horrible Truth About Themselves On TV
10th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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6 Natural Wonders That Are Creepier Than Any Horror Movie
9th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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The Bizarre, Terrifying Effects Of Sleep Deprivation
9th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 Modern Countries That Are Acting Like Insane Supervillains
8th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
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14 Dumb Health Products Pretending To Be Ancient Secrets
8th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
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These 42 Characters Are Identical No Matter What They're In
8th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Goddamn It, Alex Trebek Has Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer
7th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
A 'Game Of Thrones' Trailer Is Inspiring More Wacky Theories
7th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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6 Reasons Famously Bad Movies Totally Sucked
7th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Crucial Things To Remember About Our Wretched Hellscape
7th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Films That Accidentally Made The Villain The Nicest Person
6th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Better Versions Of Superheroes We'll Hopefully Get Soon
6th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Disney's 'Star Wars' Menu Looks Kind Of Gross
5th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
'Fortnite' Erotica Says A Ton About The Future Of Gaming
5th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
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Humour
Steven Spielberg Wants To Destroy Netflix Movies
4th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
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Humour
4 Viral Science News Stories The Media Totally Screwed Up
4th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Killing The Amazon Dash Button Will Only Make It Stronger
4th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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6 Miracle Cures That Are Way Worse Than The Disease Itself
4th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Ways We Train Teenage Girls To Love Psychopaths
3rd March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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The 5 Weirdest Schemes Real Countries Use To Pay The Bills
2nd March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
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5 Unhelpful Ways We Respond To A Friend In Crisis
2nd March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Weird Facts About Congress Nobody Told You In School
1st March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Ways Baby Boomers Keep Getting Worse
1st March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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News Thump
Humour
New Worst Prime Minister in History set to be in place for July
24th May 2019 - 3.26 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May's leaving do just her drinking scotch through a straw while crying
24th May 2019 - 1.45 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa was a hardworking, admirable Prime Minister and as a personal friend I’m sad to see her go, says Tory MP who called for her hanging yesterday
24th May 2019 - 12.19 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May dusts off CV before realising Achievements section doesn't need updating
24th May 2019 - 11.46 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May to be put in Bagpuss' shop window along with all the other lost and broken things nobody wants any more
24th May 2019 - 11.02 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Mark Francois to spend Bank Holiday masturbating to The Great Escape
24th May 2019 - 10.21 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May informs Tory Brexiters 'Therexit means Therexit'
24th May 2019 - 9.48 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
But you don't mind Google spying on you? asks Huawei
24th May 2019 - 9.25 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Arseholes reminded that milkshaking volunteers instead of politicians makes them look like petulant scumbags
23rd May 2019 - 9.10 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Prick insists on taking his own f*cking biro into the polling booth
23rd May 2019 - 3.08 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Stubborn stains to be renamed 'Theresa Mays'
23rd May 2019 - 2.53 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
But who will pour the tea now? asked Mog, sadly
23rd May 2019 - 1.48 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Screw it, we're going to make a new show and just call it Tits and Dragons, says HBO
23rd May 2019 - 11.53 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Massive EU election conspiracy foiled after Brexit voter uses a pen
23rd May 2019 - 11.23 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Mark Francois denies making throat-slitting gesture, claims insects were stuck in his jowls
23rd May 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Nigel Farage's bus ordeal to be given Hollywood treatment in ‘Night of the Living Milkshakes’
23rd May 2019 - 10.10 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Andrea Leadsom to marry Dothraki horse lord to consolidate power
23rd May 2019 - 9.27 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
British given vote on Brussels bureaucrats for first time ever
23rd May 2019 - 9.08 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Nation left shocked as "heavy-hearted" Andrea Leadsom implies she has a heart
23rd May 2019 - 8.51 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Huawei's new phone unveiled as two tin cans and piece of string
22nd May 2019 - 2.47 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
EU elections set to be even more disappointing than Game of Thrones finale
22nd May 2019 - 12.01 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Bran Stark has milkshake thrown over him by angry members of the Unsullied
22nd May 2019 - 8.56 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
We are having a fourth vote on my deal in case anyone has changed their mind, insists irony-free Theresa May
22nd May 2019 - 8.47 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Brexit Party to highlight 'undemocratic' nature of EU by running in democratic EU election
22nd May 2019 - 8.27 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Far-right supporters unhappy about milkshake jokes quietly asking themselves 'Wait, are WE the snowflakes?'
