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Published: 15th March 2019 - 2.44 am
Source: The Onion




The Daily Mash
Humour
Brexit marchers demand emergency airdrop from EU
18th March 2019 - 11.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Racists upset by nasty tolerant people
18th March 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Man guarantees sex will never happen again by calling it ‘totes amazeballs’
18th March 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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‘Cocaine’s great’ says man with no concept of future beyond next three minutes
18th March 2019 - 9.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Facebook nutter includes workplace in his profile
18th March 2019 - 8.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Parents watch three-hour dance show for 98 seconds of their child
18th March 2019 - 8.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Cartoon baker sure pie cooling on windowsill will be fine
17th March 2019 - 8.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Non-driver slams passenger door so hard it destroys car
17th March 2019 - 8.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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How to exercise when you f***ing hate exercise
16th March 2019 - 8.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Magazine in doctor’s waiting room speaks of simpler time
16th March 2019 - 8.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Token vegan item on pub menu made with actual cardboard
15th March 2019 - 12.20 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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How’s that Brexit street party going?
15th March 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Old computers sad you don’t love them anymore
15th March 2019 - 10.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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How to humiliate yourself trying to pull someone out of your league
15th March 2019 - 10.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Dog horrified to see his turd on Facebook
15th March 2019 - 10.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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How about we make March 29th the day you piss off? Britain tells May
15th March 2019 - 10.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Are you clinging to your job by a thread?
14th March 2019 - 11.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Cyclist shaves three seconds off telling-people-he’s-a-cyclist time
14th March 2019 - 10.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Tattoo artist has moment of self-doubt about making people look shit
14th March 2019 - 10.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Middle class couple upset sending kids to private school has made them ‘poor’
14th March 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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We call her ‘dickhead’ to her face and she does nothing, cabinet confirms
14th March 2019 - 9.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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How to get someone buying a house to shut the f**k up
14th March 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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So what exactly is a ‘tariff’? ask Brexit voters
13th March 2019 - 5.50 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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How to make friends without getting pissed together
13th March 2019 - 12.30 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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I’m not even dipping a toe in that f**king mess, says Queen
13th March 2019 - 11.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Losing scratchcard stared at for extra 20 seconds just in case
13th March 2019 - 11.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Man in flat cap trying to be Peaky Blinders but ending up Last of the Summer Wine
13th March 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Another six times and it’ll pass unaminously, calculates May
13th March 2019 - 9.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Hairdresser’s opinions increasingly dodgy
13th March 2019 - 8.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Mums ever so grateful to Daily Mail for parenting tips
12th March 2019 - 12.10 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Woman incapable of drinking entire mug of tea
12th March 2019 - 11.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Bring back National Service, say people who’ve given it f**k all thought
12th March 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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I’m your prime minister now
12th March 2019 - 10.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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28-year-old woman has hobbies that would make a Suffragette vomit
12th March 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Which of this week’s three historic Brexit votes are you? 
12th March 2019 - 9.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Man on Amsterdam citybreak brings back more from Europe than Theresa May
12th March 2019 - 8.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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The life and times of a Brexiter who shouts at TV cameras outside Parliament
11th March 2019 - 4.00 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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EU covers its eyes while UK shits its pants
11th March 2019 - 12.20 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Adults told to stop putting two words together to make a swear word
11th March 2019 - 12.20 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Man who held lift door acting like he’s Nelson Mandela
11th March 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Would a great, big handful of magic mushrooms sort out your Monday blues?
11th March 2019 - 9.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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‘Woke’ man trying desperately to explain Motley Crüe CDs in car
11th March 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Are you actually a robot?
11th March 2019 - 9.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Most effective cleaning hack is not bothering your arse
10th March 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Smart motorways are great because we can drive three abreast, say lorry drivers
10th March 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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How the f**k is this a ‘cake’? ask dieters
9th March 2019 - 7.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Tory party ‘could be down to 16 people without the racists’
8th March 2019 - 11.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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How to get away with being an absolute bellend by saying you ‘misspoke’
8th March 2019 - 10.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Use our shitty website which doesn’t work to save us money, says train company
8th March 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Government to nationalise fashion chain Kate likes
8th March 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Onion
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Officials: Clear Similarities Between Boeing 737 Max 8 Crashes
18th March 2019 - 9.27 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Man Wasting His Life Playing Video Games When There Whole World Of Other Screens Out There
18th March 2019 - 9.21 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Apple Announces Tim Cook Mini
18th March 2019 - 7.31 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Trump Vows To Bring Back Ohio Town’s White Castle
18th March 2019 - 6.26 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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NCAA Launches Investigation Into Why It Wasn’t Making Millions Off Recent College Admissions Scandal
18th March 2019 - 6.13 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Trump: Any Shooting Actually Inspired By Me Would Have Left Thousands Dead
18th March 2019 - 5.59 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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KC Masterpiece CEO Warns Against Society’s Increasing Reliance On A1
18th March 2019 - 5.08 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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God Really Dreading Visit From Older Brother Who Made Much More Successful Cosmos
18th March 2019 - 4.59 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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President’s Cathartic Words Help Nation Begin To Heal Following Yet Another Senseless ‘Saturday Night Live’
18th March 2019 - 4.51 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Area Man Much Happier, More Relaxed Since Joining Cult
18th March 2019 - 3.59 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Wireless Headphones May Pose Cancer Risk, Experts Say
18th March 2019 - 3.22 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Thousands Of Students Forced To Attend Iowa State After University Sets Acceptance Rate To 140%
18th March 2019 - 3.18 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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The Week In Pictures – Week Of March 18, 2019
18th March 2019 - 2.44 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Chicago St. Patrick’s Day Parade Finally Lifts Ban On Snakes
17th March 2019 - 1.00 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Could Bryce Harper Convince Mike Trout To Follow Him To A Giant Pile Of Money?
16th March 2019 - 3.15 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Jazz Reminds Fans Racist, Homophobic Language Has No Place in Good Seats
15th March 2019 - 8.59 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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How FEMA Responds To Disasters
15th March 2019 - 8.43 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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5 Things To Know About Beto O'Rourke
15th March 2019 - 8.35 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Report: More Women Forgoing Taking Their Husbands’ Names In Favor Of Something Badass Like Diesel
15th March 2019 - 8.19 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Youth Climate Strike Takes Place In Hundreds Of Countries
15th March 2019 - 7.55 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Should The NFL Combine Get Rid Of The 40-Mile Dash?
