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The Onion – America’s Finest News Source
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Published: 8th November 2018 - 10.44 pm
Source: The Onion




The Daily Mash
Humour
If anyone else acted like that I’d just call them a dick, admits mother of small child
22nd January 2019 - 12.10 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Man thinks everyone is genuinely interested in how much water he drinks
22nd January 2019 - 12.00 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Second referendum to ask ‘Do you want everything to be brilliant?’
22nd January 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Self-employed make annual choice between tax return and faking own death
22nd January 2019 - 10.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Philip asks Queen to take the points for him
22nd January 2019 - 10.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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The hater’s guide to London
22nd January 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Have you joined a UFO death cult or have you joined the Lib Dems? Take the test…
21st January 2019 - 12.10 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Teddy bears have left children unprepared for actual bears, say experts
21st January 2019 - 11.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Woman loses argument with her dog
21st January 2019 - 11.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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May asks for same changes to same plan before same MPs vote same way 
21st January 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Middle class man hires working class man to build snowman
21st January 2019 - 9.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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‘I’ll do whatever the f**k I want’, says 97-year-old who can do whatever the f**k he wants
21st January 2019 - 8.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Man decides to just agree with everyone that Paddington 2 is some sort of masterpiece
20th January 2019 - 9.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Woman watching BBC version of Les Mis adding songs in herself
20th January 2019 - 8.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
What does your hangover pizza say about you?
19th January 2019 - 8.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
‘For Christ’s sake, stop talking like that’ say babies
19th January 2019 - 8.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Middle-class man thinks he’s an expert on street crime
18th January 2019 - 12.10 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Five new dating trends to make you think ‘F**k it, I’ll stay single’
18th January 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
New vegans warned to monitor self-deception levels
18th January 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Has your friend been to Australia and turned into a racist?
18th January 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Woman admits sex was never as exciting as her new Dyson
18th January 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Got that f**king grouse though, says Philip
18th January 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Plans great until you have to actually f**king do them
17th January 2019 - 12.00 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
F**king unite behind me you twats, says May at cross-party talks
17th January 2019 - 11.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Neighbours delighted man’s friend beeped car horn 15 times as he left last night
17th January 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Man decides 10-pin bowling is ‘just a laugh’ after discovering he’s shit at it
17th January 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Teenager is first in his family to go to university with two Es
17th January 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Theresa May’s guide to hanging on like an idiot
17th January 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Strong and stable government to continue
16th January 2019 - 7.20 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Bar owner cannot believe people pay ten quid for a ‘mocktail’
16th January 2019 - 12.20 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Are you a weird Labour MP who’s obviously joined the wrong party?
16th January 2019 - 11.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Four new wellness trends for 2019 that we’ve just pulled out of our arses
16th January 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Remainers wishing Jean-Claude Juncker wasn’t such a git
16th January 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
‘Oops, did our advert piss off dickheads?’ asks razor blade company
16th January 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
It couldn’t happen to a nicer delusional maniac, agrees Britain
16th January 2019 - 9.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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All options ruled out
16th January 2019 - 8.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Labelling half the country whining Remoaner twats ‘not the best idea’, admits May
15th January 2019 - 7.50 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Man keeps peeking out widow to see if riots have started yet
15th January 2019 - 7.50 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
‘So, we’re all agreed this is a great deal’ confirms May
15th January 2019 - 7.40 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Oven chip cooking time amended to eight weeks
15th January 2019 - 12.00 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Right age to lose virginity ‘no more than 18 months after you’ve claimed to’
15th January 2019 - 11.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Airport worker almost forgets to add the chemtrails
15th January 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Parents confirm they have great respect for ‘parenting experts’ and don’t want them to shut the f**k up
15th January 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
‘Nutjob’ neighbours with Brexit stockpile now seem wise and useful
15th January 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
What sort of shit sandwich do you want? asks May
15th January 2019 - 8.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Esther McVey’s guide to not having the faintest idea what you’re talking about
14th January 2019 - 4.00 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Private school pupils ‘under huge pressure to have opinions about venison’
14th January 2019 - 11.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Boris Johnson’s Guide to the Best of Both Worlds
14th January 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
‘Not to be shallow, but no one under six foot’ says shallow woman on dating app
14th January 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
We’ve waived our completely made-up bullshit fee that pays for literally nothing, say gyms
14th January 2019 - 9.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Onion
Humour
5 Things To Know About Julián Castro
21st January 2019 - 3.52 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Trump Approval Plunges Amidst Shutdown
21st January 2019 - 3.42 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Dan Savage Disgusted By Letter From Perverted Reader Contemplating Oral Sex
21st January 2019 - 3.35 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Man Beginning To Worry That Best Meals Already Behind Him
21st January 2019 - 3.17 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
The Week In Pictures – Week Of January 21, 2019
21st January 2019 - 3.17 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Queen Elizabeth Watches As Oxen Pull Apart Farmer Who Failed To Provide Yearly Tithe Of Grain
21st January 2019 - 3.11 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Nation Celebrates MLK Day
21st January 2019 - 3.03 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Doctor Weirded Out By Patient She Just Met Providing Every Lurid Detail Of Medical History
21st January 2019 - 3.01 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Orlando Locals Fear Town Starting To Become Overrun By Tourists
21st January 2019 - 2.31 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Polar Vortex Splits Into U.S.-Chilling Rings
19th January 2019 - 2.00 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Michael Cohen Says He Paid To Rig Polls In Trump’s Favor
18th January 2019 - 10.43 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Trump Dismisses Trump As A Distraction
18th January 2019 - 10.06 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Trump Postpones Grand Opening Of Trump Tower Moscow Until Fuss Over Bombshell Report Dies Down
18th January 2019 - 9.19 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
‘If This Report Is True’ To Be Repeated 5.7 Billion Times Today
18th January 2019 - 9.05 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Defiant Pelosi Begins Swimming To Afghanistan After Trump Denies Use Of Government Plane
18th January 2019 - 8.26 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Patriots Score 2 Touchdowns Against Chiefs In Preemptive Strike Before AFC Championship Game
18th January 2019 - 7.22 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
5 Things To Know About Kirsten Gillibrand
18th January 2019 - 7.10 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
ICE Launches Campaign To Reunite Immigrant Children With Arresting Officer
18th January 2019 - 7.01 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
ISS Astronaut Sick Of Sharing Confined Space With Crass, Disgusting Partner From Polaris 8
18th January 2019 - 6.19 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Fans Shocked After Marie Kondo Reveals She Has Been Dating Untidy Cupboard For Past 6 Months
18th January 2019 - 5.21 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Should The Oakland A’s Have Sent Brad Pitt To Persuade Kyler Murray?
18th January 2019 - 5.02 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Tom Brady Feeling Guilty After Gorging Self On Full Order Of Kansas-City-Style Tap Water
18th January 2019 - 4.48 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Yahoo! Turns 25
18th January 2019 - 4.05 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Woman Didn’t Know Progress On Toxic Masculinity Would Turn Boyfriend Into Such A Weepy Little Pansy
18th January 2019 - 3.53 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Ready For Her Close-Up: This Actress Is Ready For Her Close-Up
18th January 2019 - 2.29 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
John Bolton Insists Iran Likely Harboring Dangerous Terrorist Osama Bin Laden
17th January 2019 - 10.44 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Could This Be The Last Season We See Rob Gronkowski Fully Assembled In A Patriots Uniform?