21st May 2019 - 12.45 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Chris Grayling throws milkshake at himself – and misses
21st May 2019 - 10.21 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Newspaper columnist planning to vote for 'someone unexpected' believes people give a shit
21st May 2019 - 10.04 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Brexit Party to avoid further unfortunate milkshake incidents with new protective uniform
20th May 2019 - 4.16 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Jeremy Renner to play Tommy Robinson in "No Country for Brown Men"
20th May 2019 - 3.37 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
'Nazi salute' actually began as a reflex to block incoming milkshakes, confirm historians
20th May 2019 - 12.13 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Boris Johnson promises an extra £350m a week for the NHS if elected Tory leader
20th May 2019 - 11.13 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Britain once again crowned champion at grinning through a humiliating Eurovision defeat
20th May 2019 - 9.39 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Game of Thrones shocks fans with 'it was all a dream' soap opera ending
20th May 2019 - 9.01 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Missouri makes menstruation a crime after learning ovum could able been a child
18th May 2019 - 10.21 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Man outraged by Robert Pattinson as Batman has never actually seen any of his films
18th May 2019 - 10.13 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Concern that rise in conspiracy theories could be the work of secret organisation of powerful elites
18th May 2019 - 9.53 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Shock as Theresa May fails to negotiate a deal with someone
17th May 2019 - 10.47 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Boris Johnson submits planning application for 10 Downing Street sex dungeon
17th May 2019 - 9.45 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Decisive Labour Party not ruling out looking into the possible option of discussing a hypothetical 2nd referendum (should all else fail)
17th May 2019 - 9.37 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Change UK election strategy to share really savage memes about Nigel Farage
17th May 2019 - 9.27 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Dragon attack on Kings Landing was a ‘false flag’, claims Winterfell conspiracy theorist
17th May 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
"Oh fucking goody" says everyone
16th May 2019 - 2.36 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Rapists who want a big family all heading to Alabama
16th May 2019 - 1.52 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Game of Thrones fans left shocked as Daenerys kills almost as many innocent people as Tony Blair
16th May 2019 - 12.21 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Alabama outlaws abortion in cases of incest because that's about half their population
16th May 2019 - 11.02 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Strangely low turnout for Brexit Party rally in town that benefited massively from EU investment
16th May 2019 - 10.49 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Judge Rinder laughing his tits off
16th May 2019 - 9.48 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Change UK's monthly name change due imminently
16th May 2019 - 9.31 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
'We’d all be speaking German now' definitely worst possible consequence of Nazis winning war, insist Brexiters
15th May 2019 - 12.17 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Jeremy Kyle forced to go door-to-door berating poor people
15th May 2019 - 11.37 am
Source: News Thump

            

Latest Article




Articles

The Onion – America’s Finest News Source
Go to full article
Published: 25th May 2019 - 3.41 pm
Source: The Onion


The Daily Mash
Humour
Now do Corbyn, says Britain
25th May 2019 - 6.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
‘My only consolation is that whoever follows me will be far worse’
25th May 2019 - 6.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Wife who agreed to share bottle of wine only drinks one glass again
24th May 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Morning airport drinking somehow consequence-free, reckon blokes
24th May 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
May to be remembered as Poundland Thatcher who accomplished jack sh*t
24th May 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Six ways to be superior when showing people your vinyl collection
24th May 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Couple who went to New York making sure everyone knows they stayed in Brooklyn
24th May 2019 - 8.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
How to be incredibly annoying at work
24th May 2019 - 7.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Middle class men still have no idea why they try to impress working class men
23rd May 2019 - 11.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Five shit endings that still would have been better than the Game of Thrones finale
23rd May 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Vote for whoever you like, it doesn’t matter and nobody gives a toss, experts advise
23rd May 2019 - 9.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Couple’s date in diary for sex getting dangerously close
23rd May 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Young people to have arses kicked all the way to polling stations
23rd May 2019 - 8.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Are you a ‘radicalised Remainer’ or do you just think Farage is a twat?