15th March 2019 - 7.26 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Woman’s Solo Hiking Trip Shockingly Doesn’t Have To Do With Inner Journey Or Anything
15th March 2019 - 6.51 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Overwhelmed New Grandparents Finally Feeling What It Like To Love A Child
15th March 2019 - 4.30 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Japan To Put Toyota On Moon By 2029
15th March 2019 - 4.15 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Dad Wearing Some New Kind Of Headphones That Wrap Over, Under, Around Ears
15th March 2019 - 3.43 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Le’Veon Bell Stipulates Jets Contract Must Contain Immediate-Trade Clause
15th March 2019 - 2.44 am
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Antonio Brown Buys Pittsburgh Billboard To Thank Antonio Brown For Putting Up With City
14th March 2019 - 10.45 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Beto O’Rourke Announces He Starting Obama Cover Campaign
14th March 2019 - 10.14 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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California Halts Death Penalty
14th March 2019 - 9.27 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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2020 Presidential Candidate Pete Buttigieg Announces Bold Plan For 2,500-Mile Intercontinental Riverwalk
14th March 2019 - 8.01 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Rahm Emanuel Breaks Ground On New Jason Van Dyke Police Academy
14th March 2019 - 7.31 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Dog Feels Like He Always Has To Be ‘On’ Around Family
14th March 2019 - 7.27 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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World Wide Web 30 Years Old
14th March 2019 - 7.21 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Piece Of Shit Whom Everybody Hates Assures Himself It All In His Head
14th March 2019 - 6.55 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Responsible Gym Member Makes Sure To Wipe Down Personal Trainer After Workout
14th March 2019 - 4.10 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Anti-Vaxxer Movement By The Numbers
14th March 2019 - 3.33 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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‘C’mon, C’mon,’ Says Matt Damon Desperately Searching For Own Name On List Of IMDB User Dolphinsoul60’s Top 100 Actors
14th March 2019 - 3.28 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Experts Recommend Changing Batteries In Smoke Detector Every 6 Fires
14th March 2019 - 12.36 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Tennis Instructor Mentoring Young Player Sees Potential In Parents’ Income
14th March 2019 - 12.28 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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50 Charged In College Admissions Bribing Scandal
13th March 2019 - 7.23 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Religious Conservatives Argue Adam And Eve Would Never Have Been Banished From Eden If They’d Had Guns
13th March 2019 - 5.35 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Report: Just Go Ahead And Tell Yourself Bribery Is The Only Reason You Didn’t Get Into Columbia
13th March 2019 - 3.31 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Unsettling Study Finds Second Cousins Technically Fair Game
13th March 2019 - 3.29 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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‘Cops’ Turns 30
13th March 2019 - 3.20 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Husband Buys Wife Tickets To See Singer She Wants To Fuck
13th March 2019 - 3.17 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Experts Warn There No End In Sight For Venezuela Blackouts
13th March 2019 - 2.55 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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5 Things To Know About Andrew Yang
13th March 2019 - 2.51 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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USC Insists Lori Loughlin’s Daughter Was Admitted Solely Based On Socioeconomic Background
12th March 2019 - 10.25 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Nation’s Flag Nerds Anxiously Watching D.C. Statehood Push
12th March 2019 - 7.23 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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China Grounds All 737 Max 8 Planes Following Crash
12th March 2019 - 7.15 pm
Source: The Onion
Cracked
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5 Old-Timey Theories About Health That Were Dumb AF
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 Lame Attempts to Make Action Heroes Look Badass
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 Impressive Scams People Used To Get Out Of Work
17th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 Hilarious Ways Ads Tried To Make Boring Products Cool
16th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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The Real Colonel Sanders Was A Relentless, Amazing Maniac
16th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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6 Stories That Prove Instagram Influencers Are The Worst
15th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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Study: Hip-Hop Makes Your Cheese Taste Better (Seriously)
15th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 Annoying Things They Don't Tell You About Being A Parent
15th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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How Normal People Do Things And How YOU Do Things
15th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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The Big Clues In The New Avengers Trailer (Are The Haircuts)
14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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Bryan Singer Dropped From 'Red Sonja' For The Worst Reason
14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 Behind-The-Scenes Shots That Take The Glamour Out Of Ads
14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 New (And Strangely Plausible) Conspiracy Theories
14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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Netflix Is Making More Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Movies
13th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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7 Viral Stories That Had Twists Nobody Remembers
13th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 Reasons The DC Film Universe Is Poised To Make A Comeback
13th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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Here Are The Super Weird 'Captain Marvel' Ads You Missed
12th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 Scary Stories That Sound Made Up (That Really Happened)
12th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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Ted Bundy's Execution Party Was Completely Nuts
12th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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Scientists Will Zap Prisoners' Brains To Make Them Behave
11th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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The Disney Vault Is Dead, Long Live Disney+
11th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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Math Anxiety Is A Real Thing That’s Freaking You Out
11th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 Foreign Reality Shows That Put American Ones To Shame
11th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 People Who Learned A Horrible Truth About Themselves On TV
10th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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6 Natural Wonders That Are Creepier Than Any Horror Movie
9th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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The Bizarre, Terrifying Effects Of Sleep Deprivation
9th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 Modern Countries That Are Acting Like Insane Supervillains
8th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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14 Dumb Health Products Pretending To Be Ancient Secrets
8th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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These 42 Characters Are Identical No Matter What They're In
8th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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Goddamn It, Alex Trebek Has Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer
7th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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A 'Game Of Thrones' Trailer Is Inspiring More Wacky Theories
7th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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6 Reasons Famously Bad Movies Totally Sucked
7th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 Crucial Things To Remember About Our Wretched Hellscape
7th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 Films That Accidentally Made The Villain The Nicest Person
6th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 Better Versions Of Superheroes We'll Hopefully Get Soon
6th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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Disney's 'Star Wars' Menu Looks Kind Of Gross
5th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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'Fortnite' Erotica Says A Ton About The Future Of Gaming
5th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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Steven Spielberg Wants To Destroy Netflix Movies
4th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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4 Viral Science News Stories The Media Totally Screwed Up
4th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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Killing The Amazon Dash Button Will Only Make It Stronger
4th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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6 Miracle Cures That Are Way Worse Than The Disease Itself
4th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 Ways We Train Teenage Girls To Love Psychopaths
3rd March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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The 5 Weirdest Schemes Real Countries Use To Pay The Bills
2nd March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 Unhelpful Ways We Respond To A Friend In Crisis
2nd March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 Weird Facts About Congress Nobody Told You In School