17th January 2019 - 9.31 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
‘Don’t Make Me Regret This,’ Mueller Tells Rick Gates Before Uncuffing Him To Work On Investigation Together
17th January 2019 - 9.16 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Pelosi Asks Trump To Delay State of the Union During Shutdown
17th January 2019 - 8.47 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Karen Pence Returns To Work As Part-Time Nude Art Model
17th January 2019 - 7.37 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Poll Finds 100% Of Americans Blame Shutdown Entirely On Colorado Representative Scott Tipton
17th January 2019 - 7.29 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
5 Things To Know About ‘Glass’
17th January 2019 - 7.02 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Presumptuous Congressional Freshman Thinks She Can Just Come In And Represent Constituents
17th January 2019 - 6.04 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Ames Executives Scrambling After New Shovel Design Leaks
17th January 2019 - 5.44 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Zamboni Jams Up After Running Over Large Patch Of Loose Teeth
17th January 2019 - 5.37 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Netflix Raising Prices
17th January 2019 - 3.56 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Man Nervous About Telling Date He Has Her Kids
17th January 2019 - 3.43 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Report: There No Way Of Knowing Whether The Vague Award Mom Won At Work A Big Deal Or What
16th January 2019 - 9.22 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
U.K. Parliament Rejects Theresa May’s Brexit Deal
16th January 2019 - 9.12 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Fox News Debuts Premium Channel For 24-Hour Coverage Of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
16th January 2019 - 8.38 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Woman Rushes To Hide Fragile Objects, Cover Up Sharp Corners On Tables Before Boyfriend Comes Over
16th January 2019 - 7.46 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
4 Times In ‘Legally Blonde’ Where Reese Witherspoon Breaks Character To Explain That Women Aren’t Going To Get A Better Movie Than This For The Next 20 Years
16th January 2019 - 5.40 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
New Hampshire Legislature Passes Bill Naming Fentanyl State Opiate
16th January 2019 - 5.14 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Photo Of Egg Breaks World Record For Most-Liked Instagram Post
16th January 2019 - 3.22 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Furloughed Government Employee Using Time Off To Visit Local Food Pantry She Been Hearing About
16th January 2019 - 3.13 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Pros And Cons Of Pet Insurance
16th January 2019 - 3.07 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Lincoln Memorial Empty After Former President’s Statue Furloughed
16th January 2019 - 3.03 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Fed-Up EU Rejects United Kingdom, Gives British 30 Days To Vacate Europe
15th January 2019 - 10.51 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
GOP Leaders Condemn Steve King For White Supremacy Comment
15th January 2019 - 9.34 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Viagra Announces Real Medicine That Gave Customers Erections Was Confidence All Along
15th January 2019 - 7.27 pm
Source: The Onion
Cracked
Humour
6 Times Audiences (Successfully) Pushed Hollywood Around
21st January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 Famous Characters Basically Everybody Gets Wrong
21st January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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How An Entire Religion Got Trolled By A Murderous Con Artist
20th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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5 Public Officials Who Clearly Weren’t Cut Out For The Job
19th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
6 Nerdy References Hidden In Your Favorite Movies And Shows
18th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Behold, A Movie About A Guy Who Kills Hitler And Bigfoot
18th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
4 Strange Ways Everyday Foods Can Affect Your Brain
18th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
20 Ways The Government Shutdown's Destroying America
18th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Here Are 40 Covers For Classic Books (IF They Were Honest)
18th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Ghostbusters 3 Was Announced Months Ago, But No One Noticed
17th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Types Of Crime Everybody Pictures Completely Wrong
17th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
10 Open World Missions To Make You Regret Your Game
17th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
YouTube Is Sick Of Dumb Pranks After The Bird Box Challenge
16th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
6 Crazy AF Products Celebrities Actually Tried To Sell You
16th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Weirdly Complex Pop Culture Frauds
16th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Let's Go Nuts Overanalyzing The 'Game Of Thrones' Teaser
15th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Famous Magazine Covers With Crazy Stories You Never Knew
15th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
8 Foreign Movie Posters That Put Ours To Shame
15th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
6 Spectacularly Insane Criminal Plots That Really Happened
14th January 2019 - 4.00 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Heroic Acts That Came From Very Unexpected Places
14th January 2019 - 4.00 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Travel Alert: The Skies Of Brazil Are Full Of Spiders
14th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
That Story About Robbie Williams And Jimmy Page Is Likely BS
14th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
6 Ways Hollywood Ruins Fight Scenes
13th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
6 Terrifying Animal Swarms Capable of Causing Total Mayhem
12th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Hanger And The Munchies: 5 Common Food Feelings Explained
11th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
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How A Dead Nun Ended Up With Teeth Full Of Treasure
11th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Want The Best Job Of The 21st Century? Learn To Herd Goats
11th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Surprising Signs That Indicate You Might Be A Psychopath
11th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Here's How Your Brain Makes You Buy Stupid Crap
11th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Check It Out, Nerds: There's a 'Ghostbusters' Dinosaur
10th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Hidden Details In Your Favorite Cartoons You Never Noticed
10th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
When Life In New York Was A Real-Life Dystopian Action Movie
10th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Margot Robbie's Playing Barbie (Yes, There's A Barbie Movie)
9th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
According To Marvel, Loki Wasn't Really A Villain ... Huh?
