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The BBC has announced that there will be no punishment for popular weather presenter Carol Kirkwood’s use of the phrase ‘hot as fuck.’


Published: 10th August 2018 - 9.48 am
Source: News Thump




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Childcare costs worth it to get away from our children, admit mums
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Everyone dying to ask left-wing Brexiter what f**king planet he’s on
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Andy Murray to retire from being Scottish
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We want you to hear us having sex, say foxes
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4 Crazy Marvel Scenes You Definitely Won't See In The Movies
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Mexico to spend $5billion on border stairs
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Theresa May tries to sway Jeremy Corbyn with enormous jar of homemade jam
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Theresa May launches range of non-stick pans
17th January 2019 - 12.30 pm
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Nigel Farage's guide to using private planes but not being part of the establishment elite
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'Brexit' scriptwriters admit they have no idea how to write season finale
17th January 2019 - 11.24 am
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Kim and Aggie receive anonymous request to remove stubborn stain from Number Ten
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"It's my opinion" not the bullet-proof defence Karen thinks it is
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John Prescott to thump an MP every hour on the hour until Brexit gets sorted
17th January 2019 - 8.45 am
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Zombies left hugely offended by comparisons to Theresa May's government
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Gillette commercial nowhere near as offensive as the price of their f*cking razor blades
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'Support Theresa May', plead DUP knowing nobody else would be stupid enough go to make a deal with them
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Theresa May grateful that vote of no confidence was called by only MP less popular than she is
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Britain successfully lulls EU into false sense of security by giving appearance of incompetence and confusion
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Hard Brexiter and Remainer both convinced they won tonight's parliamentary vote
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Nation shocked as crap deal presented by incompetent leader fails to secure outcome no-one wanted
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"Angry at our ad? Trim back that broflake rage with the new Gillette Sensor Incel"
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Donald Trump devastated after having to share his usual daily order of 300 burgers with visitors to the White House
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Man who loves free speech really can't handle it when people use it to disagree with him
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David Cameron somehow remains neither tarred nor feathered
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Man furious at Gillette for 'bullying is bad' advert perfectly happy to be targeted by 'this product helps you get sex' adverts
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Theresa May lays out offer of handjobs for support ahead of crucial Brexit vote
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Opinion: This is the fault of absolutely everyone except the people who actually voted for it
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Theresa May advised never to play poker
15th January 2019 - 8.34 am
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Kids left wondering why Mum is so determined to take them to see Aquaman
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Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse spotted near Westminster
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"Maybe we should all just be a bit nicer to each other?" suggests stupid f*cking dickhead
14th January 2019 - 12.41 pm
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Trump's wall to be reinforced with 'thoughts and prayers' after success in preventing school shootings
14th January 2019 - 10.30 am
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Philip May reassures Theresa: 'At least it's the last time you'll have to get up on a cold Monday morning'
14th January 2019 - 9.31 am
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Black men are terrible fathers, says shit-stirring hack who once hit his pregnant girlfriend
14th January 2019 - 9.08 am
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The only way to defeat far-right extremism is to do everything they want, insists Chris Grayling
12th January 2019 - 11.17 am
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Asylum applications: Home Office urged to use thumbscrews and waterboarding on the lying bastards
11th January 2019 - 11.47 am
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Jeremy Corbyn finally joins Brexit debate to come down firmly on the side of making Jeremy Corbyn prime minister
11th January 2019 - 9.58 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Donald Trump denies ever saying he would be faithful to his wife directly
11th January 2019 - 9.31 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Question Time fans outraged as David Dimbleby regenerates as a woman
11th January 2019 - 9.08 am
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'You are incredibly shit at cooking' insists smoke alarm
10th January 2019 - 3.48 pm
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Humour
Amazon boss Jeff Bezos celebrates divorce deal after being awarded 50% of wife's hair
10th January 2019 - 12.44 pm
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Sajid Javid to launch armed tank patrols along M6 after 26 migrants found in lorry
10th January 2019 - 12.24 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Furious Brexiteers accuse Parliament of trying to take back control of our laws
10th January 2019 - 11.05 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Donald Trump uses Oval Office address to demand new PlayStation, candy, and ‘hot secretaries’
10th January 2019 - 9.46 am
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Supergonorrhoea to join ailing DC Extended Universe
10th January 2019 - 9.36 am
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News Thump
Humour
Outrage as CBeebies' Mr Tumble teaches children to sign 'Nazi'
9th January 2019 - 4.05 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Jeremy Corbyn to be told about Brexit
9th January 2019 - 12.14 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
'Next to' the laundry basket basically the same as 'in' the laundry basket, insists man
9th January 2019 - 11.58 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Builders hugely impressed by Donald Trump's inability to build a wall on time
9th January 2019 - 8.46 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Disrupting flights is the worst thing drones have ever done, agree homeless Syrians
8th January 2019 - 9.14 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Donald Trump asked if he actually knows what happened to the wall in Game of Thrones
8th January 2019 - 5.35 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
American "sick of hearing foreigners speaking foreign" still doesn't speak Navajo or Cherokee
8th January 2019 - 3.35 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Twats in yellow vests screaming abuse at women 'doing wonders' for public perception of Brexit supporters
8th January 2019 - 12.23 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Dry January under threat as tax return deadline turns people to drink
8th January 2019 - 11.14 am
Source: News Thump

           

Latest Article

  


Articles

The BBC has announced that there will be no punishment for popular weather presenter Carol Kirkwood’s use of the phrase ‘hot as fuck.’