23rd May 2019 - 8.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Brexiters excited to vote on thing they know jack shit about again
23rd May 2019 - 7.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Tory MPs begin search for vaguely competent bastard
22nd May 2019 - 5.20 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Arsehole actually writes on gift bag label
22nd May 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Anything that touches Theresa May’s new Brexit plan will die, doctors warn
22nd May 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Tories assume steel workers just become male strippers
22nd May 2019 - 10.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Are you suffering from imposter syndrome or are you genuinely shit?
22nd May 2019 - 10.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Cunning robot ticks ‘I’m not a robot’ box
22nd May 2019 - 9.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Gunge Tank on Noel’s House Party was also liberal intolerance, Farage confirms
22nd May 2019 - 8.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Karma’s a bitch, say kids who loved Turkey Twizzlers
22nd May 2019 - 7.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Are you sexually promiscuous enough at work?
21st May 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Six things to have in your kitchen if you want to be Tory leader
21st May 2019 - 10.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Quirky start-up is based in normal office and pays its staff with money
21st May 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Song of Ice and Fire single released
21st May 2019 - 9.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Which historical monsters could have been stopped with a milkshake?
21st May 2019 - 8.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Dentistry is expensive because mouths are gross, dentists confirm
21st May 2019 - 7.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Slush Puppies volunteer to be thrown at twats
20th May 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Man’s views ignored by mainstream just because he is a bigoted nutter
20th May 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Giving kids stuff makes them like you, uncles confirm
20th May 2019 - 10.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Artisan bakery like methadone clinic for middle class people

20th May 2019 - 9.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
500,000 Game of Thrones fans sign petition demanding cuddle from mummy
20th May 2019 - 6.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Woman refusing to concede that husband has cold
20th May 2019 - 6.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Ride-on lawnmower still pinnacle of man’s desire
20th May 2019 - 6.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Colleges offer Level 5 NVQ in changing a duvet cover
19th May 2019 - 7.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Mum blows entire life savings at school fete
19th May 2019 - 7.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
How Madonna will out-weird Eurovision
18th May 2019 - 6.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Women do walk of shame to hen night
18th May 2019 - 6.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Five ways to join in the leg-washing ‘debate’ when you don’t give a shit
17th May 2019 - 11.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Your guide to the f**kheads, wankers and creeps who want to be next Tory leader
17th May 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
F**king maniac eats chocolate at bottom of Cornetto first
17th May 2019 - 10.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
How much more of a twat can Morrissey be?
17th May 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Pensioner thinks having a job once means he should get everything free
17th May 2019 - 8.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Woman finds men don’t like constructive criticism of dick pics
17th May 2019 - 7.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Corbyn ruins old folks’ coach trip to Whitby
16th May 2019 - 12.00 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Awful middle class child looking for second treehouse as an investment
16th May 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Millennial resigns herself to having ‘plant babies’
16th May 2019 - 10.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Twat looking for new series he can feel superior about not watching
16th May 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Onion
Humour
Nancy Pelosi Slams Edited Footage With Claim That When She’s Drunk You’ll Fucking Know It
24th May 2019 - 6.57 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Ed Sheeran Releasing Collaborative Album
24th May 2019 - 6.44 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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ICE Agent Can’t Believe He Being Reprimanded For Child Who Died All Those Months Ago
24th May 2019 - 5.43 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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5 Things To Know About The 2019 Measles Outbreak
24th May 2019 - 4.11 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Corner Store Customers Saddened By Sight Of Frantic Trump Doing Scratch-Off Tickets Right On Counter
24th May 2019 - 2.23 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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McDonald’s To Add Global Items To Food Menu
24th May 2019 - 2.21 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Chicago Authorities Free Over 2,000 Southpaws From Illegal Mascot Mill
24th May 2019 - 2.17 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Nintendo Announces That ‘Super Mario Maker 2’ Will Finally Let Users Build A Synagogue So Mario Can Get Bar Mitzvahed