9th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Criminal Masterminds Who Used Their Powers For Good (Or Fun)
9th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
How A Simple Contact Lens Mishap Can Destroy Your Eyeball
9th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
It's Time To Discuss That Gross 'Harry Potter' Revelation
8th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Clever Loopholes People Used To Avoid Getting Screwed
8th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
You Miss Video Stores (Even If You Won't Admit It)
8th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
And Now, Some Controversial Opinions About 'Space Jam'
7th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
The Real Golden Globe Winner: Melissa McCarthy's Sandwiches
7th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
The 5 Craziest Things The Wealthy Have Wasted Their Money On
7th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
6 Crazy AF Fox News Stories You Won't Believe Are Real
7th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 DIY Projects That Ruin People's Lives
6th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Crimes Foiled Hilariously By Acts Of God
5th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Mind-Blowingly Stupid Ways Pro Athletes Tried To Cheat
4th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
The Bird Box Challenge Is The Dumbest Internet Dare Yet
4th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Things You Didn't Know You Could Get Banned From
4th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
A Fallout 76 Bug Accidentally Erased All Of The Game's Nukes
4th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Here’s How These 19 Shows Hooked You, Then Lost You
4th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
News Thump
Humour
Charlie Brooker appointed Brexit Secretary to provide everyone with personalised alternate ending
22nd January 2019 - 12.10 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Lenny Henry sought in connection with digger attack on Travelodge
22nd January 2019 - 10.37 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Woman inspired by Marie Kondo to tidy entire home just focusing efforts on husband's crap for now
22nd January 2019 - 10.04 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Pension dispute sees London's Beefeaters go vegan
22nd January 2019 - 9.24 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Second referendum would threaten social cohesion, says woman whose immigration scare-mongering has helped destroy social cohesion
22nd January 2019 - 9.17 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
OPINION: Sometimes every side is a little bit of a dickhead
21st January 2019 - 2.00 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Brexiters demand future negotiations be carried out in railway car near Compiegne, France
21st January 2019 - 11.06 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Confused Plan B to be presented to Parliament
21st January 2019 - 10.55 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Prince Philip opts to attend driver safety awareness course instead of having points added to his licence
21st January 2019 - 9.45 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Jacob Rees-Mogg asks his LBC listeners which race of boy makes the best chimney sweep
18th January 2019 - 4.04 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Saturn's rings revealed to be much younger than Jacob Rees-Mogg
18th January 2019 - 3.26 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Continued existence of Chris Grayling leads to concern that human evolution is broken
18th January 2019 - 12.03 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Woman who always has heating on full still going out in a strappy top and skirt tonight
18th January 2019 - 11.44 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Remainer demands that Romeo and Juliet be rewritten as he didn't like the ending
18th January 2019 - 11.09 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
We are having a second vote on my deal in case anyone has changed their mind, insists irony-free Theresa May
18th January 2019 - 9.40 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Ghostly White Fiat Uno flees Prince Philip crash site
17th January 2019 - 9.48 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
97-year-old boy racer flips car
17th January 2019 - 8.33 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Mexico to spend $5billion on border stairs
17th January 2019 - 3.52 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May tries to sway Jeremy Corbyn with enormous jar of homemade jam
17th January 2019 - 3.33 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May launches range of non-stick pans
17th January 2019 - 12.30 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Nigel Farage's guide to using private planes but not being part of the establishment elite
17th January 2019 - 12.19 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
'Brexit' scriptwriters admit they have no idea how to write season finale
17th January 2019 - 11.24 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Kim and Aggie receive anonymous request to remove stubborn stain from Number Ten
17th January 2019 - 10.55 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
"It's my opinion" not the bullet-proof defence Karen thinks it is
17th January 2019 - 9.53 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
John Prescott to thump an MP every hour on the hour until Brexit gets sorted
17th January 2019 - 8.45 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Zombies left hugely offended by comparisons to Theresa May's government
16th January 2019 - 8.04 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Gillette commercial nowhere near as offensive as the price of their f*cking razor blades
16th January 2019 - 11.14 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
'Support Theresa May', plead DUP knowing nobody else would be stupid enough go to make a deal with them
16th January 2019 - 10.29 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
"The only way forward is to do exactly what I’ve said all along" - exclusive interview with every British politician
16th January 2019 - 9.54 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May grateful that vote of no confidence was called by only MP less popular than she is
16th January 2019 - 9.31 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Britain successfully lulls EU into false sense of security by giving appearance of incompetence and confusion
16th January 2019 - 8.52 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Hard Brexiter and Remainer both convinced they won tonight's parliamentary vote
15th January 2019 - 9.13 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Nation shocked as crap deal presented by incompetent leader fails to secure outcome no-one wanted
15th January 2019 - 8.39 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
"Angry at our ad? Trim back that broflake rage with the new Gillette Sensor Incel"
15th January 2019 - 7.18 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Donald Trump devastated after having to share his usual daily order of 300 burgers with visitors to the White House
15th January 2019 - 6.44 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Man who loves free speech really can't handle it when people use it to disagree with him
15th January 2019 - 4.35 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
David Cameron somehow remains neither tarred nor feathered
15th January 2019 - 4.04 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Man furious at Gillette for 'bullying is bad' advert perfectly happy to be targeted by 'this product helps you get sex' adverts
15th January 2019 - 12.10 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May lays out offer of handjobs for support ahead of crucial Brexit vote
15th January 2019 - 11.12 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Opinion: This is the fault of absolutely everyone except the people who actually voted for it
15th January 2019 - 9.14 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May advised never to play poker
15th January 2019 - 8.34 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Kids left wondering why Mum is so determined to take them to see Aquaman
14th January 2019 - 3.09 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse spotted near Westminster
14th January 2019 - 2.16 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
"Maybe we should all just be a bit nicer to each other?" suggests stupid f*cking dickhead
14th January 2019 - 12.41 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Trump's wall to be reinforced with 'thoughts and prayers' after success in preventing school shootings
14th January 2019 - 10.30 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Philip May reassures Theresa: 'At least it's the last time you'll have to get up on a cold Monday morning'
14th January 2019 - 9.31 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Black men are terrible fathers, says shit-stirring hack who once hit his pregnant girlfriend
14th January 2019 - 9.08 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
The only way to defeat far-right extremism is to do everything they want, insists Chris Grayling
12th January 2019 - 11.17 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Asylum applications: Home Office urged to use thumbscrews and waterboarding on the lying bastards
11th January 2019 - 11.47 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Jeremy Corbyn finally joins Brexit debate to come down firmly on the side of making Jeremy Corbyn prime minister
11th January 2019 - 9.58 am
Source: News Thump

           

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The Onion – America’s Finest News Source
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Source: The Onion




The Daily Mash
Humour
If anyone else acted like that I’d just call them a dick, admits mother of small child
22nd January 2019 - 12.10 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Man thinks everyone is genuinely interested in how much water he drinks
22nd January 2019 - 12.00 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Second referendum to ask ‘Do you want everything to be brilliant?’
22nd January 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Self-employed make annual choice between tax return and faking own death
22nd January 2019 - 10.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Philip asks Queen to take the points for him
22nd January 2019 - 10.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
The hater’s guide to London
22nd January 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Have you joined a UFO death cult or have you joined the Lib Dems? Take the test…
21st January 2019 - 12.10 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Teddy bears have left children unprepared for actual bears, say experts
21st January 2019 - 11.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Woman loses argument with her dog
21st January 2019 - 11.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
May asks for same changes to same plan before same MPs vote same way 
21st January 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Middle class man hires working class man to build snowman
21st January 2019 - 9.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
‘I’ll do whatever the f**k I want’, says 97-year-old who can do whatever the f**k he wants
21st January 2019 - 8.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Man decides to just agree with everyone that Paddington 2 is some sort of masterpiece
20th January 2019 - 9.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Woman watching BBC version of Les Mis adding songs in herself
20th January 2019 - 8.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
What does your hangover pizza say about you?
19th January 2019 - 8.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
‘For Christ’s sake, stop talking like that’ say babies
19th January 2019 - 8.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Middle-class man thinks he’s an expert on street crime
18th January 2019 - 12.10 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Five new dating trends to make you think ‘F**k it, I’ll stay single’
18th January 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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New vegans warned to monitor self-deception levels
18th January 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Has your friend been to Australia and turned into a racist?
18th January 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Woman admits sex was never as exciting as her new Dyson
18th January 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Got that f**king grouse though, says Philip
18th January 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Plans great until you have to actually f**king do them
17th January 2019 - 12.00 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
F**king unite behind me you twats, says May at cross-party talks
17th January 2019 - 11.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Neighbours delighted man’s friend beeped car horn 15 times as he left last night
17th January 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Man decides 10-pin bowling is ‘just a laugh’ after discovering he’s shit at it
17th January 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Teenager is first in his family to go to university with two Es
17th January 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Theresa May’s guide to hanging on like an idiot
17th January 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Strong and stable government to continue
16th January 2019 - 7.20 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Bar owner cannot believe people pay ten quid for a ‘mocktail’
16th January 2019 - 12.20 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Are you a weird Labour MP who’s obviously joined the wrong party?