1st March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 Ways Baby Boomers Keep Getting Worse
1st March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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There's Something Much Scarier On YouTube Kids Than Momo
1st March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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21 Honest Decorations Your Home Needs Right Now
1st March 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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Rotten Tomatoes Finally Killed Pre-Release User Reviews
28th February 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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Netflix Alters Ending To 'The Notebook' Defying Death Itself
28th February 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
News Thump
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Theresa May's latest Brexit deal 'substantively different' after being converted to Comic Sans
18th March 2019 - 5.14 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Eurostar advise passengers not to travel to London after reports confirm it is full of miserable sods
18th March 2019 - 12.26 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Jet engine developers condemned for potentially bringing Australians 'within four hours of the UK'
18th March 2019 - 11.59 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Facebook promises their latest update means you’ll see even less of the stuff you actually follow
18th March 2019 - 10.56 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Ron and Hermione had a threesome with Dobby the House Elf, confirms JK Rowling without anyone asking
18th March 2019 - 9.37 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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US sends specialist Thoughts And Prayers team to New Zealand after novice PM foolishly contemplates real action
18th March 2019 - 8.58 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Leprechauns enjoy final St Patrick's Day not spent conducting customs checks at the Irish Border
17th March 2019 - 6.15 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Irish demonstrate once again how to do patriotism without turning it into something shit
17th March 2019 - 1.38 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Nigel Farage's Brexit march proves nation cares more about Brackley Town vs Curzon Ashton than Brexit
16th March 2019 - 2.19 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Climate change protesters prepare to bicycle home
15th March 2019 - 6.52 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Moment of Brexit tenderness as adorable British MPs think Article 50 extension is up to them
15th March 2019 - 3.57 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May proposes compromise of remaining in EU on weekdays and staying out at weekends
15th March 2019 - 2.49 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Melania Trump body double identified as Steve Tyler
15th March 2019 - 12.37 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Social Justice Batman lights the Virtue Signal
15th March 2019 - 11.03 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Far-right commentators keen to distance themselves from Christchurch shooter who shares every single one of their beliefs
15th March 2019 - 10.00 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Labour leader upholds long-held, principled position of not supporting Labour Party policy
15th March 2019 - 9.13 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Satirists ask for extension to Article 50
15th March 2019 - 9.08 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
We are having a third vote on my deal in case anyone has changed their mind, insists irony-free Theresa May
14th March 2019 - 8.17 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Knives only to be used with police supervision under new government guidelines
14th March 2019 - 3.03 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Outrage as Cadbury's abandons Easter egg for "Celebratory Chocolate Orb"
14th March 2019 - 12.19 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Eurocrat Nigel Farage suspected of asking foreign leaders to overrule the sovereignty of Westminster
14th March 2019 - 9.46 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Facebook outage forces entire nation to descend into state of mass productivity
14th March 2019 - 8.36 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Opinion: I have no fucking clue what's going on any more
13th March 2019 - 8.21 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Woman impressed to point of arousal by husband's knowledge of local traffic light sequences
13th March 2019 - 12.57 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Bathroom tap designers told to calm the f*ck down
13th March 2019 - 12.14 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Man With head on block demands they stop squabbling and get on with cutting it off
13th March 2019 - 11.13 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Markets rally as Parliament restores Brexit to its normal status of pointless clusterfuck
13th March 2019 - 10.15 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May insists Brexit deal isn't dead, it's just resting
13th March 2019 - 9.04 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Brexiter fantasist enjoying final 24 hours of pretending no-deal Brexit is happening
13th March 2019 - 8.47 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Nation left shocked as crap deal presented by incompetent leader fails to secure outcome no-one wanted
12th March 2019 - 7.24 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Telling kids with knives that they're stupid cowards will make them feel less stabby, decides public
12th March 2019 - 12.51 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Victory for Theresa May as drunken Jean-Claude Juncker gives Belgium to the UK
12th March 2019 - 12.00 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Nation of 65m people to "Take Back Control" by having fate decided by religious fundamentalists only voted for by 290k of them
12th March 2019 - 11.13 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Triumph for Theresa May as she convinces EU to use a different font on Brexit deal
12th March 2019 - 10.09 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Man dies after ignoring pleas from 'so-called experts' to vacate his burning house
12th March 2019 - 9.22 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May secures agreement to change Backstop to a Stopback
12th March 2019 - 9.02 am
Source: News Thump
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11th March 2019 - 4.07 pm
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Could you negotiate a better Brexit deal than the government? Take our test to find out!
11th March 2019 - 12.16 pm
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The EU is run by shape-shifting lizards, insists Esther McVey
11th March 2019 - 11.25 am
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11th March 2019 - 10.51 am
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11th March 2019 - 9.33 am
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Aston Villa's Jack Grealish relieved that Birmingham City fans punch like little girls
10th March 2019 - 2.32 pm
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Opinion: who should I trust about Captain Marvel - the reviews, or an angry man on the Internet who hasn’t seen it?
9th March 2019 - 10.53 am
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9th March 2019 - 10.38 am
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9th March 2019 - 10.27 am
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Woman willing to give benefit of doubt to every #MeToo victim unless the accused can do the moonwalk
9th March 2019 - 9.27 am
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Nobody outside Birmingham really buying that whole 'Birmingham is Britain's second city' thing
8th March 2019 - 12.31 pm
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Education Secretary tells protesting headteachers it's their own time they’re wasting
8th March 2019 - 12.13 pm
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Debenhams to start selling massive mugs
8th March 2019 - 10.59 am
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Criticism for Talking Heads as supposed Road to Nowhere actually goes to Chelmsford
8th March 2019 - 10.07 am
Source: News Thump

            

Latest Article

  


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Published:
Source: The Onion




The Daily Mash
Humour
Brexit marchers demand emergency airdrop from EU
18th March 2019 - 11.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Racists upset by nasty tolerant people
18th March 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Man guarantees sex will never happen again by calling it ‘totes amazeballs’
18th March 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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‘Cocaine’s great’ says man with no concept of future beyond next three minutes
18th March 2019 - 9.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Facebook nutter includes workplace in his profile
18th March 2019 - 8.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Parents watch three-hour dance show for 98 seconds of their child
18th March 2019 - 8.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Cartoon baker sure pie cooling on windowsill will be fine
17th March 2019 - 8.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Non-driver slams passenger door so hard it destroys car
17th March 2019 - 8.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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How to exercise when you f***ing hate exercise
16th March 2019 - 8.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Magazine in doctor’s waiting room speaks of simpler time
16th March 2019 - 8.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Token vegan item on pub menu made with actual cardboard
15th March 2019 - 12.20 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
How’s that Brexit street party going?
15th March 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Old computers sad you don’t love them anymore
15th March 2019 - 10.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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How to humiliate yourself trying to pull someone out of your league
15th March 2019 - 10.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Dog horrified to see his turd on Facebook
15th March 2019 - 10.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
How about we make March 29th the day you piss off? Britain tells May
15th March 2019 - 10.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Are you clinging to your job by a thread?
