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Published: 19th June 2017 - 2.20 pm
Source: The Onion



The Daily Mash
Humour
Former raver deeply disappointed by ‘exercise high’
25th June 2017 - 9.49 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Third bottle of wine ‘always a bad idea for wide variety of reasons’, say experts
25th June 2017 - 8.37 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Man quits exercise for good after realising no-one else gives a shit
24th June 2017 - 8.55 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Cocktails ‘a load of stupid bullshit’, confirm cocktail bar staff
23rd June 2017 - 10.57 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Brexiter unable to find any street parties
23rd June 2017 - 11.27 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Ascot declares war on Glastonbury
23rd June 2017 - 8.56 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Dacre admits he once took delight in something that wasn’t horrible
23rd June 2017 - 9.37 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Survive five years in this hellhole and you’re in for life, EU citizens told
23rd June 2017 - 7.51 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Wealthy foreigners to pay £500,000 to be insulted by Prince Philip
23rd June 2017 - 8.08 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Parenting ‘a doddle’, confirms aunt who has been babysitting for half an hour
22nd June 2017 - 8.50 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Dear Holly, I can’t be arsed being royal anymore
22nd June 2017 - 9.11 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Glastonbury coverage welcomed by Britain’s top letches
22nd June 2017 - 9.30 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Britain in record breaking four-day summer
22nd June 2017 - 10.11 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Royal family’s benefits withdrawn
22nd June 2017 - 7.02 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Middle class ‘Day of Rage’ spent moaning about supermarket tomatoes
22nd June 2017 - 7.51 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Davis tells room full of people who can speak German that they’d all be speaking German if it wasn’t for us

22nd June 2017 - 8.10 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Business bullshit ‘vital’ for people who are bad at everything else
21st June 2017 - 9.38 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Queen’s Speech ends with ‘f**k this’
21st June 2017 - 10.44 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
May unable to do deal at Tesco checkout
21st June 2017 - 11.19 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse revealed as ‘Stupidity’
21st June 2017 - 7.53 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Brexiter to claim he was ‘just kidding’
21st June 2017 - 8.31 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Man wakes up on sofa with bag of sweetcorn on head
21st June 2017 - 9.05 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
England assumed everyone in Scotland was working class
20th June 2017 - 11.15 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Lib Dem leadership race between someone you’ve never heard of and two-thirds of a fart
20th June 2017 - 9.56 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Daily Mash
Humour
Today not the day for blame, say right-wing hatemongers
20th June 2017 - 7.53 am
Source: The Daily Mash
The Onion
Humour
China Censors Gay Kiss In '€˜Alien: Covenant'€™
23rd June 2017 - 6.39 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Robert Mueller Begins Thirteenth Day Undercover As White House Janitor
23rd June 2017 - 5.39 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
'€˜Literally No One Calls Me That Or Has Ever Called Me That'€™: Our Interview With Ol'€™ Musky
23rd June 2017 - 4.31 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Versatile Game Table Can Be Easily Converted To Play Small, Shitty Version Of Pool, Air Hockey, Foosball
23rd June 2017 - 4.45 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy
23rd June 2017 - 3.42 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Sean Spicer Cradling Comfort Pig Throughout Briefing
23rd June 2017 - 3.22 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Atari Announces Mysterious New Console
23rd June 2017 - 2.16 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Rookie USDA Agent Vomits After Seeing First Rotten Orange
23rd June 2017 - 2.19 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Chipotle Mayo Doing All The Heavy Lifting In Sandwich
22nd June 2017 - 7.27 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Michael Phelps To Race Shark
22nd June 2017 - 6.58 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Pope Francis Buys Knockoff Chalice At Store In Vatican City Chinatown
22nd June 2017 - 6.11 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Top Prospects Of The 2017 NBA Draft
22nd June 2017 - 4.41 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It
22nd June 2017 - 4.27 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Supreme Court Defends Disparaging Trademarks
22nd June 2017 - 4.07 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Top Family Vacation Spots
22nd June 2017 - 3.31 pm
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The Onion
Humour
Fourth-Grade Teacher Receives Dark Portent Of Coming Storm From Gnarled, Haggard Third-Grade Teacher
22nd June 2017 - 3.22 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Black And Decker Introduces New 72-Inch Tree Whacker
22nd June 2017 - 1.24 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Katy Perry Surpasses 100 Million Twitter Followers
21st June 2017 - 10.52 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Mop Used to Clean Minor Spill Now Permanent Addition to Living Room
21st June 2017 - 9.11 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Trump Accidentally Records Over Comey Meeting Tape With Idea For Candy Hotel
21st June 2017 - 7.43 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Robed Mark Warner Infiltrates Secret Torchlit AHCA Ceremony Deep In Woods Behind Capitol
21st June 2017 - 6.12 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Chuck E. Cheese Keyboardist Quits Band To Form Mr. Munch Experience
21st June 2017 - 4.17 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Top Benefits Of Going Paperless
21st June 2017 - 12.30 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Pier 1 Imports Unveils New Self-Defense Vase For Smashing Onto Head Of Home Invader
21st June 2017 - 12.00 pm
Source: The Onion
The Onion
Humour
Stanley Cup Visits Hometown Ore Mine During Road Trip Through Pennsylvania
21st June 2017 - 11.30 am
Source: The Onion
Cracked
Humour
Senate Confirms: Rich People Good, Poor People Bad