16th January 2019 - 11.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Four new wellness trends for 2019 that we’ve just pulled out of our arses
16th January 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Remainers wishing Jean-Claude Juncker wasn’t such a git
16th January 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
‘Oops, did our advert piss off dickheads?’ asks razor blade company
16th January 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
It couldn’t happen to a nicer delusional maniac, agrees Britain
16th January 2019 - 9.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
All options ruled out
16th January 2019 - 8.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Labelling half the country whining Remoaner twats ‘not the best idea’, admits May
15th January 2019 - 7.50 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Man keeps peeking out widow to see if riots have started yet
15th January 2019 - 7.50 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
‘So, we’re all agreed this is a great deal’ confirms May
15th January 2019 - 7.40 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Oven chip cooking time amended to eight weeks
15th January 2019 - 12.00 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Right age to lose virginity ‘no more than 18 months after you’ve claimed to’
15th January 2019 - 11.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Airport worker almost forgets to add the chemtrails
15th January 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Parents confirm they have great respect for ‘parenting experts’ and don’t want them to shut the f**k up
15th January 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
‘Nutjob’ neighbours with Brexit stockpile now seem wise and useful
15th January 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
What sort of shit sandwich do you want? asks May
15th January 2019 - 8.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Esther McVey’s guide to not having the faintest idea what you’re talking about
14th January 2019 - 4.00 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Private school pupils ‘under huge pressure to have opinions about venison’
14th January 2019 - 11.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Boris Johnson’s Guide to the Best of Both Worlds
14th January 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
‘Not to be shallow, but no one under six foot’ says shallow woman on dating app
14th January 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
We’ve waived our completely made-up bullshit fee that pays for literally nothing, say gyms
14th January 2019 - 9.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Onion
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5 Things To Know About Julián Castro
21st January 2019 - 3.52 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Trump Approval Plunges Amidst Shutdown
21st January 2019 - 3.42 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Dan Savage Disgusted By Letter From Perverted Reader Contemplating Oral Sex
21st January 2019 - 3.35 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Man Beginning To Worry That Best Meals Already Behind Him
21st January 2019 - 3.17 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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The Week In Pictures – Week Of January 21, 2019
21st January 2019 - 3.17 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Queen Elizabeth Watches As Oxen Pull Apart Farmer Who Failed To Provide Yearly Tithe Of Grain
21st January 2019 - 3.11 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Nation Celebrates MLK Day
21st January 2019 - 3.03 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Doctor Weirded Out By Patient She Just Met Providing Every Lurid Detail Of Medical History
21st January 2019 - 3.01 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Orlando Locals Fear Town Starting To Become Overrun By Tourists
21st January 2019 - 2.31 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Polar Vortex Splits Into U.S.-Chilling Rings
19th January 2019 - 2.00 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Michael Cohen Says He Paid To Rig Polls In Trump’s Favor
18th January 2019 - 10.43 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Trump Dismisses Trump As A Distraction
18th January 2019 - 10.06 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Trump Postpones Grand Opening Of Trump Tower Moscow Until Fuss Over Bombshell Report Dies Down
18th January 2019 - 9.19 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
‘If This Report Is True’ To Be Repeated 5.7 Billion Times Today
18th January 2019 - 9.05 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Defiant Pelosi Begins Swimming To Afghanistan After Trump Denies Use Of Government Plane
18th January 2019 - 8.26 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Patriots Score 2 Touchdowns Against Chiefs In Preemptive Strike Before AFC Championship Game
18th January 2019 - 7.22 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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5 Things To Know About Kirsten Gillibrand
18th January 2019 - 7.10 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
ICE Launches Campaign To Reunite Immigrant Children With Arresting Officer
18th January 2019 - 7.01 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
ISS Astronaut Sick Of Sharing Confined Space With Crass, Disgusting Partner From Polaris 8
18th January 2019 - 6.19 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Fans Shocked After Marie Kondo Reveals She Has Been Dating Untidy Cupboard For Past 6 Months
18th January 2019 - 5.21 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Should The Oakland A’s Have Sent Brad Pitt To Persuade Kyler Murray?
18th January 2019 - 5.02 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Tom Brady Feeling Guilty After Gorging Self On Full Order Of Kansas-City-Style Tap Water
18th January 2019 - 4.48 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Yahoo! Turns 25
18th January 2019 - 4.05 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Woman Didn’t Know Progress On Toxic Masculinity Would Turn Boyfriend Into Such A Weepy Little Pansy
18th January 2019 - 3.53 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Ready For Her Close-Up: This Actress Is Ready For Her Close-Up
18th January 2019 - 2.29 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
John Bolton Insists Iran Likely Harboring Dangerous Terrorist Osama Bin Laden
17th January 2019 - 10.44 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Could This Be The Last Season We See Rob Gronkowski Fully Assembled In A Patriots Uniform?