14th March 2019 - 11.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Cyclist shaves three seconds off telling-people-he’s-a-cyclist time
14th March 2019 - 10.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Tattoo artist has moment of self-doubt about making people look shit
14th March 2019 - 10.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Middle class couple upset sending kids to private school has made them ‘poor’
14th March 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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We call her ‘dickhead’ to her face and she does nothing, cabinet confirms
14th March 2019 - 9.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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How to get someone buying a house to shut the f**k up
14th March 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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So what exactly is a ‘tariff’? ask Brexit voters
13th March 2019 - 5.50 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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How to make friends without getting pissed together
13th March 2019 - 12.30 pm
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The Daily Mash
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I’m not even dipping a toe in that f**king mess, says Queen
13th March 2019 - 11.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Losing scratchcard stared at for extra 20 seconds just in case
13th March 2019 - 11.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Man in flat cap trying to be Peaky Blinders but ending up Last of the Summer Wine
13th March 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Another six times and it’ll pass unaminously, calculates May
13th March 2019 - 9.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Hairdresser’s opinions increasingly dodgy
13th March 2019 - 8.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Mums ever so grateful to Daily Mail for parenting tips
12th March 2019 - 12.10 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Woman incapable of drinking entire mug of tea
12th March 2019 - 11.30 am
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The Daily Mash
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Bring back National Service, say people who’ve given it f**k all thought
12th March 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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I’m your prime minister now
12th March 2019 - 10.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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28-year-old woman has hobbies that would make a Suffragette vomit
12th March 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Which of this week’s three historic Brexit votes are you? 
12th March 2019 - 9.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Man on Amsterdam citybreak brings back more from Europe than Theresa May
12th March 2019 - 8.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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The life and times of a Brexiter who shouts at TV cameras outside Parliament
11th March 2019 - 4.00 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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EU covers its eyes while UK shits its pants
11th March 2019 - 12.20 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Adults told to stop putting two words together to make a swear word
11th March 2019 - 12.20 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Man who held lift door acting like he’s Nelson Mandela
11th March 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Would a great, big handful of magic mushrooms sort out your Monday blues?
11th March 2019 - 9.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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‘Woke’ man trying desperately to explain Motley Crüe CDs in car
11th March 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Are you actually a robot?
11th March 2019 - 9.00 am
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The Daily Mash
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Most effective cleaning hack is not bothering your arse
10th March 2019 - 8.50 am
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The Daily Mash
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Smart motorways are great because we can drive three abreast, say lorry drivers
10th March 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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How the f**k is this a ‘cake’? ask dieters
9th March 2019 - 7.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Tory party ‘could be down to 16 people without the racists’
8th March 2019 - 11.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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How to get away with being an absolute bellend by saying you ‘misspoke’
8th March 2019 - 10.50 am
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The Daily Mash
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Use our shitty website which doesn’t work to save us money, says train company
8th March 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Government to nationalise fashion chain Kate likes
8th March 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Onion
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Officials: Clear Similarities Between Boeing 737 Max 8 Crashes
18th March 2019 - 9.27 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Man Wasting His Life Playing Video Games When There Whole World Of Other Screens Out There
18th March 2019 - 9.21 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Apple Announces Tim Cook Mini
18th March 2019 - 7.31 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Trump Vows To Bring Back Ohio Town’s White Castle
18th March 2019 - 6.26 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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NCAA Launches Investigation Into Why It Wasn’t Making Millions Off Recent College Admissions Scandal
18th March 2019 - 6.13 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Trump: Any Shooting Actually Inspired By Me Would Have Left Thousands Dead
18th March 2019 - 5.59 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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KC Masterpiece CEO Warns Against Society’s Increasing Reliance On A1
18th March 2019 - 5.08 pm
Source: The Onion
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God Really Dreading Visit From Older Brother Who Made Much More Successful Cosmos
18th March 2019 - 4.59 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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President’s Cathartic Words Help Nation Begin To Heal Following Yet Another Senseless ‘Saturday Night Live’
18th March 2019 - 4.51 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Area Man Much Happier, More Relaxed Since Joining Cult
18th March 2019 - 3.59 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Wireless Headphones May Pose Cancer Risk, Experts Say
18th March 2019 - 3.22 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Thousands Of Students Forced To Attend Iowa State After University Sets Acceptance Rate To 140%
18th March 2019 - 3.18 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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The Week In Pictures – Week Of March 18, 2019
18th March 2019 - 2.44 pm
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The Onion
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Chicago St. Patrick’s Day Parade Finally Lifts Ban On Snakes
17th March 2019 - 1.00 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Could Bryce Harper Convince Mike Trout To Follow Him To A Giant Pile Of Money?
16th March 2019 - 3.15 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Jazz Reminds Fans Racist, Homophobic Language Has No Place in Good Seats
15th March 2019 - 8.59 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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How FEMA Responds To Disasters
15th March 2019 - 8.43 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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5 Things To Know About Beto O'Rourke
15th March 2019 - 8.35 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Report: More Women Forgoing Taking Their Husbands’ Names In Favor Of Something Badass Like Diesel
15th March 2019 - 8.19 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Youth Climate Strike Takes Place In Hundreds Of Countries
15th March 2019 - 7.55 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Should The NFL Combine Get Rid Of The 40-Mile Dash?