Published:
Source: News Thump




The Daily Mash
Humour
Plans great until you have to actually f**king do them
17th January 2019 - 12.00 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
F**king unite behind me you twats, says May at cross-party talks
17th January 2019 - 11.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Neighbours delighted man’s friend beeped car horn 15 times as he left last night
17th January 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Man decides 10-pin bowling is ‘just a laugh’ after discovering he’s shit at it
17th January 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Teenager is first in his family to go to university with two Es
17th January 2019 - 9.20 am
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Theresa May’s guide to hanging on like an idiot
17th January 2019 - 8.50 am
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The Daily Mash
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Strong and stable government to continue
16th January 2019 - 7.20 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Bar owner cannot believe people pay ten quid for a ‘mocktail’
16th January 2019 - 12.20 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Are you a weird Labour MP who’s obviously joined the wrong party?
16th January 2019 - 11.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Four new wellness trends for 2019 that we’ve just pulled out of our arses
16th January 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Remainers wishing Jean-Claude Juncker wasn’t such a git
16th January 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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‘Oops, did our advert piss off dickheads?’ asks razor blade company
16th January 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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It couldn’t happen to a nicer delusional maniac, agrees Britain
16th January 2019 - 9.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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All options ruled out
16th January 2019 - 8.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Labelling half the country whining Remoaner twats ‘not the best idea’, admits May
15th January 2019 - 7.50 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Man keeps peeking out widow to see if riots have started yet
15th January 2019 - 7.50 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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‘So, we’re all agreed this is a great deal’ confirms May
15th January 2019 - 7.40 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Oven chip cooking time amended to eight weeks
15th January 2019 - 12.00 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Right age to lose virginity ‘no more than 18 months after you’ve claimed to’
15th January 2019 - 11.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Airport worker almost forgets to add the chemtrails
15th January 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Parents confirm they have great respect for ‘parenting experts’ and don’t want them to shut the f**k up
15th January 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
‘Nutjob’ neighbours with Brexit stockpile now seem wise and useful
15th January 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
What sort of shit sandwich do you want? asks May
15th January 2019 - 8.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Esther McVey’s guide to not having the faintest idea what you’re talking about
14th January 2019 - 4.00 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Private school pupils ‘under huge pressure to have opinions about venison’
14th January 2019 - 11.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Boris Johnson’s Guide to the Best of Both Worlds
14th January 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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‘Not to be shallow, but no one under six foot’ says shallow woman on dating app
14th January 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
We’ve waived our completely made-up bullshit fee that pays for literally nothing, say gyms
14th January 2019 - 9.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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New teacher unsure if she even wants to inspire the little bastards now
14th January 2019 - 9.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Man embarks on doomed facial hair experiment
14th January 2019 - 9.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Childcare costs worth it to get away from our children, admit mums
13th January 2019 - 9.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Single man considering third item of furniture
13th January 2019 - 9.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Have you got enough crap on your hands to use a McDonalds touch screen?
13th January 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Woman pretending she’s not in department store just to do a shit
12th January 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Couple fall in love over shared hatred of salsa
12th January 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Middle class couple go whole holiday without befriending other middle class couple
11th January 2019 - 12.00 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Middlesbrough ‘could resemble Middlesbrough in event of no-deal’
11th January 2019 - 11.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Everyone dying to ask left-wing Brexiter what f**king planet he’s on
11th January 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Man more successful than Britpop band he used to worship
11th January 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Andy Murray to retire from being Scottish
11th January 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Are you an office sociopath or an actual sociopath?
11th January 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Boss sure handing out manky leftover sandwiches will really boost morale
10th January 2019 - 12.20 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
What sort of Remain traitor are you?