17th January 2019 - 9.31 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
‘Don’t Make Me Regret This,’ Mueller Tells Rick Gates Before Uncuffing Him To Work On Investigation Together
17th January 2019 - 9.16 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Pelosi Asks Trump To Delay State of the Union During Shutdown
17th January 2019 - 8.47 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Karen Pence Returns To Work As Part-Time Nude Art Model
17th January 2019 - 7.37 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Poll Finds 100% Of Americans Blame Shutdown Entirely On Colorado Representative Scott Tipton
17th January 2019 - 7.29 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
5 Things To Know About ‘Glass’
17th January 2019 - 7.02 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Presumptuous Congressional Freshman Thinks She Can Just Come In And Represent Constituents
17th January 2019 - 6.04 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Ames Executives Scrambling After New Shovel Design Leaks
17th January 2019 - 5.44 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Zamboni Jams Up After Running Over Large Patch Of Loose Teeth
17th January 2019 - 5.37 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Netflix Raising Prices
17th January 2019 - 3.56 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Man Nervous About Telling Date He Has Her Kids
17th January 2019 - 3.43 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Report: There No Way Of Knowing Whether The Vague Award Mom Won At Work A Big Deal Or What
16th January 2019 - 9.22 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
U.K. Parliament Rejects Theresa May’s Brexit Deal
16th January 2019 - 9.12 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Fox News Debuts Premium Channel For 24-Hour Coverage Of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
16th January 2019 - 8.38 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Woman Rushes To Hide Fragile Objects, Cover Up Sharp Corners On Tables Before Boyfriend Comes Over
16th January 2019 - 7.46 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
4 Times In ‘Legally Blonde’ Where Reese Witherspoon Breaks Character To Explain That Women Aren’t Going To Get A Better Movie Than This For The Next 20 Years
16th January 2019 - 5.40 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
New Hampshire Legislature Passes Bill Naming Fentanyl State Opiate
16th January 2019 - 5.14 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Photo Of Egg Breaks World Record For Most-Liked Instagram Post
16th January 2019 - 3.22 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Furloughed Government Employee Using Time Off To Visit Local Food Pantry She Been Hearing About
16th January 2019 - 3.13 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Pros And Cons Of Pet Insurance
16th January 2019 - 3.07 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Lincoln Memorial Empty After Former President’s Statue Furloughed
16th January 2019 - 3.03 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Fed-Up EU Rejects United Kingdom, Gives British 30 Days To Vacate Europe
15th January 2019 - 10.51 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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GOP Leaders Condemn Steve King For White Supremacy Comment
15th January 2019 - 9.34 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Viagra Announces Real Medicine That Gave Customers Erections Was Confidence All Along
15th January 2019 - 7.27 pm
Source: The Onion
Cracked
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6 Times Audiences (Successfully) Pushed Hollywood Around
21st January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Cracked
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5 Famous Characters Basically Everybody Gets Wrong
21st January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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How An Entire Religion Got Trolled By A Murderous Con Artist
20th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Public Officials Who Clearly Weren’t Cut Out For The Job
19th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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6 Nerdy References Hidden In Your Favorite Movies And Shows
18th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Behold, A Movie About A Guy Who Kills Hitler And Bigfoot
18th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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4 Strange Ways Everyday Foods Can Affect Your Brain
18th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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20 Ways The Government Shutdown's Destroying America
18th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Here Are 40 Covers For Classic Books (IF They Were Honest)
18th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Ghostbusters 3 Was Announced Months Ago, But No One Noticed
17th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Types Of Crime Everybody Pictures Completely Wrong
17th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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10 Open World Missions To Make You Regret Your Game
17th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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YouTube Is Sick Of Dumb Pranks After The Bird Box Challenge
16th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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6 Crazy AF Products Celebrities Actually Tried To Sell You
16th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Weirdly Complex Pop Culture Frauds
16th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Let's Go Nuts Overanalyzing The 'Game Of Thrones' Teaser
15th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Famous Magazine Covers With Crazy Stories You Never Knew
15th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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8 Foreign Movie Posters That Put Ours To Shame
15th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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6 Spectacularly Insane Criminal Plots That Really Happened
14th January 2019 - 4.00 pm
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5 Heroic Acts That Came From Very Unexpected Places
14th January 2019 - 4.00 pm
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Travel Alert: The Skies Of Brazil Are Full Of Spiders
14th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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That Story About Robbie Williams And Jimmy Page Is Likely BS
14th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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6 Ways Hollywood Ruins Fight Scenes
13th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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6 Terrifying Animal Swarms Capable of Causing Total Mayhem
12th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Hanger And The Munchies: 5 Common Food Feelings Explained
11th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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How A Dead Nun Ended Up With Teeth Full Of Treasure
11th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Want The Best Job Of The 21st Century? Learn To Herd Goats
11th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Surprising Signs That Indicate You Might Be A Psychopath
11th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Here's How Your Brain Makes You Buy Stupid Crap
11th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Check It Out, Nerds: There's a 'Ghostbusters' Dinosaur
10th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Hidden Details In Your Favorite Cartoons You Never Noticed
10th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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When Life In New York Was A Real-Life Dystopian Action Movie
10th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Margot Robbie's Playing Barbie (Yes, There's A Barbie Movie)
9th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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According To Marvel, Loki Wasn't Really A Villain ... Huh?
9th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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9th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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How A Simple Contact Lens Mishap Can Destroy Your Eyeball
9th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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It's Time To Discuss That Gross 'Harry Potter' Revelation
8th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Clever Loopholes People Used To Avoid Getting Screwed
8th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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You Miss Video Stores (Even If You Won't Admit It)
8th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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And Now, Some Controversial Opinions About 'Space Jam'
7th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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The Real Golden Globe Winner: Melissa McCarthy's Sandwiches
7th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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The 5 Craziest Things The Wealthy Have Wasted Their Money On
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6 Crazy AF Fox News Stories You Won't Believe Are Real
7th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 DIY Projects That Ruin People's Lives
6th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Crimes Foiled Hilariously By Acts Of God
5th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Mind-Blowingly Stupid Ways Pro Athletes Tried To Cheat
4th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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The Bird Box Challenge Is The Dumbest Internet Dare Yet
4th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Things You Didn't Know You Could Get Banned From
4th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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A Fallout 76 Bug Accidentally Erased All Of The Game's Nukes
4th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Here’s How These 19 Shows Hooked You, Then Lost You
4th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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News Thump
Humour
Charlie Brooker appointed Brexit Secretary to provide everyone with personalised alternate ending
22nd January 2019 - 12.10 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Lenny Henry sought in connection with digger attack on Travelodge
22nd January 2019 - 10.37 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Woman inspired by Marie Kondo to tidy entire home just focusing efforts on husband's crap for now
22nd January 2019 - 10.04 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Pension dispute sees London's Beefeaters go vegan
22nd January 2019 - 9.24 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Second referendum would threaten social cohesion, says woman whose immigration scare-mongering has helped destroy social cohesion
22nd January 2019 - 9.17 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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OPINION: Sometimes every side is a little bit of a dickhead
21st January 2019 - 2.00 pm
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News Thump
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Brexiters demand future negotiations be carried out in railway car near Compiegne, France
21st January 2019 - 11.06 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Confused Plan B to be presented to Parliament