24th May 2019 - 2.14 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Businessman Mortified To Discover He’s Been Wearing Suit Backwards All Day
24th May 2019 - 2.11 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Depressed LeBron James Realizes That At His Age Copernicus Was Developing Theory Of Heliocentrism
24th May 2019 - 12.56 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
New Employee Confused By Office Espresso Machine Just Returns To Desk With Mug Of Hot Water
24th May 2019 - 12.52 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
NBA Requests Fans Sitting Courtside Not Release Derivative Albums
24th May 2019 - 12.00 am
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Urban Outfitters Introducing Clothing Rental Service
23rd May 2019 - 10.04 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Song Banged Out In Half Hour By Professional Songwriters To Define Teenager’s Personality For Next Two Years
23rd May 2019 - 9.36 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Jay Inslee Recalls Decision To Run For President After 5 Teens From Across Globe Pressed Enchanted Rings Together To Call Him Into Existence
23rd May 2019 - 8.37 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Moby Provides Long-Range, Blurry Photo Taken Through Window To Prove He Currently Dating Natalie Portman
23rd May 2019 - 7.17 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Geologists Uncover Slab Of Amber Containing Perfectly Preserved Adam And Eve
23rd May 2019 - 6.22 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Tyson Holds Contest To Let Fans Submit New Ideas For Torturing Chicken To Death
23rd May 2019 - 5.49 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Japan Begins Testing Next-Gen Bullet Train
23rd May 2019 - 4.44 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
India Continues Surge Towards Status As First World Nation By Reelecting Racist, Right-Wing Authoritarian
23rd May 2019 - 4.39 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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A Country Divided: The Onion Takes An In-Depth Look At How State Boundaries Work
23rd May 2019 - 4.30 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Keanu Reeves Recalls Preparing For ‘John Wick 3’ By Acting In Two Previous ‘John Wick’ Films
23rd May 2019 - 3.26 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Tips For Home Baking
23rd May 2019 - 3.21 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Trump Warns China Not To Underestimate His Willingness To Sacrifice Every American’s Well-Being
23rd May 2019 - 2.48 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Tips For Playing ‘Rage 2’
23rd May 2019 - 2.34 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Polite Disney World Guest Decides Not To Bother Mickey Mouse For Picture
23rd May 2019 - 2.16 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
25 McDonald’s Employees Come Forward With Sexual Harassment Claim
22nd May 2019 - 10.10 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Resistance Is Fetal
22nd May 2019 - 8.19 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Woman Attempting To Cultivate Self-Love Forced To Start Completely From Scratch After Photo Where Nose Looks Kind Of Weird
22nd May 2019 - 7.42 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Distraught Man Still Finding Painful Reminders Of Long-Gone Hoagie Around Apartment
22nd May 2019 - 6.32 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Mild Mild West: ‘Red Dead Online’ Isn’t Worth Playing Since You Can See Real Horses At The Zoo
22nd May 2019 - 6.21 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
David Brooks Decries Incivility Of Modern Plumbing After Tripping On Feet And Falling Headfirst Into Toilet
22nd May 2019 - 5.53 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
I Am An Affront To God
22nd May 2019 - 4.52 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Coach’s Un-Athletic Son Going To Get Fucking Reamed After Game For Dropping Fly Ball
22nd May 2019 - 4.12 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Pros And Cons Of Noise-Canceling Headphones
22nd May 2019 - 3.45 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Cousin Really Going All-In On Retweeting Porn Stars
22nd May 2019 - 3.37 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Britney Spears May Never Perform Again
22nd May 2019 - 2.52 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Overweight Video Game Character Insecure About Size Of His Hitbox
22nd May 2019 - 2.29 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Everything We Know About The ‘Final Fantasy VII’ Remake
21st May 2019 - 7.13 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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‘Game Of Thrones’ Caps Off Series Finale
21st May 2019 - 7.08 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Trump Demands Investigation Into Whether Clintons Gave Him Non-Registry Wedding Gift In 2005
21st May 2019 - 6.18 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Mom Guesses Dressbarn Closure Means She’ll Just Have To Go Shop With All The Sluts Over At Chico’s Now
21st May 2019 - 5.36 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Employee Using Up Sick Days Before Leaving Company
21st May 2019 - 5.32 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
People Criticizing ‘Anthem’ Don’t Understand The Developer’s Vision Of A Game That Had To Come Out This Past Fiscal Year
21st May 2019 - 4.38 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Zion Williamson Excited To Play For Team With Proven History Of Frittering Away Generational Talents
21st May 2019 - 4.21 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Freedom-Wielding High Schooler Freedoms Down 16 Classmates In Latest Mass Freedoming
21st May 2019 - 4.06 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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New Chocolate Flavor ‘Ruby’ Coming To U.S.