10th January 2019 - 11.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
We want you to hear us having sex, say foxes
10th January 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Man pretty sure he can see muscles after six sit-ups
10th January 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Twitter storm of f**k all interest to any normal person enters sixth day
10th January 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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The farmer’s guide to voting for Brexit then being a dick about it
10th January 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Evil Guardian once again tricks football fan with article about women’s football
9th January 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Kate Bush forced to deny that ‘Hounds of Love’ is about the glory of fascist dictatorship
9th January 2019 - 11.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Mum attempting to communicate entirely in emojis
9th January 2019 - 11.00 am
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The Onion
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Ames Executives Scrambling After New Shovel Design Leaks
17th January 2019 - 5.44 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Zamboni Jams Up After Running Over Large Patch Of Loose Teeth
17th January 2019 - 5.37 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Netflix Raising Prices
17th January 2019 - 3.56 pm
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Man Nervous About Telling Date He Has Her Kids
17th January 2019 - 3.43 pm
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Report: There No Way Of Knowing Whether The Vague Award Mom Won At Work A Big Deal Or What
16th January 2019 - 9.22 pm
Source: The Onion
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U.K. Parliament Rejects Theresa May’s Brexit Deal
16th January 2019 - 9.12 pm
Source: The Onion
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Fox News Debuts Premium Channel For 24-Hour Coverage Of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
16th January 2019 - 8.38 pm
Source: The Onion
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Woman Rushes To Hide Fragile Objects, Cover Up Sharp Corners On Tables Before Boyfriend Comes Over
16th January 2019 - 7.46 pm
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4 Times In ‘Legally Blonde’ Where Reese Witherspoon Breaks Character To Explain That Women Aren’t Going To Get A Better Movie Than This For The Next 20 Years
16th January 2019 - 5.40 pm
Source: The Onion
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New Hampshire Legislature Passes Bill Naming Fentanyl State Opiate
16th January 2019 - 5.14 pm
Source: The Onion
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Photo Of Egg Breaks World Record For Most-Liked Instagram Post
16th January 2019 - 3.22 pm
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Furloughed Government Employee Using Time Off To Visit Local Food Pantry She Been Hearing About
16th January 2019 - 3.13 pm
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Pros And Cons Of Pet Insurance
16th January 2019 - 3.07 pm
Source: The Onion
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Lincoln Memorial Empty After Former President’s Statue Furloughed
16th January 2019 - 3.03 pm
Source: The Onion
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Fed-Up EU Rejects United Kingdom, Gives British 30 Days To Vacate Europe
15th January 2019 - 10.51 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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GOP Leaders Condemn Steve King For White Supremacy Comment
15th January 2019 - 9.34 pm
Source: The Onion
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Viagra Announces Real Medicine That Gave Customers Erections Was Confidence All Along
15th January 2019 - 7.27 pm
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NBA Ref Petrified After Seeing Depiction Of Own Death While Looking Under Replay Hood
15th January 2019 - 7.23 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Poll Shows Increasing Number Of Voters Blame Founding Fathers For Starting America
15th January 2019 - 6.31 pm
Source: The Onion
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William Barr Assures Senate He Will Let Donald Trump Finish His Job Without Any Interference
15th January 2019 - 5.27 pm
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Government Shutdowns By The Numbers
15th January 2019 - 4.21 pm
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Chuck Schumer Honestly Pretty Amazed He Hasn’t Caved Yet
15th January 2019 - 4.08 pm
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FBI Opened Inquiry Into Whether Trump Working For Russians
15th January 2019 - 3.01 pm
Source: The Onion
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Man Crouched Inside Of Robotic Welding Arm Terrified Robot Will Eventually Take His Job
15th January 2019 - 2.57 pm
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 15, 2019
15th January 2019 - 2.51 pm
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Mom Wants To Know If You Could Use Grandma’s Antique, 12-Person Dining Room Table In Your Studio Apartment
15th January 2019 - 2.49 pm
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Poll: Most Americans Blame Trump For Shutdown
14th January 2019 - 10.10 pm
Source: The Onion
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‘Game Of Thrones’ Fans Excited To Hear Series Will Finally Be Over
14th January 2019 - 7.06 pm
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GOP Strips Steve King Of Post On Powerful House Segregation Committee
14th January 2019 - 6.36 pm
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Christmas Really Over, Man Realizes As iPhone Game Switches Out Holiday Icon
14th January 2019 - 6.17 pm
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Furloughed Federal Employee Starts Online Search For New Government
14th January 2019 - 6.12 pm
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Advisors Instruct William Barr To Avoid Referring To Trump As ‘My Liege’ During Confirmation Hearing