21st January 2019 - 10.55 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Prince Philip opts to attend driver safety awareness course instead of having points added to his licence
21st January 2019 - 9.45 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Jacob Rees-Mogg asks his LBC listeners which race of boy makes the best chimney sweep
18th January 2019 - 4.04 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Saturn's rings revealed to be much younger than Jacob Rees-Mogg
18th January 2019 - 3.26 pm
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News Thump
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Continued existence of Chris Grayling leads to concern that human evolution is broken
18th January 2019 - 12.03 pm
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News Thump
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Woman who always has heating on full still going out in a strappy top and skirt tonight
18th January 2019 - 11.44 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Remainer demands that Romeo and Juliet be rewritten as he didn't like the ending
18th January 2019 - 11.09 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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We are having a second vote on my deal in case anyone has changed their mind, insists irony-free Theresa May
18th January 2019 - 9.40 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Ghostly White Fiat Uno flees Prince Philip crash site
17th January 2019 - 9.48 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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97-year-old boy racer flips car
17th January 2019 - 8.33 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Mexico to spend $5billion on border stairs
17th January 2019 - 3.52 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May tries to sway Jeremy Corbyn with enormous jar of homemade jam
17th January 2019 - 3.33 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May launches range of non-stick pans
17th January 2019 - 12.30 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Nigel Farage's guide to using private planes but not being part of the establishment elite
17th January 2019 - 12.19 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
'Brexit' scriptwriters admit they have no idea how to write season finale
17th January 2019 - 11.24 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Kim and Aggie receive anonymous request to remove stubborn stain from Number Ten
17th January 2019 - 10.55 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
"It's my opinion" not the bullet-proof defence Karen thinks it is
17th January 2019 - 9.53 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
John Prescott to thump an MP every hour on the hour until Brexit gets sorted
17th January 2019 - 8.45 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Zombies left hugely offended by comparisons to Theresa May's government
16th January 2019 - 8.04 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Gillette commercial nowhere near as offensive as the price of their f*cking razor blades
16th January 2019 - 11.14 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
'Support Theresa May', plead DUP knowing nobody else would be stupid enough go to make a deal with them
16th January 2019 - 10.29 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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"The only way forward is to do exactly what I’ve said all along" - exclusive interview with every British politician
16th January 2019 - 9.54 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Theresa May grateful that vote of no confidence was called by only MP less popular than she is
16th January 2019 - 9.31 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Britain successfully lulls EU into false sense of security by giving appearance of incompetence and confusion
16th January 2019 - 8.52 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Hard Brexiter and Remainer both convinced they won tonight's parliamentary vote
15th January 2019 - 9.13 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Nation shocked as crap deal presented by incompetent leader fails to secure outcome no-one wanted
15th January 2019 - 8.39 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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"Angry at our ad? Trim back that broflake rage with the new Gillette Sensor Incel"
15th January 2019 - 7.18 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Donald Trump devastated after having to share his usual daily order of 300 burgers with visitors to the White House
15th January 2019 - 6.44 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Man who loves free speech really can't handle it when people use it to disagree with him
15th January 2019 - 4.35 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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David Cameron somehow remains neither tarred nor feathered
15th January 2019 - 4.04 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Man furious at Gillette for 'bullying is bad' advert perfectly happy to be targeted by 'this product helps you get sex' adverts
15th January 2019 - 12.10 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Theresa May lays out offer of handjobs for support ahead of crucial Brexit vote
15th January 2019 - 11.12 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Opinion: This is the fault of absolutely everyone except the people who actually voted for it
15th January 2019 - 9.14 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Theresa May advised never to play poker
15th January 2019 - 8.34 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Kids left wondering why Mum is so determined to take them to see Aquaman
14th January 2019 - 3.09 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse spotted near Westminster
14th January 2019 - 2.16 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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"Maybe we should all just be a bit nicer to each other?" suggests stupid f*cking dickhead
14th January 2019 - 12.41 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Trump's wall to be reinforced with 'thoughts and prayers' after success in preventing school shootings
14th January 2019 - 10.30 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Philip May reassures Theresa: 'At least it's the last time you'll have to get up on a cold Monday morning'
14th January 2019 - 9.31 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Black men are terrible fathers, says shit-stirring hack who once hit his pregnant girlfriend
14th January 2019 - 9.08 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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The only way to defeat far-right extremism is to do everything they want, insists Chris Grayling
12th January 2019 - 11.17 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Asylum applications: Home Office urged to use thumbscrews and waterboarding on the lying bastards
11th January 2019 - 11.47 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
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Jeremy Corbyn finally joins Brexit debate to come down firmly on the side of making Jeremy Corbyn prime minister
11th January 2019 - 9.58 am
Source: News Thump

           

Latest Article




Articles

The Onion – America’s Finest News Source
Go to full article
Published: 22nd January 2019 - 12.46 pm
Source: The Onion


The Daily Mash
Humour
If anyone else acted like that I’d just call them a dick, admits mother of small child
22nd January 2019 - 12.10 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Man thinks everyone is genuinely interested in how much water he drinks
22nd January 2019 - 12.00 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Second referendum to ask ‘Do you want everything to be brilliant?’
22nd January 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Self-employed make annual choice between tax return and faking own death
22nd January 2019 - 10.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Philip asks Queen to take the points for him
22nd January 2019 - 10.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
The hater’s guide to London
22nd January 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Have you joined a UFO death cult or have you joined the Lib Dems? Take the test…
21st January 2019 - 12.10 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Teddy bears have left children unprepared for actual bears, say experts
21st January 2019 - 11.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Woman loses argument with her dog
21st January 2019 - 11.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
May asks for same changes to same plan before same MPs vote same way 
21st January 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Middle class man hires working class man to build snowman
21st January 2019 - 9.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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‘I’ll do whatever the f**k I want’, says 97-year-old who can do whatever the f**k he wants
21st January 2019 - 8.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Man decides to just agree with everyone that Paddington 2 is some sort of masterpiece
20th January 2019 - 9.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Woman watching BBC version of Les Mis adding songs in herself
20th January 2019 - 8.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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What does your hangover pizza say about you?
19th January 2019 - 8.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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‘For Christ’s sake, stop talking like that’ say babies
19th January 2019 - 8.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Middle-class man thinks he’s an expert on street crime
18th January 2019 - 12.10 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Five new dating trends to make you think ‘F**k it, I’ll stay single’
18th January 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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New vegans warned to monitor self-deception levels
18th January 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Has your friend been to Australia and turned into a racist?
18th January 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Woman admits sex was never as exciting as her new Dyson
18th January 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Got that f**king grouse though, says Philip
18th January 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Plans great until you have to actually f**king do them
17th January 2019 - 12.00 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
F**king unite behind me you twats, says May at cross-party talks
17th January 2019 - 11.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Neighbours delighted man’s friend beeped car horn 15 times as he left last night
17th January 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Man decides 10-pin bowling is ‘just a laugh’ after discovering he’s shit at it
17th January 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Teenager is first in his family to go to university with two Es
17th January 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Theresa May’s guide to hanging on like an idiot
17th January 2019 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Strong and stable government to continue
16th January 2019 - 7.20 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Bar owner cannot believe people pay ten quid for a ‘mocktail’
16th January 2019 - 12.20 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Are you a weird Labour MP who’s obviously joined the wrong party?