15th March 2019 - 7.26 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Woman’s Solo Hiking Trip Shockingly Doesn’t Have To Do With Inner Journey Or Anything
15th March 2019 - 6.51 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Overwhelmed New Grandparents Finally Feeling What It Like To Love A Child
15th March 2019 - 4.30 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Japan To Put Toyota On Moon By 2029
15th March 2019 - 4.15 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Dad Wearing Some New Kind Of Headphones That Wrap Over, Under, Around Ears
15th March 2019 - 3.43 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Le’Veon Bell Stipulates Jets Contract Must Contain Immediate-Trade Clause
15th March 2019 - 2.44 am
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Antonio Brown Buys Pittsburgh Billboard To Thank Antonio Brown For Putting Up With City
14th March 2019 - 10.45 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Beto O’Rourke Announces He Starting Obama Cover Campaign
14th March 2019 - 10.14 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
California Halts Death Penalty
14th March 2019 - 9.27 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
2020 Presidential Candidate Pete Buttigieg Announces Bold Plan For 2,500-Mile Intercontinental Riverwalk
14th March 2019 - 8.01 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Rahm Emanuel Breaks Ground On New Jason Van Dyke Police Academy
14th March 2019 - 7.31 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Dog Feels Like He Always Has To Be ‘On’ Around Family
14th March 2019 - 7.27 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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World Wide Web 30 Years Old
14th March 2019 - 7.21 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Piece Of Shit Whom Everybody Hates Assures Himself It All In His Head
14th March 2019 - 6.55 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Responsible Gym Member Makes Sure To Wipe Down Personal Trainer After Workout
14th March 2019 - 4.10 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Anti-Vaxxer Movement By The Numbers
14th March 2019 - 3.33 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
‘C’mon, C’mon,’ Says Matt Damon Desperately Searching For Own Name On List Of IMDB User Dolphinsoul60’s Top 100 Actors
14th March 2019 - 3.28 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Experts Recommend Changing Batteries In Smoke Detector Every 6 Fires
14th March 2019 - 12.36 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Tennis Instructor Mentoring Young Player Sees Potential In Parents’ Income
14th March 2019 - 12.28 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
50 Charged In College Admissions Bribing Scandal
13th March 2019 - 7.23 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Religious Conservatives Argue Adam And Eve Would Never Have Been Banished From Eden If They’d Had Guns
13th March 2019 - 5.35 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Report: Just Go Ahead And Tell Yourself Bribery Is The Only Reason You Didn’t Get Into Columbia
13th March 2019 - 3.31 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Unsettling Study Finds Second Cousins Technically Fair Game
13th March 2019 - 3.29 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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‘Cops’ Turns 30
13th March 2019 - 3.20 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Husband Buys Wife Tickets To See Singer She Wants To Fuck
13th March 2019 - 3.17 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Experts Warn There No End In Sight For Venezuela Blackouts
13th March 2019 - 2.55 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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5 Things To Know About Andrew Yang
13th March 2019 - 2.51 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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USC Insists Lori Loughlin’s Daughter Was Admitted Solely Based On Socioeconomic Background
12th March 2019 - 10.25 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Nation’s Flag Nerds Anxiously Watching D.C. Statehood Push
12th March 2019 - 7.23 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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China Grounds All 737 Max 8 Planes Following Crash
12th March 2019 - 7.15 pm
Source: The Onion
Cracked
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5 Old-Timey Theories About Health That Were Dumb AF
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 Lame Attempts to Make Action Heroes Look Badass
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Impressive Scams People Used To Get Out Of Work
17th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
Source: Cracked
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5 Hilarious Ways Ads Tried To Make Boring Products Cool
16th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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The Real Colonel Sanders Was A Relentless, Amazing Maniac
16th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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6 Stories That Prove Instagram Influencers Are The Worst
15th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Study: Hip-Hop Makes Your Cheese Taste Better (Seriously)
15th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Annoying Things They Don't Tell You About Being A Parent
15th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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How Normal People Do Things And How YOU Do Things
15th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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The Big Clues In The New Avengers Trailer (Are The Haircuts)
14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Bryan Singer Dropped From 'Red Sonja' For The Worst Reason
14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Behind-The-Scenes Shots That Take The Glamour Out Of Ads
14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 New (And Strangely Plausible) Conspiracy Theories
14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Netflix Is Making More Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Movies
13th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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7 Viral Stories That Had Twists Nobody Remembers
13th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Reasons The DC Film Universe Is Poised To Make A Comeback
13th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Here Are The Super Weird 'Captain Marvel' Ads You Missed
12th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Scary Stories That Sound Made Up (That Really Happened)
12th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Ted Bundy's Execution Party Was Completely Nuts
12th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Scientists Will Zap Prisoners' Brains To Make Them Behave
11th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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The Disney Vault Is Dead, Long Live Disney+
11th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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11th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Foreign Reality Shows That Put American Ones To Shame
11th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 People Who Learned A Horrible Truth About Themselves On TV
10th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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9th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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The Bizarre, Terrifying Effects Of Sleep Deprivation
9th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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8th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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8th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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7th March 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Theresa May's latest Brexit deal 'substantively different' after being converted to Comic Sans
18th March 2019 - 5.14 pm
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Eurostar advise passengers not to travel to London after reports confirm it is full of miserable sods
18th March 2019 - 12.26 pm
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Jet engine developers condemned for potentially bringing Australians 'within four hours of the UK'
18th March 2019 - 11.59 am
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Facebook promises their latest update means you’ll see even less of the stuff you actually follow
18th March 2019 - 10.56 am
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Ron and Hermione had a threesome with Dobby the House Elf, confirms JK Rowling without anyone asking
18th March 2019 - 9.37 am
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US sends specialist Thoughts And Prayers team to New Zealand after novice PM foolishly contemplates real action
18th March 2019 - 8.58 am
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Leprechauns enjoy final St Patrick's Day not spent conducting customs checks at the Irish Border
17th March 2019 - 6.15 pm
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Irish demonstrate once again how to do patriotism without turning it into something shit
17th March 2019 - 1.38 pm
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Nigel Farage's Brexit march proves nation cares more about Brackley Town vs Curzon Ashton than Brexit
16th March 2019 - 2.19 pm
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Climate change protesters prepare to bicycle home
15th March 2019 - 6.52 pm
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Moment of Brexit tenderness as adorable British MPs think Article 50 extension is up to them
15th March 2019 - 3.57 pm
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Theresa May proposes compromise of remaining in EU on weekdays and staying out at weekends
15th March 2019 - 2.49 pm
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Melania Trump body double identified as Steve Tyler
15th March 2019 - 12.37 pm
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Social Justice Batman lights the Virtue Signal
15th March 2019 - 11.03 am
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Far-right commentators keen to distance themselves from Christchurch shooter who shares every single one of their beliefs
15th March 2019 - 10.00 am
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Labour leader upholds long-held, principled position of not supporting Labour Party policy
15th March 2019 - 9.13 am
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Satirists ask for extension to Article 50
15th March 2019 - 9.08 am
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We are having a third vote on my deal in case anyone has changed their mind, insists irony-free Theresa May
14th March 2019 - 8.17 pm
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Knives only to be used with police supervision under new government guidelines
14th March 2019 - 3.03 pm
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Outrage as Cadbury's abandons Easter egg for "Celebratory Chocolate Orb"
14th March 2019 - 12.19 pm
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Eurocrat Nigel Farage suspected of asking foreign leaders to overrule the sovereignty of Westminster
14th March 2019 - 9.46 am
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Facebook outage forces entire nation to descend into state of mass productivity
14th March 2019 - 8.36 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Opinion: I have no fucking clue what's going on any more
13th March 2019 - 8.21 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Woman impressed to point of arousal by husband's knowledge of local traffic light sequences
13th March 2019 - 12.57 pm
Source: News Thump
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Bathroom tap designers told to calm the f*ck down
13th March 2019 - 12.14 pm
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Man With head on block demands they stop squabbling and get on with cutting it off
13th March 2019 - 11.13 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Markets rally as Parliament restores Brexit to its normal status of pointless clusterfuck
13th March 2019 - 10.15 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May insists Brexit deal isn't dead, it's just resting
13th March 2019 - 9.04 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Brexiter fantasist enjoying final 24 hours of pretending no-deal Brexit is happening
13th March 2019 - 8.47 am
Source: News Thump
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Nation left shocked as crap deal presented by incompetent leader fails to secure outcome no-one wanted
12th March 2019 - 7.24 pm
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Telling kids with knives that they're stupid cowards will make them feel less stabby, decides public
12th March 2019 - 12.51 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Victory for Theresa May as drunken Jean-Claude Juncker gives Belgium to the UK
12th March 2019 - 12.00 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Nation of 65m people to "Take Back Control" by having fate decided by religious fundamentalists only voted for by 290k of them
12th March 2019 - 11.13 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Triumph for Theresa May as she convinces EU to use a different font on Brexit deal
12th March 2019 - 10.09 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Man dies after ignoring pleas from 'so-called experts' to vacate his burning house
12th March 2019 - 9.22 am
Source: News Thump
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Theresa May secures agreement to change Backstop to a Stopback
12th March 2019 - 9.02 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Theresa May stuns nation by not cancelling meaningful vote at last minute
11th March 2019 - 4.07 pm
Source: News Thump
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Could you negotiate a better Brexit deal than the government? Take our test to find out!