14th January 2019 - 6.07 pm
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Sick Fuck: This Dog Is Way Too Happy About Smelling Cancer
14th January 2019 - 5.20 pm
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R&B Singer Guesses She’ll Just Keep Moaning Into Mic Until Song Is Over
14th January 2019 - 4.15 pm
Source: The Onion
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Nation’s Idiots Announce Plans To Jump Off Their Roofs Into A Pile Of Snow And Break Their Fucking Legs
14th January 2019 - 3.57 pm
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Tinder Announces App Will No Longer Match Users Solely With Distant Relatives
14th January 2019 - 3.53 pm
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Ethan Hawke’s Body Found Dumped In Laurel Canyon As 2019 Oscar Race Heats Up
11th January 2019 - 3.26 pm
Source: The Onion
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This Amazing New Anti-Bullying Campaign Reminds Kids That Even Though Bullying Might Be Fun, Rewarding, And Cool, It Can Sometimes Make You Tired
10th January 2019 - 3.30 pm
Source: The Onion
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TSA Guy Circling Stuff On Boarding Pass With Reckless Abandon
10th January 2019 - 3.10 pm
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CIA Issues Posthumous Apology After New Evidence Clears Osama Bin Laden Of Involvement In 9/11 Attacks
9th January 2019 - 3.19 pm
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Tumbleweed Of Pubes Rolls Through Desolate Dorm Bathroom
8th January 2019 - 4.37 pm
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 8, 2019
8th January 2019 - 4.00 pm
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It’s Not An Easy Thing To Admit When You’re Wrong, And That’s Why I Won’t Do It
7th January 2019 - 4.09 pm
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1st January 2019 - 2.00 pm
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Earth Passes Through Temporal Vortex Hurling Planet Into Year 2019
1st January 2019 - 6.00 am
Source: The Onion
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The Worst Birds Of 2018
31st December 2018 - 6.10 pm
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The 6 Telemarketer Scams That Absolutely Owned Grandma In 2018
31st December 2018 - 5.38 pm
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The Best Podcasts Of 2018
28th December 2018 - 6.00 pm
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Remembering Michael Caine: Not Dead Yet, But It’s Still Nice To Be Thought About From Time To Time
28th December 2018 - 5.00 pm
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Kotex Introduces New Confetti Popper Tampons For Ringing In The New Year
28th December 2018 - 12.28 pm
Source: The Onion
Cracked
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5 Types Of Crime Everybody Pictures Completely Wrong
17th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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10 Open World Missions To Make You Regret Your Game
17th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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YouTube Is Sick Of Dumb Pranks After The Bird Box Challenge
16th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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6 Crazy AF Products Celebrities Actually Tried To Sell You
16th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Weirdly Complex Pop Culture Frauds
16th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Let's Go Nuts Overanalyzing The 'Game Of Thrones' Teaser
15th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Famous Magazine Covers With Crazy Stories You Never Knew
15th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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8 Foreign Movie Posters That Put Ours To Shame
15th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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6 Spectacularly Insane Criminal Plots That Really Happened
14th January 2019 - 4.00 pm
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5 Heroic Acts That Came From Very Unexpected Places
14th January 2019 - 4.00 pm
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Travel Alert: The Skies Of Brazil Are Full Of Spiders
14th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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That Story About Robbie Williams And Jimmy Page Is Likely BS
14th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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6 Ways Hollywood Ruins Fight Scenes
13th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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6 Terrifying Animal Swarms Capable of Causing Total Mayhem
12th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Hanger And The Munchies: 5 Common Food Feelings Explained
11th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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11th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Want The Best Job Of The 21st Century? Learn To Herd Goats
11th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Surprising Signs That Indicate You Might Be A Psychopath
11th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Here's How Your Brain Makes You Buy Stupid Crap
11th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Check It Out, Nerds: There's a 'Ghostbusters' Dinosaur
10th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Hidden Details In Your Favorite Cartoons You Never Noticed
10th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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When Life In New York Was A Real-Life Dystopian Action Movie
10th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Margot Robbie's Playing Barbie (Yes, There's A Barbie Movie)
9th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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According To Marvel, Loki Wasn't Really A Villain ... Huh?