16th January 2019 - 11.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Four new wellness trends for 2019 that we’ve just pulled out of our arses
16th January 2019 - 11.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Remainers wishing Jean-Claude Juncker wasn’t such a git
16th January 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
‘Oops, did our advert piss off dickheads?’ asks razor blade company
16th January 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
It couldn’t happen to a nicer delusional maniac, agrees Britain
16th January 2019 - 9.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
All options ruled out
16th January 2019 - 8.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Labelling half the country whining Remoaner twats ‘not the best idea’, admits May
15th January 2019 - 7.50 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Man keeps peeking out widow to see if riots have started yet
15th January 2019 - 7.50 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
‘So, we’re all agreed this is a great deal’ confirms May
15th January 2019 - 7.40 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Oven chip cooking time amended to eight weeks
15th January 2019 - 12.00 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Right age to lose virginity ‘no more than 18 months after you’ve claimed to’
15th January 2019 - 11.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Airport worker almost forgets to add the chemtrails
15th January 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Parents confirm they have great respect for ‘parenting experts’ and don’t want them to shut the f**k up
15th January 2019 - 9.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
‘Nutjob’ neighbours with Brexit stockpile now seem wise and useful
15th January 2019 - 9.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
What sort of shit sandwich do you want? asks May
15th January 2019 - 8.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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Esther McVey’s guide to not having the faintest idea what you’re talking about
14th January 2019 - 4.00 pm
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Private school pupils ‘under huge pressure to have opinions about venison’
14th January 2019 - 11.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Boris Johnson’s Guide to the Best of Both Worlds
14th January 2019 - 10.40 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
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‘Not to be shallow, but no one under six foot’ says shallow woman on dating app
14th January 2019 - 10.20 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
We’ve waived our completely made-up bullshit fee that pays for literally nothing, say gyms
14th January 2019 - 9.00 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Onion
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5 Things To Know About Julián Castro
21st January 2019 - 3.52 pm
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The Onion
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Trump Approval Plunges Amidst Shutdown
21st January 2019 - 3.42 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Dan Savage Disgusted By Letter From Perverted Reader Contemplating Oral Sex
21st January 2019 - 3.35 pm
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Man Beginning To Worry That Best Meals Already Behind Him
21st January 2019 - 3.17 pm
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The Week In Pictures – Week Of January 21, 2019
21st January 2019 - 3.17 pm
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The Onion
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Queen Elizabeth Watches As Oxen Pull Apart Farmer Who Failed To Provide Yearly Tithe Of Grain
21st January 2019 - 3.11 pm
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The Onion
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Nation Celebrates MLK Day
21st January 2019 - 3.03 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Doctor Weirded Out By Patient She Just Met Providing Every Lurid Detail Of Medical History
21st January 2019 - 3.01 pm
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The Onion
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Orlando Locals Fear Town Starting To Become Overrun By Tourists
21st January 2019 - 2.31 pm
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The Onion
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Polar Vortex Splits Into U.S.-Chilling Rings
19th January 2019 - 2.00 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Michael Cohen Says He Paid To Rig Polls In Trump’s Favor
18th January 2019 - 10.43 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Trump Dismisses Trump As A Distraction
18th January 2019 - 10.06 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Trump Postpones Grand Opening Of Trump Tower Moscow Until Fuss Over Bombshell Report Dies Down
18th January 2019 - 9.19 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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‘If This Report Is True’ To Be Repeated 5.7 Billion Times Today
18th January 2019 - 9.05 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Defiant Pelosi Begins Swimming To Afghanistan After Trump Denies Use Of Government Plane
18th January 2019 - 8.26 pm
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The Onion
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Patriots Score 2 Touchdowns Against Chiefs In Preemptive Strike Before AFC Championship Game
18th January 2019 - 7.22 pm
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5 Things To Know About Kirsten Gillibrand
18th January 2019 - 7.10 pm
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ICE Launches Campaign To Reunite Immigrant Children With Arresting Officer
18th January 2019 - 7.01 pm
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The Onion
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ISS Astronaut Sick Of Sharing Confined Space With Crass, Disgusting Partner From Polaris 8
18th January 2019 - 6.19 pm
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The Onion
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Fans Shocked After Marie Kondo Reveals She Has Been Dating Untidy Cupboard For Past 6 Months
18th January 2019 - 5.21 pm
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The Onion
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Should The Oakland A’s Have Sent Brad Pitt To Persuade Kyler Murray?
18th January 2019 - 5.02 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Tom Brady Feeling Guilty After Gorging Self On Full Order Of Kansas-City-Style Tap Water
18th January 2019 - 4.48 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Yahoo! Turns 25
18th January 2019 - 4.05 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Woman Didn’t Know Progress On Toxic Masculinity Would Turn Boyfriend Into Such A Weepy Little Pansy
18th January 2019 - 3.53 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Ready For Her Close-Up: This Actress Is Ready For Her Close-Up
18th January 2019 - 2.29 pm
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The Onion
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John Bolton Insists Iran Likely Harboring Dangerous Terrorist Osama Bin Laden
17th January 2019 - 10.44 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Could This Be The Last Season We See Rob Gronkowski Fully Assembled In A Patriots Uniform?
17th January 2019 - 9.31 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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‘Don’t Make Me Regret This,’ Mueller Tells Rick Gates Before Uncuffing Him To Work On Investigation Together
17th January 2019 - 9.16 pm
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The Onion
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Pelosi Asks Trump To Delay State of the Union During Shutdown
17th January 2019 - 8.47 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Karen Pence Returns To Work As Part-Time Nude Art Model
17th January 2019 - 7.37 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Poll Finds 100% Of Americans Blame Shutdown Entirely On Colorado Representative Scott Tipton
17th January 2019 - 7.29 pm
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The Onion
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5 Things To Know About ‘Glass’
17th January 2019 - 7.02 pm
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The Onion
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Presumptuous Congressional Freshman Thinks She Can Just Come In And Represent Constituents
17th January 2019 - 6.04 pm
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The Onion
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Ames Executives Scrambling After New Shovel Design Leaks
17th January 2019 - 5.44 pm
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The Onion
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Zamboni Jams Up After Running Over Large Patch Of Loose Teeth
17th January 2019 - 5.37 pm
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The Onion
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Netflix Raising Prices
17th January 2019 - 3.56 pm
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Man Nervous About Telling Date He Has Her Kids
17th January 2019 - 3.43 pm
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The Onion
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Report: There No Way Of Knowing Whether The Vague Award Mom Won At Work A Big Deal Or What
16th January 2019 - 9.22 pm
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The Onion
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U.K. Parliament Rejects Theresa May’s Brexit Deal
16th January 2019 - 9.12 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Fox News Debuts Premium Channel For 24-Hour Coverage Of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
16th January 2019 - 8.38 pm
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The Onion
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Woman Rushes To Hide Fragile Objects, Cover Up Sharp Corners On Tables Before Boyfriend Comes Over
16th January 2019 - 7.46 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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4 Times In ‘Legally Blonde’ Where Reese Witherspoon Breaks Character To Explain That Women Aren’t Going To Get A Better Movie Than This For The Next 20 Years
16th January 2019 - 5.40 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
New Hampshire Legislature Passes Bill Naming Fentanyl State Opiate
16th January 2019 - 5.14 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
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Photo Of Egg Breaks World Record For Most-Liked Instagram Post
16th January 2019 - 3.22 pm
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The Onion
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Furloughed Government Employee Using Time Off To Visit Local Food Pantry She Been Hearing About
16th January 2019 - 3.13 pm
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The Onion
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Pros And Cons Of Pet Insurance
16th January 2019 - 3.07 pm
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Lincoln Memorial Empty After Former President’s Statue Furloughed
16th January 2019 - 3.03 pm
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The Onion
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Fed-Up EU Rejects United Kingdom, Gives British 30 Days To Vacate Europe
15th January 2019 - 10.51 pm
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The Onion
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GOP Leaders Condemn Steve King For White Supremacy Comment
15th January 2019 - 9.34 pm
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The Onion
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Viagra Announces Real Medicine That Gave Customers Erections Was Confidence All Along
15th January 2019 - 7.27 pm
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Cracked
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6 Times Audiences (Successfully) Pushed Hollywood Around
21st January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Famous Characters Basically Everybody Gets Wrong
21st January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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How An Entire Religion Got Trolled By A Murderous Con Artist
20th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Public Officials Who Clearly Weren’t Cut Out For The Job
19th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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6 Nerdy References Hidden In Your Favorite Movies And Shows
18th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Behold, A Movie About A Guy Who Kills Hitler And Bigfoot
18th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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4 Strange Ways Everyday Foods Can Affect Your Brain
18th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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20 Ways The Government Shutdown's Destroying America
18th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Here Are 40 Covers For Classic Books (IF They Were Honest)
18th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Ghostbusters 3 Was Announced Months Ago, But No One Noticed
17th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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17th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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17th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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YouTube Is Sick Of Dumb Pranks After The Bird Box Challenge
16th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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6 Crazy AF Products Celebrities Actually Tried To Sell You
16th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Weirdly Complex Pop Culture Frauds
16th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Let's Go Nuts Overanalyzing The 'Game Of Thrones' Teaser
15th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Famous Magazine Covers With Crazy Stories You Never Knew
15th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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8 Foreign Movie Posters That Put Ours To Shame
15th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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6 Spectacularly Insane Criminal Plots That Really Happened
14th January 2019 - 4.00 pm
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5 Heroic Acts That Came From Very Unexpected Places
14th January 2019 - 4.00 pm
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Travel Alert: The Skies Of Brazil Are Full Of Spiders
14th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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That Story About Robbie Williams And Jimmy Page Is Likely BS
14th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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6 Ways Hollywood Ruins Fight Scenes
13th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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6 Terrifying Animal Swarms Capable of Causing Total Mayhem
12th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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11th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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How A Dead Nun Ended Up With Teeth Full Of Treasure
11th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Want The Best Job Of The 21st Century? Learn To Herd Goats
11th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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5 Surprising Signs That Indicate You Might Be A Psychopath
11th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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Here's How Your Brain Makes You Buy Stupid Crap
11th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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10th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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10th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
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According To Marvel, Loki Wasn't Really A Villain ... Huh?