11th March 2019 - 12.16 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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The EU is run by shape-shifting lizards, insists Esther McVey
11th March 2019 - 11.25 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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God issues recall on 'humanity'
11th March 2019 - 10.51 am
Source: News Thump
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Sajid Javid now very popular with people who think killing babies is great
11th March 2019 - 9.33 am
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Aston Villa's Jack Grealish relieved that Birmingham City fans punch like little girls
10th March 2019 - 2.32 pm
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Opinion: who should I trust about Captain Marvel - the reviews, or an angry man on the Internet who hasn’t seen it?
9th March 2019 - 10.53 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Men pleased that whole treating-women-with-respect thing is over for another year
9th March 2019 - 10.38 am
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Will Self and Mark Francois share passionate kiss on Politics Live
9th March 2019 - 10.27 am
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Woman willing to give benefit of doubt to every #MeToo victim unless the accused can do the moonwalk
9th March 2019 - 9.27 am
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Nobody outside Birmingham really buying that whole 'Birmingham is Britain's second city' thing
8th March 2019 - 12.31 pm
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Education Secretary tells protesting headteachers it's their own time they’re wasting
8th March 2019 - 12.13 pm
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Debenhams to start selling massive mugs
8th March 2019 - 10.59 am
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Criticism for Talking Heads as supposed Road to Nowhere actually goes to Chelmsford
8th March 2019 - 10.07 am
Source: News Thump

            

Latest Article




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America's Finest News Source.
Go to full article
Published: 18th March 2019 - 11.32 pm
Source: The Onion


The Daily Mash
Humour
Brexit marchers demand emergency airdrop from EU
18th March 2019 - 11.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Racists upset by nasty tolerant people
18th March 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Man guarantees sex will never happen again by calling it ‘totes amazeballs’
18th March 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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‘Cocaine’s great’ says man with no concept of future beyond next three minutes
18th March 2019 - 9.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Facebook nutter includes workplace in his profile
18th March 2019 - 8.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Parents watch three-hour dance show for 98 seconds of their child
18th March 2019 - 8.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Cartoon baker sure pie cooling on windowsill will be fine
17th March 2019 - 8.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Non-driver slams passenger door so hard it destroys car
17th March 2019 - 8.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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How to exercise when you f***ing hate exercise
16th March 2019 - 8.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Magazine in doctor’s waiting room speaks of simpler time
16th March 2019 - 8.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Token vegan item on pub menu made with actual cardboard
15th March 2019 - 12.20 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
How’s that Brexit street party going?
15th March 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Old computers sad you don’t love them anymore
15th March 2019 - 10.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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How to humiliate yourself trying to pull someone out of your league
15th March 2019 - 10.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Dog horrified to see his turd on Facebook
15th March 2019 - 10.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
How about we make March 29th the day you piss off? Britain tells May
15th March 2019 - 10.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Are you clinging to your job by a thread?
14th March 2019 - 11.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Cyclist shaves three seconds off telling-people-he’s-a-cyclist time
14th March 2019 - 10.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Tattoo artist has moment of self-doubt about making people look shit
14th March 2019 - 10.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Middle class couple upset sending kids to private school has made them ‘poor’
14th March 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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We call her ‘dickhead’ to her face and she does nothing, cabinet confirms
14th March 2019 - 9.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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How to get someone buying a house to shut the f**k up
14th March 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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So what exactly is a ‘tariff’? ask Brexit voters
13th March 2019 - 5.50 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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How to make friends without getting pissed together
13th March 2019 - 12.30 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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I’m not even dipping a toe in that f**king mess, says Queen
13th March 2019 - 11.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Losing scratchcard stared at for extra 20 seconds just in case
13th March 2019 - 11.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Man in flat cap trying to be Peaky Blinders but ending up Last of the Summer Wine
13th March 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Another six times and it’ll pass unaminously, calculates May
13th March 2019 - 9.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Hairdresser’s opinions increasingly dodgy
13th March 2019 - 8.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Mums ever so grateful to Daily Mail for parenting tips
12th March 2019 - 12.10 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Woman incapable of drinking entire mug of tea
12th March 2019 - 11.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Bring back National Service, say people who’ve given it f**k all thought
12th March 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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I’m your prime minister now
12th March 2019 - 10.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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28-year-old woman has hobbies that would make a Suffragette vomit
12th March 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Which of this week’s three historic Brexit votes are you? 
12th March 2019 - 9.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Man on Amsterdam citybreak brings back more from Europe than Theresa May
12th March 2019 - 8.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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The life and times of a Brexiter who shouts at TV cameras outside Parliament
11th March 2019 - 4.00 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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EU covers its eyes while UK shits its pants
11th March 2019 - 12.20 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Adults told to stop putting two words together to make a swear word
11th March 2019 - 12.20 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Man who held lift door acting like he’s Nelson Mandela
11th March 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Would a great, big handful of magic mushrooms sort out your Monday blues?
11th March 2019 - 9.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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‘Woke’ man trying desperately to explain Motley Crüe CDs in car
11th March 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Are you actually a robot?