9th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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It's Time To Discuss That Gross 'Harry Potter' Revelation
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5th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Mind-Blowingly Stupid Ways Pro Athletes Tried To Cheat
4th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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The Bird Box Challenge Is The Dumbest Internet Dare Yet
4th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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A Fallout 76 Bug Accidentally Erased All Of The Game's Nukes
4th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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4th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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3rd January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 (More) Reasons Facebook Is Even Worse Then We Thought
2nd January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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How A Spider Triggered The Best News Story of 2019 So Far
2nd January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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2nd January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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2nd January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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2nd January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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1st January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Historical Realities Too Dumb For Movies
1st January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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29th December 2018 - 2.10 pm
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News Thump
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Mexico to spend $5billion on border stairs
17th January 2019 - 3.52 pm
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Theresa May tries to sway Jeremy Corbyn with enormous jar of homemade jam
17th January 2019 - 3.33 pm
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News Thump
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Theresa May launches range of non-stick pans
17th January 2019 - 12.30 pm
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News Thump
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Nigel Farage's guide to using private planes but not being part of the establishment elite
17th January 2019 - 12.19 pm
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'Brexit' scriptwriters admit they have no idea how to write season finale
17th January 2019 - 11.24 am
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Kim and Aggie receive anonymous request to remove stubborn stain from Number Ten
17th January 2019 - 10.55 am
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News Thump
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"It's my opinion" not the bullet-proof defence Karen thinks it is
17th January 2019 - 9.53 am
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News Thump
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John Prescott to thump an MP every hour on the hour until Brexit gets sorted
17th January 2019 - 8.45 am
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News Thump
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Zombies left hugely offended by comparisons to Theresa May's government
16th January 2019 - 8.04 pm
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News Thump
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Gillette commercial nowhere near as offensive as the price of their f*cking razor blades
16th January 2019 - 11.14 am
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News Thump
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'Support Theresa May', plead DUP knowing nobody else would be stupid enough go to make a deal with them
16th January 2019 - 10.29 am
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"The only way forward is to do exactly what I’ve said all along" - exclusive interview with every British politician
16th January 2019 - 9.54 am
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Theresa May grateful that vote of no confidence was called by only MP less popular than she is
16th January 2019 - 9.31 am
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Britain successfully lulls EU into false sense of security by giving appearance of incompetence and confusion
16th January 2019 - 8.52 am
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News Thump
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Hard Brexiter and Remainer both convinced they won tonight's parliamentary vote
15th January 2019 - 9.13 pm
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News Thump
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Nation shocked as crap deal presented by incompetent leader fails to secure outcome no-one wanted
15th January 2019 - 8.39 pm
Source: News Thump
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"Angry at our ad? Trim back that broflake rage with the new Gillette Sensor Incel"
15th January 2019 - 7.18 pm
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Donald Trump devastated after having to share his usual daily order of 300 burgers with visitors to the White House
15th January 2019 - 6.44 pm
Source: News Thump
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Man who loves free speech really can't handle it when people use it to disagree with him
15th January 2019 - 4.35 pm
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David Cameron somehow remains neither tarred nor feathered
15th January 2019 - 4.04 pm
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15th January 2019 - 12.10 pm
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15th January 2019 - 11.12 am
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15th January 2019 - 9.14 am
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Theresa May advised never to play poker
15th January 2019 - 8.34 am
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Kids left wondering why Mum is so determined to take them to see Aquaman
14th January 2019 - 3.09 pm
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Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse spotted near Westminster
14th January 2019 - 2.16 pm
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14th January 2019 - 12.41 pm
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Trump's wall to be reinforced with 'thoughts and prayers' after success in preventing school shootings
14th January 2019 - 10.30 am
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Philip May reassures Theresa: 'At least it's the last time you'll have to get up on a cold Monday morning'
14th January 2019 - 9.31 am
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14th January 2019 - 9.08 am
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12th January 2019 - 11.17 am
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11th January 2019 - 11.47 am
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Jeremy Corbyn finally joins Brexit debate to come down firmly on the side of making Jeremy Corbyn prime minister
11th January 2019 - 9.58 am
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Donald Trump denies ever saying he would be faithful to his wife directly
11th January 2019 - 9.31 am
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Furious Brexiteers accuse Parliament of trying to take back control of our laws
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Donald Trump uses Oval Office address to demand new PlayStation, candy, and ‘hot secretaries’
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Jeremy Corbyn to be told about Brexit
9th January 2019 - 12.14 pm
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Builders hugely impressed by Donald Trump's inability to build a wall on time
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Donald Trump asked if he actually knows what happened to the wall in Game of Thrones
8th January 2019 - 5.35 pm
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Twats in yellow vests screaming abuse at women 'doing wonders' for public perception of Brexit supporters
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Latest Article




Articles

The BBC has announced that there will be no punishment for popular weather presenter Carol Kirkwood’s use of the phrase ‘hot as fuck.’


Published: 17th January 2019 - 5.53 pm
Source: News Thump


The Daily Mash
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Plans great until you have to actually f**king do them
17th January 2019 - 12.00 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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F**king unite behind me you twats, says May at cross-party talks
17th January 2019 - 11.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Neighbours delighted man’s friend beeped car horn 15 times as he left last night
17th January 2019 - 10.20 am
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Man decides 10-pin bowling is ‘just a laugh’ after discovering he’s shit at it
17th January 2019 - 9.50 am
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Teenager is first in his family to go to university with two Es
17th January 2019 - 9.20 am
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Theresa May’s guide to hanging on like an idiot
17th January 2019 - 8.50 am
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Strong and stable government to continue
16th January 2019 - 7.20 pm
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Bar owner cannot believe people pay ten quid for a ‘mocktail’
16th January 2019 - 12.20 pm
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Are you a weird Labour MP who’s obviously joined the wrong party?