21st May 2019 - 3.52 pm
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The Onion
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5 Things To Know About ‘Aladdin’
21st May 2019 - 12.52 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Wedding Experts Say Engagement Ring Should Cost At Least Three Diamond Miners’ Lives
21st May 2019 - 12.45 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 21, 2019
21st May 2019 - 12.38 pm
Source: The Onion
Cracked
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6 Movie and TV Easter Eggs Hidden In The Real World
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Shocking Ways People Turned Tragedies Into Cold, Hard Cash
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Old-Timey Theories About Health That Were Dumb AF
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Myspace Admits It Has Deleted All Of Your Stuff (Again)
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Lame Attempts to Make Action Heroes Look Badass
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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The Real Lesson of James Gunn Coming Back To 'Guardians 3'
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Impressive Scams People Used To Get Out Of Work
17th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Hilarious Ways Ads Tried To Make Boring Products Cool
16th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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The Real Colonel Sanders Was A Relentless, Amazing Maniac
16th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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6 Stories That Prove Instagram Influencers Are The Worst
15th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Study: Hip-Hop Makes Your Cheese Taste Better (Seriously)
15th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Annoying Things They Don't Tell You About Being A Parent
15th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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15th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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The Big Clues In The New Avengers Trailer (Are The Haircuts)
14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Bryan Singer Dropped From 'Red Sonja' For The Worst Reason
14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Behind-The-Scenes Shots That Take The Glamour Out Of Ads
14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 New (And Strangely Plausible) Conspiracy Theories
14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Netflix Is Making More Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Movies
13th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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7 Viral Stories That Had Twists Nobody Remembers
13th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Reasons The DC Film Universe Is Poised To Make A Comeback
13th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Here Are The Super Weird 'Captain Marvel' Ads You Missed
12th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Scary Stories That Sound Made Up (That Really Happened)
12th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Ted Bundy's Execution Party Was Completely Nuts
12th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Scientists Will Zap Prisoners' Brains To Make Them Behave
11th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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The Disney Vault Is Dead, Long Live Disney+
11th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Math Anxiety Is A Real Thing That’s Freaking You Out
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5 People Who Learned A Horrible Truth About Themselves On TV
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Goddamn It, Alex Trebek Has Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer
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A 'Game Of Thrones' Trailer Is Inspiring More Wacky Theories
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Disney's 'Star Wars' Menu Looks Kind Of Gross
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'Fortnite' Erotica Says A Ton About The Future Of Gaming
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Steven Spielberg Wants To Destroy Netflix Movies
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Cracked
Humour
5 Weird Facts About Congress Nobody Told You In School
1st March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Ways Baby Boomers Keep Getting Worse
1st March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
News Thump
Humour
New Worst Prime Minister in History set to be in place for July
24th May 2019 - 3.26 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May's leaving do just her drinking scotch through a straw while crying
24th May 2019 - 1.45 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa was a hardworking, admirable Prime Minister and as a personal friend I’m sad to see her go, says Tory MP who called for her hanging yesterday
24th May 2019 - 12.19 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May dusts off CV before realising Achievements section doesn't need updating
24th May 2019 - 11.46 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May to be put in Bagpuss' shop window along with all the other lost and broken things nobody wants any more
24th May 2019 - 11.02 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Mark Francois to spend Bank Holiday masturbating to The Great Escape
24th May 2019 - 10.21 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May informs Tory Brexiters 'Therexit means Therexit'
24th May 2019 - 9.48 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
But you don't mind Google spying on you? asks Huawei
24th May 2019 - 9.25 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Arseholes reminded that milkshaking volunteers instead of politicians makes them look like petulant scumbags
23rd May 2019 - 9.10 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Prick insists on taking his own f*cking biro into the polling booth