11th March 2019 - 9.00 am
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The Daily Mash
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Most effective cleaning hack is not bothering your arse
10th March 2019 - 8.50 am
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The Daily Mash
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Smart motorways are great because we can drive three abreast, say lorry drivers
10th March 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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How the f**k is this a ‘cake’? ask dieters
9th March 2019 - 7.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Tory party ‘could be down to 16 people without the racists’
8th March 2019 - 11.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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How to get away with being an absolute bellend by saying you ‘misspoke’
8th March 2019 - 10.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Use our shitty website which doesn’t work to save us money, says train company
8th March 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Government to nationalise fashion chain Kate likes
8th March 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Onion
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Officials: Clear Similarities Between Boeing 737 Max 8 Crashes
18th March 2019 - 9.27 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Man Wasting His Life Playing Video Games When There Whole World Of Other Screens Out There
18th March 2019 - 9.21 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Apple Announces Tim Cook Mini
18th March 2019 - 7.31 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Trump Vows To Bring Back Ohio Town’s White Castle
18th March 2019 - 6.26 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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NCAA Launches Investigation Into Why It Wasn’t Making Millions Off Recent College Admissions Scandal
18th March 2019 - 6.13 pm
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The Onion
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Trump: Any Shooting Actually Inspired By Me Would Have Left Thousands Dead
18th March 2019 - 5.59 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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KC Masterpiece CEO Warns Against Society’s Increasing Reliance On A1
18th March 2019 - 5.08 pm
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God Really Dreading Visit From Older Brother Who Made Much More Successful Cosmos
18th March 2019 - 4.59 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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President’s Cathartic Words Help Nation Begin To Heal Following Yet Another Senseless ‘Saturday Night Live’
18th March 2019 - 4.51 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Area Man Much Happier, More Relaxed Since Joining Cult
18th March 2019 - 3.59 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Wireless Headphones May Pose Cancer Risk, Experts Say
18th March 2019 - 3.22 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Thousands Of Students Forced To Attend Iowa State After University Sets Acceptance Rate To 140%
18th March 2019 - 3.18 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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The Week In Pictures – Week Of March 18, 2019
18th March 2019 - 2.44 pm
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The Onion
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Chicago St. Patrick’s Day Parade Finally Lifts Ban On Snakes
17th March 2019 - 1.00 pm
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The Onion
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Could Bryce Harper Convince Mike Trout To Follow Him To A Giant Pile Of Money?
16th March 2019 - 3.15 pm
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Jazz Reminds Fans Racist, Homophobic Language Has No Place in Good Seats
15th March 2019 - 8.59 pm
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The Onion
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How FEMA Responds To Disasters
15th March 2019 - 8.43 pm
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The Onion
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5 Things To Know About Beto O'Rourke
15th March 2019 - 8.35 pm
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The Onion
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Report: More Women Forgoing Taking Their Husbands’ Names In Favor Of Something Badass Like Diesel
15th March 2019 - 8.19 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Youth Climate Strike Takes Place In Hundreds Of Countries
15th March 2019 - 7.55 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Should The NFL Combine Get Rid Of The 40-Mile Dash?
15th March 2019 - 7.26 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Woman’s Solo Hiking Trip Shockingly Doesn’t Have To Do With Inner Journey Or Anything
15th March 2019 - 6.51 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Overwhelmed New Grandparents Finally Feeling What It Like To Love A Child
15th March 2019 - 4.30 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Japan To Put Toyota On Moon By 2029
15th March 2019 - 4.15 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Dad Wearing Some New Kind Of Headphones That Wrap Over, Under, Around Ears
15th March 2019 - 3.43 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Le’Veon Bell Stipulates Jets Contract Must Contain Immediate-Trade Clause
15th March 2019 - 2.44 am
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Antonio Brown Buys Pittsburgh Billboard To Thank Antonio Brown For Putting Up With City
14th March 2019 - 10.45 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Beto O’Rourke Announces He Starting Obama Cover Campaign
14th March 2019 - 10.14 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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California Halts Death Penalty
14th March 2019 - 9.27 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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2020 Presidential Candidate Pete Buttigieg Announces Bold Plan For 2,500-Mile Intercontinental Riverwalk
14th March 2019 - 8.01 pm
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The Onion
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Rahm Emanuel Breaks Ground On New Jason Van Dyke Police Academy
14th March 2019 - 7.31 pm
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Dog Feels Like He Always Has To Be ‘On’ Around Family
14th March 2019 - 7.27 pm
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The Onion
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World Wide Web 30 Years Old
14th March 2019 - 7.21 pm
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The Onion
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Piece Of Shit Whom Everybody Hates Assures Himself It All In His Head
14th March 2019 - 6.55 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Responsible Gym Member Makes Sure To Wipe Down Personal Trainer After Workout
14th March 2019 - 4.10 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Anti-Vaxxer Movement By The Numbers
14th March 2019 - 3.33 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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‘C’mon, C’mon,’ Says Matt Damon Desperately Searching For Own Name On List Of IMDB User Dolphinsoul60’s Top 100 Actors
14th March 2019 - 3.28 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Experts Recommend Changing Batteries In Smoke Detector Every 6 Fires
14th March 2019 - 12.36 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Tennis Instructor Mentoring Young Player Sees Potential In Parents’ Income
14th March 2019 - 12.28 pm
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The Onion
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50 Charged In College Admissions Bribing Scandal
13th March 2019 - 7.23 pm
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The Onion
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Religious Conservatives Argue Adam And Eve Would Never Have Been Banished From Eden If They’d Had Guns
13th March 2019 - 5.35 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Report: Just Go Ahead And Tell Yourself Bribery Is The Only Reason You Didn’t Get Into Columbia
13th March 2019 - 3.31 pm
Source: The Onion
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Unsettling Study Finds Second Cousins Technically Fair Game
13th March 2019 - 3.29 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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‘Cops’ Turns 30
13th March 2019 - 3.20 pm
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The Onion
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Husband Buys Wife Tickets To See Singer She Wants To Fuck
13th March 2019 - 3.17 pm
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Experts Warn There No End In Sight For Venezuela Blackouts
13th March 2019 - 2.55 pm
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5 Things To Know About Andrew Yang
13th March 2019 - 2.51 pm
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USC Insists Lori Loughlin’s Daughter Was Admitted Solely Based On Socioeconomic Background
12th March 2019 - 10.25 pm
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The Onion
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Nation’s Flag Nerds Anxiously Watching D.C. Statehood Push
12th March 2019 - 7.23 pm
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China Grounds All 737 Max 8 Planes Following Crash
12th March 2019 - 7.15 pm
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Cracked
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5 Old-Timey Theories About Health That Were Dumb AF
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Lame Attempts to Make Action Heroes Look Badass
18th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Impressive Scams People Used To Get Out Of Work