16th January 2019 - 11.40 am
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Four new wellness trends for 2019 that we’ve just pulled out of our arses
16th January 2019 - 11.20 am
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Remainers wishing Jean-Claude Juncker wasn’t such a git
16th January 2019 - 10.40 am
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‘Oops, did our advert piss off dickheads?’ asks razor blade company
16th January 2019 - 9.50 am
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It couldn’t happen to a nicer delusional maniac, agrees Britain
16th January 2019 - 9.10 am
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All options ruled out
16th January 2019 - 8.30 am
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Labelling half the country whining Remoaner twats ‘not the best idea’, admits May
15th January 2019 - 7.50 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
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Man keeps peeking out widow to see if riots have started yet
15th January 2019 - 7.50 pm
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‘So, we’re all agreed this is a great deal’ confirms May
15th January 2019 - 7.40 pm
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Oven chip cooking time amended to eight weeks
15th January 2019 - 12.00 pm
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Right age to lose virginity ‘no more than 18 months after you’ve claimed to’
15th January 2019 - 11.00 am
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Airport worker almost forgets to add the chemtrails
15th January 2019 - 10.40 am
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Parents confirm they have great respect for ‘parenting experts’ and don’t want them to shut the f**k up
15th January 2019 - 9.50 am
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‘Nutjob’ neighbours with Brexit stockpile now seem wise and useful
15th January 2019 - 9.20 am
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What sort of shit sandwich do you want? asks May
15th January 2019 - 8.00 am
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Esther McVey’s guide to not having the faintest idea what you’re talking about
14th January 2019 - 4.00 pm
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Private school pupils ‘under huge pressure to have opinions about venison’
14th January 2019 - 11.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
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Boris Johnson’s Guide to the Best of Both Worlds
14th January 2019 - 10.40 am
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‘Not to be shallow, but no one under six foot’ says shallow woman on dating app
14th January 2019 - 10.20 am
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We’ve waived our completely made-up bullshit fee that pays for literally nothing, say gyms
14th January 2019 - 9.00 am
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New teacher unsure if she even wants to inspire the little bastards now
14th January 2019 - 9.00 am
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Man embarks on doomed facial hair experiment
14th January 2019 - 9.00 am
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Childcare costs worth it to get away from our children, admit mums
13th January 2019 - 9.10 am
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Single man considering third item of furniture
13th January 2019 - 9.00 am
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Have you got enough crap on your hands to use a McDonalds touch screen?
13th January 2019 - 8.50 am
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Woman pretending she’s not in department store just to do a shit
12th January 2019 - 8.50 am
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Couple fall in love over shared hatred of salsa
12th January 2019 - 8.50 am
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Middle class couple go whole holiday without befriending other middle class couple
11th January 2019 - 12.00 pm
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Middlesbrough ‘could resemble Middlesbrough in event of no-deal’
11th January 2019 - 11.10 am
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Everyone dying to ask left-wing Brexiter what f**king planet he’s on
11th January 2019 - 10.40 am
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Man more successful than Britpop band he used to worship
11th January 2019 - 9.50 am
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Andy Murray to retire from being Scottish
11th January 2019 - 9.20 am
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Are you an office sociopath or an actual sociopath?
11th January 2019 - 8.50 am
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Boss sure handing out manky leftover sandwiches will really boost morale
10th January 2019 - 12.20 pm
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What sort of Remain traitor are you?