24th June 2017 - 1.12 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Amazing Acts Of Mercy Toward Horrible People
25th June 2017 - 1.12 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
7 Everyday Experiences Other Countries Do Waaay Differently
25th June 2017 - 1.12 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
You Deserve The Best Online Protection, We Got It Right Here
25th June 2017 - 1.12 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Weird Ways America Makes My 3rd World Life More Tolerable
25th June 2017 - 1.12 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Benedict Arnold Was An American Hero (And Still A Traitor)
23rd June 2017 - 1.08 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
6 Super Villains With Serious Boyfriend Potential
24th June 2017 - 1.08 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Reasons Having A Weird Name Makes You Want To Punch People
24th June 2017 - 1.08 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Why Trump's Lawyer Is The Manliest Man That Ever Manned
24th June 2017 - 1.08 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
How One Gaming YouTuber Started An Actual Cult
24th June 2017 - 1.08 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Cracked Responds To The New Black Panther Trailer
22nd June 2017 - 1.03 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
6 Insane Workplaces That Put Your Dumb Office To Shame
23rd June 2017 - 1.03 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
7 Game of Thrones Theories So Insane They Must Be True
23rd June 2017 - 1.03 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
How Reality Shows Perfected Their Stupid, Stupid Formula
23rd June 2017 - 1.03 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
How 16 Celebrity Careers Imploded, Explained In 3 Steps
23rd June 2017 - 1.03 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
8 Things That Would Make The Force Awakens Amazing
21st June 2017 - 1.06 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
4 Awful Things That Should Not Still Be Happening In America
22nd June 2017 - 1.06 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
7 Secret (And Stupid) Rules For Working For President Trump
22nd June 2017 - 1.06 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
The Most Important Things You Need To Know On Thursday 6/22
22nd June 2017 - 1.06 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Everyone Died In Despicable Me (And 4 Other Famous Cartoons)
22nd June 2017 - 1.06 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Super Mario Odyssey! New Video Games! E3 2017 And More!
20th June 2017 - 1.03 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Heroes Who Missed The Moral Of Their Own Movie
21st June 2017 - 1.03 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
5 Ridiculous Reasons Why School Lunch In America Sucks
21st June 2017 - 1.03 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Make The Internet Your Virtual Playground With These Items
21st June 2017 - 1.03 pm
Source: Cracked
Cracked
Humour
Computers Won't Take Your Jobs, They're Creating New Ones
21st June 2017 - 1.03 pm
Source: Cracked
News Thump
Humour
Tommy Robinson's fist brutally assaulted by man's face
25th June 2017 - 7.30 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
A patriotic media is the foundation of a fair and democratic society, confirms Kim Jong-un
25th June 2017 - 4.02 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Queen snubs forces heroes to go horse racing
25th June 2017 - 3.39 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Jeremy Corbyn unexpectedly wins over notoriously right-wing Glastonbury crowd
25th June 2017 - 11.15 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Alternate universe sees Nigel Farage appear on Glastonbury main stage and be drowned in warm piss
25th June 2017 - 11.07 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
"The EU is so great, its citizens want to be able to live in Britain for as long as possible" Juncker tells May
23rd June 2017 - 1.58 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
People behind Grenfell Tower refurbishment delighted to see nation turn on Hotpoint
23rd June 2017 - 1.11 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Britain showing little sign of recovery one year after self-inflicted gunshot wound to the foot
23rd June 2017 - 12.22 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
EU citizens respond to Theresa May's offer to let them stay in UK: Do we have to?
23rd June 2017 - 11.42 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
"Off you fuck" says no-nonsense David Dimbleby
23rd June 2017 - 11.24 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Next door's row frustratingly not quite loud enough to follow
23rd June 2017 - 10.35 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen, explains wise Brexit sage
23rd June 2017 - 10.22 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Jeremy Corbyn prepares DJ set of 90s gangster rap for Glastonbury
23rd June 2017 - 9.38 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Glastonbury festival cancelled due to good weather
23rd June 2017 - 9.21 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
"I did not record ex-FBI chief, and I’ve got the tapes to prove it," claims Trump
22nd June 2017 - 8.55 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
'Causing misery for no good purpose' adopted as new Tory slogan
22nd June 2017 - 6.21 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
"What about our house prices?" ask perspective-free wankers of Kensington
22nd June 2017 - 4.05 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Jeremy Corbyn pledges milkshakes that will bring boys to *everybody's* yard
22nd June 2017 - 12.37 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
New Transformers film draws comparisons to Ingmar Bergman
22nd June 2017 - 12.05 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Game of Thrones now promoted as feel-good escapism for the summer
22nd June 2017 - 10.44 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
EU leaders told not to laugh at Theresa May
22nd June 2017 - 10.14 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Boris Johnson wondering if he can blame horrific interview performance on Type 2 Diabetes
22nd June 2017 - 9.12 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Majority of people not raging shitheads, finds study
22nd June 2017 - 8.52 am
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Queen criticised for lack of impartiality by wearing Brexit means Clusterf*ck t-shirt during speech
21st June 2017 - 5.51 pm
Source: News Thump
News Thump
Humour
Morons left furious as families in desperate need of social housing get new social housing
21st June 2017 - 4.40 pm
Source: News Thump