23rd May 2019 - 3.08 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Stubborn stains to be renamed 'Theresa Mays'
23rd May 2019 - 2.53 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
But who will pour the tea now? asked Mog, sadly
23rd May 2019 - 1.48 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Screw it, we're going to make a new show and just call it Tits and Dragons, says HBO
23rd May 2019 - 11.53 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Massive EU election conspiracy foiled after Brexit voter uses a pen
23rd May 2019 - 11.23 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Mark Francois denies making throat-slitting gesture, claims insects were stuck in his jowls
23rd May 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Nigel Farage's bus ordeal to be given Hollywood treatment in ‘Night of the Living Milkshakes’
23rd May 2019 - 10.10 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Andrea Leadsom to marry Dothraki horse lord to consolidate power
23rd May 2019 - 9.27 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
British given vote on Brussels bureaucrats for first time ever
23rd May 2019 - 9.08 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Nation left shocked as "heavy-hearted" Andrea Leadsom implies she has a heart
23rd May 2019 - 8.51 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Huawei's new phone unveiled as two tin cans and piece of string
22nd May 2019 - 2.47 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
EU elections set to be even more disappointing than Game of Thrones finale
22nd May 2019 - 12.01 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Bran Stark has milkshake thrown over him by angry members of the Unsullied
22nd May 2019 - 8.56 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
We are having a fourth vote on my deal in case anyone has changed their mind, insists irony-free Theresa May
22nd May 2019 - 8.47 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Brexit Party to highlight 'undemocratic' nature of EU by running in democratic EU election
22nd May 2019 - 8.27 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Far-right supporters unhappy about milkshake jokes quietly asking themselves 'Wait, are WE the snowflakes?'
21st May 2019 - 12.45 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Chris Grayling throws milkshake at himself – and misses
21st May 2019 - 10.21 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Newspaper columnist planning to vote for 'someone unexpected' believes people give a shit
21st May 2019 - 10.04 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Brexit Party to avoid further unfortunate milkshake incidents with new protective uniform
20th May 2019 - 4.16 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Jeremy Renner to play Tommy Robinson in "No Country for Brown Men"
20th May 2019 - 3.37 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
'Nazi salute' actually began as a reflex to block incoming milkshakes, confirm historians
20th May 2019 - 12.13 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Boris Johnson promises an extra £350m a week for the NHS if elected Tory leader
20th May 2019 - 11.13 am
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Britain once again crowned champion at grinning through a humiliating Eurovision defeat
20th May 2019 - 9.39 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Game of Thrones shocks fans with 'it was all a dream' soap opera ending
20th May 2019 - 9.01 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Missouri makes menstruation a crime after learning ovum could able been a child
18th May 2019 - 10.21 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Man outraged by Robert Pattinson as Batman has never actually seen any of his films
18th May 2019 - 10.13 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Concern that rise in conspiracy theories could be the work of secret organisation of powerful elites
18th May 2019 - 9.53 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Shock as Theresa May fails to negotiate a deal with someone
17th May 2019 - 10.47 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Boris Johnson submits planning application for 10 Downing Street sex dungeon
17th May 2019 - 9.45 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Decisive Labour Party not ruling out looking into the possible option of discussing a hypothetical 2nd referendum (should all else fail)
17th May 2019 - 9.37 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Change UK election strategy to share really savage memes about Nigel Farage
17th May 2019 - 9.27 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Dragon attack on Kings Landing was a ‘false flag’, claims Winterfell conspiracy theorist
17th May 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
"Oh fucking goody" says everyone
16th May 2019 - 2.36 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Rapists who want a big family all heading to Alabama
16th May 2019 - 1.52 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Game of Thrones fans left shocked as Daenerys kills almost as many innocent people as Tony Blair
16th May 2019 - 12.21 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Alabama outlaws abortion in cases of incest because that's about half their population
16th May 2019 - 11.02 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Strangely low turnout for Brexit Party rally in town that benefited massively from EU investment
16th May 2019 - 10.49 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Judge Rinder laughing his tits off
16th May 2019 - 9.48 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Change UK's monthly name change due imminently
16th May 2019 - 9.31 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
'We’d all be speaking German now' definitely worst possible consequence of Nazis winning war, insist Brexiters
15th May 2019 - 12.17 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Jeremy Kyle forced to go door-to-door berating poor people
15th May 2019 - 11.37 am
Source: News Thump


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