10th January 2019 - 11.30 am
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We want you to hear us having sex, say foxes
10th January 2019 - 10.20 am
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Man pretty sure he can see muscles after six sit-ups
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Twitter storm of f**k all interest to any normal person enters sixth day
10th January 2019 - 9.20 am
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The farmer’s guide to voting for Brexit then being a dick about it
10th January 2019 - 8.50 am
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Evil Guardian once again tricks football fan with article about women’s football
9th January 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Kate Bush forced to deny that ‘Hounds of Love’ is about the glory of fascist dictatorship
9th January 2019 - 11.30 am
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Mum attempting to communicate entirely in emojis
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The Onion
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Ames Executives Scrambling After New Shovel Design Leaks
17th January 2019 - 5.44 pm
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Zamboni Jams Up After Running Over Large Patch Of Loose Teeth
17th January 2019 - 5.37 pm
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Netflix Raising Prices
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Man Nervous About Telling Date He Has Her Kids
17th January 2019 - 3.43 pm
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Report: There No Way Of Knowing Whether The Vague Award Mom Won At Work A Big Deal Or What
16th January 2019 - 9.22 pm
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U.K. Parliament Rejects Theresa May’s Brexit Deal
16th January 2019 - 9.12 pm
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Fox News Debuts Premium Channel For 24-Hour Coverage Of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
16th January 2019 - 8.38 pm
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Woman Rushes To Hide Fragile Objects, Cover Up Sharp Corners On Tables Before Boyfriend Comes Over
16th January 2019 - 7.46 pm
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4 Times In ‘Legally Blonde’ Where Reese Witherspoon Breaks Character To Explain That Women Aren’t Going To Get A Better Movie Than This For The Next 20 Years
16th January 2019 - 5.40 pm
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New Hampshire Legislature Passes Bill Naming Fentanyl State Opiate
16th January 2019 - 5.14 pm
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16th January 2019 - 3.22 pm
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Lincoln Memorial Empty After Former President’s Statue Furloughed
16th January 2019 - 3.03 pm
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Fed-Up EU Rejects United Kingdom, Gives British 30 Days To Vacate Europe
15th January 2019 - 10.51 pm
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GOP Leaders Condemn Steve King For White Supremacy Comment
15th January 2019 - 9.34 pm
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Viagra Announces Real Medicine That Gave Customers Erections Was Confidence All Along
15th January 2019 - 7.27 pm
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NBA Ref Petrified After Seeing Depiction Of Own Death While Looking Under Replay Hood
15th January 2019 - 7.23 pm
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Poll Shows Increasing Number Of Voters Blame Founding Fathers For Starting America
15th January 2019 - 6.31 pm
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William Barr Assures Senate He Will Let Donald Trump Finish His Job Without Any Interference
15th January 2019 - 5.27 pm
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Government Shutdowns By The Numbers
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Chuck Schumer Honestly Pretty Amazed He Hasn’t Caved Yet
15th January 2019 - 4.08 pm
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FBI Opened Inquiry Into Whether Trump Working For Russians
15th January 2019 - 3.01 pm
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14th January 2019 - 10.10 pm
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GOP Strips Steve King Of Post On Powerful House Segregation Committee
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R&B Singer Guesses She’ll Just Keep Moaning Into Mic Until Song Is Over
14th January 2019 - 4.15 pm
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14th January 2019 - 3.57 pm
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Tinder Announces App Will No Longer Match Users Solely With Distant Relatives
14th January 2019 - 3.53 pm
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11th January 2019 - 3.26 pm
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10th January 2019 - 3.30 pm
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10th January 2019 - 3.10 pm
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9th January 2019 - 3.19 pm
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4 Crazy Marvel Scenes You Definitely Won't See In The Movies
1st January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Historical Realities Too Dumb For Movies
1st January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Safe Sex Devices You Didn't Even Know You Needed
30th December 2018 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Dumb Video Game Trends You've Never Noticed Before
29th December 2018 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
News Thump
Humour
Mexico to spend $5billion on border stairs
17th January 2019 - 3.52 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May tries to sway Jeremy Corbyn with enormous jar of homemade jam
17th January 2019 - 3.33 pm
Source: News Thump
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Theresa May launches range of non-stick pans
17th January 2019 - 12.30 pm
Source: News Thump
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Nigel Farage's guide to using private planes but not being part of the establishment elite
17th January 2019 - 12.19 pm
Source: News Thump
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'Brexit' scriptwriters admit they have no idea how to write season finale
17th January 2019 - 11.24 am
Source: News Thump
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Kim and Aggie receive anonymous request to remove stubborn stain from Number Ten
17th January 2019 - 10.55 am
Source: News Thump
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"It's my opinion" not the bullet-proof defence Karen thinks it is
17th January 2019 - 9.53 am
Source: News Thump
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John Prescott to thump an MP every hour on the hour until Brexit gets sorted
17th January 2019 - 8.45 am
Source: News Thump
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Zombies left hugely offended by comparisons to Theresa May's government
16th January 2019 - 8.04 pm
Source: News Thump
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Gillette commercial nowhere near as offensive as the price of their f*cking razor blades
16th January 2019 - 11.14 am