17th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Hilarious Ways Ads Tried To Make Boring Products Cool
16th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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The Real Colonel Sanders Was A Relentless, Amazing Maniac
16th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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15th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Study: Hip-Hop Makes Your Cheese Taste Better (Seriously)
15th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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15th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Bryan Singer Dropped From 'Red Sonja' For The Worst Reason
14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Behind-The-Scenes Shots That Take The Glamour Out Of Ads
14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 New (And Strangely Plausible) Conspiracy Theories
14th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Netflix Is Making More Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Movies
13th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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7 Viral Stories That Had Twists Nobody Remembers
13th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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5 Reasons The DC Film Universe Is Poised To Make A Comeback
13th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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12th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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12th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Scientists Will Zap Prisoners' Brains To Make Them Behave
11th March 2019 - 1.10 pm
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Theresa May's latest Brexit deal 'substantively different' after being converted to Comic Sans
18th March 2019 - 5.14 pm
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Eurostar advise passengers not to travel to London after reports confirm it is full of miserable sods
18th March 2019 - 12.26 pm
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Jet engine developers condemned for potentially bringing Australians 'within four hours of the UK'
18th March 2019 - 11.59 am
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Facebook promises their latest update means you’ll see even less of the stuff you actually follow
18th March 2019 - 10.56 am
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Ron and Hermione had a threesome with Dobby the House Elf, confirms JK Rowling without anyone asking
18th March 2019 - 9.37 am
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18th March 2019 - 8.58 am
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News Thump
Humour
Leprechauns enjoy final St Patrick's Day not spent conducting customs checks at the Irish Border
17th March 2019 - 6.15 pm
Source: News Thump
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Irish demonstrate once again how to do patriotism without turning it into something shit
17th March 2019 - 1.38 pm
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Nigel Farage's Brexit march proves nation cares more about Brackley Town vs Curzon Ashton than Brexit
16th March 2019 - 2.19 pm
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Climate change protesters prepare to bicycle home
15th March 2019 - 6.52 pm
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Moment of Brexit tenderness as adorable British MPs think Article 50 extension is up to them
15th March 2019 - 3.57 pm
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Theresa May proposes compromise of remaining in EU on weekdays and staying out at weekends
15th March 2019 - 2.49 pm
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Melania Trump body double identified as Steve Tyler
15th March 2019 - 12.37 pm
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Humour
Social Justice Batman lights the Virtue Signal
15th March 2019 - 11.03 am
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Far-right commentators keen to distance themselves from Christchurch shooter who shares every single one of their beliefs
15th March 2019 - 10.00 am
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Labour leader upholds long-held, principled position of not supporting Labour Party policy
15th March 2019 - 9.13 am
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Satirists ask for extension to Article 50
15th March 2019 - 9.08 am
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Humour
We are having a third vote on my deal in case anyone has changed their mind, insists irony-free Theresa May
14th March 2019 - 8.17 pm
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Humour
Knives only to be used with police supervision under new government guidelines
14th March 2019 - 3.03 pm
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Outrage as Cadbury's abandons Easter egg for "Celebratory Chocolate Orb"
14th March 2019 - 12.19 pm
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Eurocrat Nigel Farage suspected of asking foreign leaders to overrule the sovereignty of Westminster
14th March 2019 - 9.46 am
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Humour
Facebook outage forces entire nation to descend into state of mass productivity
14th March 2019 - 8.36 am
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Opinion: I have no fucking clue what's going on any more
13th March 2019 - 8.21 pm
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Woman impressed to point of arousal by husband's knowledge of local traffic light sequences
13th March 2019 - 12.57 pm
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Humour
Bathroom tap designers told to calm the f*ck down
13th March 2019 - 12.14 pm
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Humour
Man With head on block demands they stop squabbling and get on with cutting it off
13th March 2019 - 11.13 am
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Markets rally as Parliament restores Brexit to its normal status of pointless clusterfuck
13th March 2019 - 10.15 am
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Theresa May insists Brexit deal isn't dead, it's just resting
13th March 2019 - 9.04 am
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Brexiter fantasist enjoying final 24 hours of pretending no-deal Brexit is happening
13th March 2019 - 8.47 am
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Nation left shocked as crap deal presented by incompetent leader fails to secure outcome no-one wanted
12th March 2019 - 7.24 pm
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Telling kids with knives that they're stupid cowards will make them feel less stabby, decides public
12th March 2019 - 12.51 pm
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Victory for Theresa May as drunken Jean-Claude Juncker gives Belgium to the UK
12th March 2019 - 12.00 pm
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Nation of 65m people to "Take Back Control" by having fate decided by religious fundamentalists only voted for by 290k of them
12th March 2019 - 11.13 am
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Triumph for Theresa May as she convinces EU to use a different font on Brexit deal
12th March 2019 - 10.09 am
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Man dies after ignoring pleas from 'so-called experts' to vacate his burning house
12th March 2019 - 9.22 am
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Theresa May secures agreement to change Backstop to a Stopback
12th March 2019 - 9.02 am
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Theresa May stuns nation by not cancelling meaningful vote at last minute
11th March 2019 - 4.07 pm
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Humour
Could you negotiate a better Brexit deal than the government? Take our test to find out!
11th March 2019 - 12.16 pm
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Humour
The EU is run by shape-shifting lizards, insists Esther McVey
11th March 2019 - 11.25 am
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God issues recall on 'humanity'
11th March 2019 - 10.51 am
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Humour
Sajid Javid now very popular with people who think killing babies is great
11th March 2019 - 9.33 am
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Aston Villa's Jack Grealish relieved that Birmingham City fans punch like little girls
10th March 2019 - 2.32 pm
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Opinion: who should I trust about Captain Marvel - the reviews, or an angry man on the Internet who hasn’t seen it?
9th March 2019 - 10.53 am
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Men pleased that whole treating-women-with-respect thing is over for another year
9th March 2019 - 10.38 am
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Will Self and Mark Francois share passionate kiss on Politics Live
9th March 2019 - 10.27 am
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Woman willing to give benefit of doubt to every #MeToo victim unless the accused can do the moonwalk
9th March 2019 - 9.27 am
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Humour
Nobody outside Birmingham really buying that whole 'Birmingham is Britain's second city' thing
8th March 2019 - 12.31 pm
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Education Secretary tells protesting headteachers it's their own time they’re wasting
8th March 2019 - 12.13 pm
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Debenhams to start selling massive mugs
8th March 2019 - 10.59 am
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Criticism for Talking Heads as supposed Road to Nowhere actually goes to Chelmsford
8th March 2019 - 10.07 am
Source: News Thump


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