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Humour
5 Things You Didn't Know You Could Get Banned From
4th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
A Fallout 76 Bug Accidentally Erased All Of The Game's Nukes
4th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Here’s How These 19 Shows Hooked You, Then Lost You
4th January 2019 - 2.10 pm
Source: Cracked
News Thump
Humour
Charlie Brooker appointed Brexit Secretary to provide everyone with personalised alternate ending
22nd January 2019 - 12.10 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Lenny Henry sought in connection with digger attack on Travelodge
22nd January 2019 - 10.37 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Woman inspired by Marie Kondo to tidy entire home just focusing efforts on husband's crap for now
22nd January 2019 - 10.04 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Pension dispute sees London's Beefeaters go vegan
22nd January 2019 - 9.24 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Second referendum would threaten social cohesion, says woman whose immigration scare-mongering has helped destroy social cohesion
22nd January 2019 - 9.17 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
OPINION: Sometimes every side is a little bit of a dickhead
21st January 2019 - 2.00 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Brexiters demand future negotiations be carried out in railway car near Compiegne, France
21st January 2019 - 11.06 am
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Confused Plan B to be presented to Parliament
21st January 2019 - 10.55 am
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Prince Philip opts to attend driver safety awareness course instead of having points added to his licence
21st January 2019 - 9.45 am
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Jacob Rees-Mogg asks his LBC listeners which race of boy makes the best chimney sweep
18th January 2019 - 4.04 pm
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Saturn's rings revealed to be much younger than Jacob Rees-Mogg
18th January 2019 - 3.26 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Continued existence of Chris Grayling leads to concern that human evolution is broken
18th January 2019 - 12.03 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Woman who always has heating on full still going out in a strappy top and skirt tonight
18th January 2019 - 11.44 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Remainer demands that Romeo and Juliet be rewritten as he didn't like the ending
18th January 2019 - 11.09 am
Source: News Thump
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Humour
We are having a second vote on my deal in case anyone has changed their mind, insists irony-free Theresa May
18th January 2019 - 9.40 am
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Ghostly White Fiat Uno flees Prince Philip crash site
17th January 2019 - 9.48 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
97-year-old boy racer flips car
17th January 2019 - 8.33 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Mexico to spend $5billion on border stairs
17th January 2019 - 3.52 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May tries to sway Jeremy Corbyn with enormous jar of homemade jam
17th January 2019 - 3.33 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May launches range of non-stick pans
17th January 2019 - 12.30 pm
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Nigel Farage's guide to using private planes but not being part of the establishment elite
17th January 2019 - 12.19 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
'Brexit' scriptwriters admit they have no idea how to write season finale
17th January 2019 - 11.24 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Kim and Aggie receive anonymous request to remove stubborn stain from Number Ten
17th January 2019 - 10.55 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
"It's my opinion" not the bullet-proof defence Karen thinks it is
17th January 2019 - 9.53 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
John Prescott to thump an MP every hour on the hour until Brexit gets sorted
17th January 2019 - 8.45 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Zombies left hugely offended by comparisons to Theresa May's government
16th January 2019 - 8.04 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Gillette commercial nowhere near as offensive as the price of their f*cking razor blades
16th January 2019 - 11.14 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
'Support Theresa May', plead DUP knowing nobody else would be stupid enough go to make a deal with them
16th January 2019 - 10.29 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
"The only way forward is to do exactly what I’ve said all along" - exclusive interview with every British politician
16th January 2019 - 9.54 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May grateful that vote of no confidence was called by only MP less popular than she is
16th January 2019 - 9.31 am
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Britain successfully lulls EU into false sense of security by giving appearance of incompetence and confusion
16th January 2019 - 8.52 am
Source: News Thump
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Humour
Hard Brexiter and Remainer both convinced they won tonight's parliamentary vote
15th January 2019 - 9.13 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Nation shocked as crap deal presented by incompetent leader fails to secure outcome no-one wanted
15th January 2019 - 8.39 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
"Angry at our ad? Trim back that broflake rage with the new Gillette Sensor Incel"
15th January 2019 - 7.18 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Donald Trump devastated after having to share his usual daily order of 300 burgers with visitors to the White House
15th January 2019 - 6.44 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Man who loves free speech really can't handle it when people use it to disagree with him
15th January 2019 - 4.35 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
David Cameron somehow remains neither tarred nor feathered
15th January 2019 - 4.04 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Man furious at Gillette for 'bullying is bad' advert perfectly happy to be targeted by 'this product helps you get sex' adverts
15th January 2019 - 12.10 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May lays out offer of handjobs for support ahead of crucial Brexit vote
15th January 2019 - 11.12 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Opinion: This is the fault of absolutely everyone except the people who actually voted for it
15th January 2019 - 9.14 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Theresa May advised never to play poker
15th January 2019 - 8.34 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Kids left wondering why Mum is so determined to take them to see Aquaman
14th January 2019 - 3.09 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse spotted near Westminster
14th January 2019 - 2.16 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
"Maybe we should all just be a bit nicer to each other?" suggests stupid f*cking dickhead
14th January 2019 - 12.41 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Trump's wall to be reinforced with 'thoughts and prayers' after success in preventing school shootings
14th January 2019 - 10.30 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Philip May reassures Theresa: 'At least it's the last time you'll have to get up on a cold Monday morning'
14th January 2019 - 9.31 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Black men are terrible fathers, says shit-stirring hack who once hit his pregnant girlfriend
14th January 2019 - 9.08 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
The only way to defeat far-right extremism is to do everything they want, insists Chris Grayling
12th January 2019 - 11.17 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Asylum applications: Home Office urged to use thumbscrews and waterboarding on the lying bastards
11th January 2019 - 11.47 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Jeremy Corbyn finally joins Brexit debate to come down firmly on the side of making Jeremy Corbyn prime minister
11th January 2019 - 9.58 am
Source: News Thump


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