Source: News Thump
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'Support Theresa May', plead DUP knowing nobody else would be stupid enough go to make a deal with them
16th January 2019 - 10.29 am
Source: News Thump
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Humour
"The only way forward is to do exactly what I’ve said all along" - exclusive interview with every British politician
16th January 2019 - 9.54 am
Source: News Thump
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Theresa May grateful that vote of no confidence was called by only MP less popular than she is
16th January 2019 - 9.31 am
Source: News Thump
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Britain successfully lulls EU into false sense of security by giving appearance of incompetence and confusion
16th January 2019 - 8.52 am
Source: News Thump
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Hard Brexiter and Remainer both convinced they won tonight's parliamentary vote
15th January 2019 - 9.13 pm
Source: News Thump
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Nation shocked as crap deal presented by incompetent leader fails to secure outcome no-one wanted
15th January 2019 - 8.39 pm
Source: News Thump
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"Angry at our ad? Trim back that broflake rage with the new Gillette Sensor Incel"
15th January 2019 - 7.18 pm
Source: News Thump
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Donald Trump devastated after having to share his usual daily order of 300 burgers with visitors to the White House
15th January 2019 - 6.44 pm
Source: News Thump
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Man who loves free speech really can't handle it when people use it to disagree with him
15th January 2019 - 4.35 pm
Source: News Thump
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David Cameron somehow remains neither tarred nor feathered
15th January 2019 - 4.04 pm
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Man furious at Gillette for 'bullying is bad' advert perfectly happy to be targeted by 'this product helps you get sex' adverts
15th January 2019 - 12.10 pm
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Theresa May lays out offer of handjobs for support ahead of crucial Brexit vote
15th January 2019 - 11.12 am
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Opinion: This is the fault of absolutely everyone except the people who actually voted for it
15th January 2019 - 9.14 am
Source: News Thump
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Theresa May advised never to play poker
15th January 2019 - 8.34 am
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Kids left wondering why Mum is so determined to take them to see Aquaman
14th January 2019 - 3.09 pm
Source: News Thump
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Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse spotted near Westminster
14th January 2019 - 2.16 pm
Source: News Thump
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"Maybe we should all just be a bit nicer to each other?" suggests stupid f*cking dickhead
14th January 2019 - 12.41 pm
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Trump's wall to be reinforced with 'thoughts and prayers' after success in preventing school shootings
14th January 2019 - 10.30 am
Source: News Thump
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Philip May reassures Theresa: 'At least it's the last time you'll have to get up on a cold Monday morning'
14th January 2019 - 9.31 am
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Black men are terrible fathers, says shit-stirring hack who once hit his pregnant girlfriend
14th January 2019 - 9.08 am
Source: News Thump
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The only way to defeat far-right extremism is to do everything they want, insists Chris Grayling
12th January 2019 - 11.17 am
Source: News Thump
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Asylum applications: Home Office urged to use thumbscrews and waterboarding on the lying bastards
11th January 2019 - 11.47 am
Source: News Thump
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Jeremy Corbyn finally joins Brexit debate to come down firmly on the side of making Jeremy Corbyn prime minister
11th January 2019 - 9.58 am
Source: News Thump
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Donald Trump denies ever saying he would be faithful to his wife directly
11th January 2019 - 9.31 am
Source: News Thump
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Question Time fans outraged as David Dimbleby regenerates as a woman
11th January 2019 - 9.08 am
Source: News Thump
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Humour
'You are incredibly shit at cooking' insists smoke alarm
10th January 2019 - 3.48 pm
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Amazon boss Jeff Bezos celebrates divorce deal after being awarded 50% of wife's hair
10th January 2019 - 12.44 pm
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Sajid Javid to launch armed tank patrols along M6 after 26 migrants found in lorry
10th January 2019 - 12.24 pm
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Furious Brexiteers accuse Parliament of trying to take back control of our laws
10th January 2019 - 11.05 am
Source: News Thump
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Donald Trump uses Oval Office address to demand new PlayStation, candy, and ‘hot secretaries’
10th January 2019 - 9.46 am
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Supergonorrhoea to join ailing DC Extended Universe
10th January 2019 - 9.36 am
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Outrage as CBeebies' Mr Tumble teaches children to sign 'Nazi'
9th January 2019 - 4.05 pm
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Jeremy Corbyn to be told about Brexit
9th January 2019 - 12.14 pm
Source: News Thump
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Humour
'Next to' the laundry basket basically the same as 'in' the laundry basket, insists man
9th January 2019 - 11.58 am
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Builders hugely impressed by Donald Trump's inability to build a wall on time
9th January 2019 - 8.46 am
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Disrupting flights is the worst thing drones have ever done, agree homeless Syrians
8th January 2019 - 9.14 pm
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Donald Trump asked if he actually knows what happened to the wall in Game of Thrones
8th January 2019 - 5.35 pm
Source: News Thump
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Humour
American "sick of hearing foreigners speaking foreign" still doesn't speak Navajo or Cherokee
8th January 2019 - 3.35 pm
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Twats in yellow vests screaming abuse at women 'doing wonders' for public perception of Brexit supporters
8th January 2019 - 12.23 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Dry January under threat as tax return deadline turns people to drink
8th January 2019 - 11.14 am
Source: News Thump


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